Day 206. Motivation

   ... is always the key to success:) And shooting for the stars will only get you further:) 

   Today I saw a kid dance to dubstep SOOOO well and he lived in a God forsaken village where, luckily enough, he had internet access that helped him learn everything he knew. He learned it all by himself from youtube just because he was motivated to do it. And he was A-mazing! 

   Through his dance this kid taught me that if I REALLY want something and I'm motivated enough, I WILL get it! It's the same for every aspect of our lives, be it a long, prosper career, a happy family, peace or happiness. Take whatever you need, just BE MOTIVATED and trust that you can reach it. If he could do it, we can do it too!:)

Day 205. Have faith

   We were all amazed by winter's stormy comeback and since nobody expected it some people complained about it every single day another snowflake fell from the sky. 

   I have to admit that seeing a lot of snow in spring was almost like decorating a Christmas tree in the middle of summer but even so those complains were useless. With or without them, nature always follows its course and today I've seen it happen. It's the best example to show us we need to have faith that better times WILL come.

  Also, I remember that when I was really sick last time I said complains should be allowed but now that I'm rational again I really see no point in using them. We gotta buckle up and brace ourselves for whatever is ahead. Keep our heads up and know. Know that everything will be ok in the end, that spring will come and that flowers will bloom. Here it is, it's happening right now:)

Day 204. La vita e bella

   Today my heart melted at the sight of the little ones all dressed up to perform for a contest. They were soooo adorable before and while performing:) And the awesome part is that their story had such a good message. 

   There was this cute baby bird that went on a journey and asked all sorts of animals "why life is so beautiful" and they all replied "because we do good things" and each started to tell their role on this planet: the sun, the tree, the woodpecker, the earth worm, the bee and the butterflies (even the rain). The little baby bird didn't know its role on this planet but at the end of the journey she remembered she could sing and the animals were very impressed so she figured that was her role: to enchant the others with her song. So everything ends well:)

    It was so lovely and it made me realize how important it is to find our role in our community, country, planet:) This way we can maximize our potential and we can be happy and make others happy as well. Not to mention that's when "make the world a better place" can happen:) So when you find your role, life is beautiful:) Therefore, go out and explore, find your role and put it into practice!:) 

Day 203. Sickness all around

   Today I woke up with a dreadful feeling that something was off. I wanted to sleep some more, turn down my meeting with a difficult mom and draw the curtains so I wouldn't have to see another cityscape full of snow that would melt in some hours only to be back on track in the evening. 

   But I didn't do all those. Instead, I got up grumpily, put on some clothes and left to work. A terrible headache accompanied me for the whole day and between meeting with worried parents and talking to problematic kids, all I could see was sickness. Sickness all around me. And it's all so weird because at the beginning of the school year I was so happy and lively and played with healthy kids all day long and now all I seem to do is watch the problematic kids and try to make them behave or talk to the parents who don't seem to listen either way because they think their kid is always a victim, never an instigator. 

   I'm sick and tired of all this sickness. Of all the problems kindergarten kids have. You'd believe they're perfectly fine at this age, lacking a little bit of self regulation and that's all, but no. Sometimes I really feel like I'm surrounded by little animals who roar around me. Little animals who don't understand rules and whose only purpose is playing... which is natural. So I guess I have some issues too or maybe it's just the illusion of working with solving problems all day long. In the end psychologists are some sort of doctors too. And doctors cure. But before curing you need sickness. So in the end sickness is a natural state of being. I only wish our "pills" would have everlasting effects like doctors' do:)

Day 202. The strong movies

   ... are just like a good book:) They sweep you off your feet only to put you down in the characters' shoes. So, in the end you totally forget who you are. You will no longer be yourself. Instead, you'll be that man who just killed a boy, his lover and the dead boy's family altogether. You will be so caught up in it that you won't feel the need to eat, drink or think about ANYTHING else that will be going on in your life right then. My friends and I went to the cinema to watch a Romanian awarded movie: "Poziția Copilului". It surely was a strong one since it made me feel all the above. 

   And yet again it's really interesting how a simple movie can tackle the right parts in you in order to make you feel emotions, relate, feel empathy and live everything WITH the people in the movie:) Rare, yet beautiful. So beautiful that this movie reminded me I need to broaden my horizons and watch something else than just American movies:) In the end, awesome scenarios are everywhere:)

Day 201. Rainbows and unicorns

   I already told you I love fooling around like my kids: drawing, coloring, painting, hand crafting and such. So today, when I needed to find some "kids from all over the world" for the activity I'm having tomorrow, I was filled with the joy of anticipation and I surfed the internet for almost an hour until I was pleased with the result. Of course I could have asked some kids to color the drawings but I love doing it myself:) In the end, I'm very proud of what turned out:) 

   You could say the rainbow and I were destined to meet today because I wore the rainbow sunglasses ever since morning. It didn't matter it snowed at THE END of March. I was happy to be healthy (see where all those flu periods got me to?) and I even thought that colored snow would be inappropriate so I pretty much enjoyed snow today:) 

   I love wearing my rainbow sunglasses. I have to remember to use them during the cloudy days as well. That's when I need them the most:) 

Day 200. Enjoy it while it lasts

   I called her to tell her I'm hungry. Yeah. I still do that sometimes. She was waiting for me looking out the window. When I looked up and I saw her, I instantly smiled and waved. It's a thing we do when we wait for each other to come home:) And as I got closer to the block of flats I took a good look at her while smiling: "She's so awesome, my best friend and my confident, my tv shows mate and my role model. I'm so happy to have her. To look at her and know she's there. Still there. I love her so much" I thought to myself melancholically. 

   I wanted to get inside the block of flats when my eyes stopped on a death announcement. A neighbor of ours died. He was only 58. And there it was. Capital letters. "Loved FATHER and HUSBAND." Father. Father. He died. "Wow. Now I really feel lucky she's still with me. Cos she's the best mom one could have. She's... MY mom":)

Day 199. Little surprises

   ... make your life prettier:) I had no idea my 12 year old cousin could play the piano:) So when I found out I asked him to play the songs he knows and while listening to him my mind drove somewhere far, far away and slowly I was filled with peace and joy:) That's what little surprises can do to you. I want more:)

Day 198. Feed your soul

   ... as much as your body! You'll feed your body inevitably, but who's going to think about your soul? And stop thinking you have to look perfect but don't get lazy and bend the rules either! Work on feeding your body properly and exercise!  

   Then make a plan about feeding your soul! You know the ways, just make sure you put it into practice! Because in the end a well fed soul is just as important as a well fed body:)

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open."

~ Jawaharlal Nehru

Day 197. The beginning

   You'd say they look like angels, wouldn't you?:) Well they are. Until you give them a reason to laugh at other people. Of course, when they are in their first year of kindergarten they don't acknowledge much, but in their second year you'd expect they would have learned some rules by now. 

   It's sad to see that the little ones begin to bully their classmates at this age. And it's even sadder how quickly their listen to somebody if they tell them to bully a classmate. Then, how can we prevent this phenomenon from expanding in primary school if we can't work with them because their brain isn't fully developed yet? Does it really help if we repeat the rules every day? Do they really start believing them or do they just nod like "yeah, whatever you say lady, we know what we should do but laughing it's so much fun"?

   As always, I wish I could change the world. But what if the world can't be changed? What if it doesn't want to be changed? Hmmm? What then?:)

Day 196. Where to?

   When we're little we think about the toys we want to play with, our friends from the kindergarten or the cartoons we're going to watch when we get home. When we grow up we start thinking about our future. At first, it's the immediate future: the high school or university we want to attend, the friends we want to have and that ideal relationship that we want to last forever. When we're working we inevitably think about the distant future: a family, a place of our own, a kid. 

   It's interesting how things evolve over time. And it's a bit scary when you have to plan your whole life ahead and know you have to take the best decisions, choose the best option when everything seems so insecure. But that's why we have the internet and friends for. To ask them what they think and start from there. And then hope for the best and learn to be flexible. Change plans whenever they seem not to work anymore. And never lose hope. Believe everything is going to be ok, no matter how twisted the labyrinth might be. 

   And in the end everything comes true. And we'll see "where to?" was just a question that made us start a whole new chapter in our life: the best one:) 

Day 195. Happy, happier, happiest

   They say perfection can't be reached, that's some sort of utopia we only guide on, right? Well don't call me Dana if today wasn't a perfect day:) Wrapped in sunlight and mild temperature, clear sky, fluffy clouds and The International Day of Happiness:) What more do you need? 

   Is spring here yet or is this just a trailer to the actual movie?:)

Day 194. Like a phoenix

   Today it rained. Then the sun came out. And then it rained some more. It's like Spring herself was crying over a break up and then she was smiling between tears. 

   I know it's hard to be at the bottom of the mountain and try to climb it back again, but if you've got someone to make you smile between tears, then you're the happiest person alive. 

   In the end, we all need help from time to time. It's only a matter of wanting to accept it or not:) And spring took it. I did as well. And now we're both raising from our ashes like a phoenix. 

Day 193. In Dependent

   It's funny... Lately I didn't feel safe over there. You know... sometimes it just feels like pure work and not passion anymore because  I found out people around me wear masks and after a time they're bored of doing that and they reveal their true nature. They gossip and talk about all sorts of things against one another. And they're craving for some details they could use against you later on. They don't stand united since they don't seem to have a common purpose. Just their own advantage. They don't forgive. They just gossip some more until everybody knows everything and they need a fresh story... No, they're not all like that, but today I left the pink sunglasses on my desk and I wandered around without them. So I faced the aftermath. 

   Nevertheless, I bitterly reached my purpose. I wanted not to be attached to that place, the kids or the people, my office or the hallways and today I reached just that. I realized I could be happy anywhere, not just there. 

   In the end, it's just like meeting a new person: at first you're fascinated by the appearance but if you're patient enough to stick around for a while, you'll find out things you didn't want to know about that person. You'll find out it's more than you can take and you'll want to move on. 

   Would you be satisfied with the first person that came across your way? And would you be so bold and naive to marry that person? I wouldn't. I admit I was naive and childish, but I woke up. This is the reality we're living in every single day. This is what working with people means. Being surrounded by envy, hatred and bad vibes covered by pleasant smiles and words. Sometimes... I just wish I'd work in an office by myself. In front of the computer. Just the computer and I. But then I wake up and see the glass half full and take it all from the beginning. Isn't life thrilling?:)

Day 192. Birthday presents

   It's my best friend's birthday todaaaay and I miss her like crazy! She's gone on an awesome trip to see her friends from Czech Republic. How awesome can that be for a birthday present to yourself? I'd wanna go on a trip abroad for my birthday too!:) 

   In other news, the city looks beautiful in the spring light. I'm still waiting for the cold wind to go home to his momma though:) Let it be spriiiing!

P.S. Honey, if you see this, the flowers are for youuu<3

Day 191. Kitchen experiments

   This time I'm not asking for cooking ideas from friends, I'm borrowing them from facebook:) It's interesting how I don't have any problems with cooking and eating new recipes but I usually have an adversity towards other new things in my life. Hmmm...

   Today I tried out Chocolate covered banana pops. It seemed so easy to prepare. It wasn't. You have to be really careful about the way you cover the bananas in the chocolate that's never too liquid and by the end of it, expect YOU to be covered in chocolate as well. Mmmm... 

    Of course I watched HOW TO videos AFTER I finished my job and of course I found out awesome ideas that would make the process easier:) Will learn for the next time because... there will surely be a next time!:) They have such an interesting taste! I say YAY for the Chocolate covered banana pops! Finally one new recipe that doesn't only look good but also tastes good:)

   And this is how my day brightened up. I guess I feel just like all those people from Masterchef. I feel happy in the kitchen. I love cooking and cooking loves me:)

Day 190. A happy end

   If she wanted to remember something about that day then it was two things: the dreadful, cold, windy weather that surpassed all expectations when she thought spring was blooming and the fact that she lived another movie moment even though these two things don't seem to be mixing together.

   It would have been just another good day if it wasn't for the wintery splash. It was that kind of cold weather that gets into your bones and makes you wish you could move to a tropical island. It doesn't even matter if you're going to eat bananas and coconuts for the rest of your life. You just want to get out. So she was prepared to go home from work, knowing she'd have to play hide and seek with the wind and let it chase her for about half an hour. Then... she heard a whistle. She turned around and there he was. Standing behind her with a warm sweater in his hands. She felt she could marry him right there, right then. He reached out. He left his cozy home and ran through the cold to be sure he catches her. That was one of those moments when she knew. She just knew he's the one:) 

   Then she got the sweater on and she embraced him with everything she was while the cold wind was blowing and small snowflakes were falling above them. She took his hand in hers and they left ... happily ever after:) 

Day 189. You know you love

   ... when in a full day you suddenly have an unexpected free hour and you choose to spend it with him.

   ... when he opens the door with a smile and says "Hey, beautiful!" 

   ... when he cooks for you and he brings your meal in the room with a smile.

   ... if you feel at home when he holds you in his arms and you realize there can't be anyone else who could make you feel more complete than him.

   ... when he gently kisses your nose and smiles proudly at you because you like the same Tv Show as him

   ... if after almost 4 years you still feel the need to tell each other "I love you" every day

   ... when after just an hour spent together you already feel 10 times better than before seeing him:)

   Today I remembered how much I love him:)

Day 188. Coping mechanisms

  Today I remembered the power of diving into other people's lives as a coping mechanism with the problems that you can't control.

   I saw this little angel after a long while and we had fun together. Kids always get me going and help me focus on something else than myself. I give you Vlad, my little cousin.

   I also understood there are options for a life as a new born family:) There's still hope in this world. I want to believe I'm going to be able to have my own home without excruciating sacrifices. 

   In the end... "Everything will be ok. If it's not ok, it means it's not the end." 

Day 187. Ignorance is bliss

   Of course life can't be all fine and dandy. Maybe it was my destiny to choose a thing that dragged a whole mess with it. If only I had chosen differently in those 10 minutes, maybe we wouldn't be here today. 

   It's sort of a Midsummer night's dream, but not with people falling in love. This one's about people getting mad at each other. And I am caught in the middle. Again. In the end it's all a thing of incomplete information and bad interpretations... like always. 

   I was told I should learn to be ignorant. That would definitely help me since we all know that "ignorance is bliss" but... I can't be like that. I can't care less when it's me in the middle. Unfortunately, that's what working with people can bring. A lot of misunderstandings that you have to fix. Go ahead, see if you can. And in the end don't suffer if it doesn't turn out the way you want. Can you do that? I wish I could. 

Day 186. The lazy

   We're all lazy at some point. Lazy to do this and that: lazy to wake up, to go to classes, to work, to write the projects... lazy to learn for the exams, to go out and catch up with our friends, to go to the park and to do all the things we used to do. All this because we get to a stage where we think we deserve what we've got and that everything is going to be the same no matter if we do something to keep it alive or not. And then laziness strikes. We find reasons to stop being active, be it because we're too tired of working all day, because we just wanna lay on our comfy armchair and watch movies or because our friends will forever be our friends no matter if we use the cellphone and social networks more than face-to-face hang outs. 

   I saw my best friend today. It's been a while. I'd say our schedules are very tight, but that wouldn't be entirely true. I am tired most of the days but I guess I just got too lazy. And too lazy isn't good. How long has it been since you last saw your friends? Just to hang out and catch up, nothing fancy. Hm?

   We get self absorbed at some point. We think we write the story of our life, that we can control our friendships... but we all know it's never like that. And don't you say "I don't need them to be happy" because you know how much you actually do! You do need people to get silly with, people to laugh with and people to bond with over music and love stories. So throw away comfort and replace it with sacrifice. You'll see how much you'll enjoy seeing your friends again! I bet you'll have the time of your life and at the end of it you'll remember how much you actually missed them:)

Day 185. Lost and found

   Remember when weeks ago I said I wanted my child memories back? That I wanted to find something to remind of of how I was as a child? I did!!! 

   My uncle gave me this cassette I totally forgot about. I was recorded at the age of 4, 5 and 9 while reciting poems:) I had such a cute voice my heart melted:) My brother was barely learning to talk, my dad was trying to make him say "mom", "dad", "oops" and cute stuff like that:) My dear, dear grandma was around too. I almost burst into tears. It brought back the good, old times when everything was ok, when we were all together, when life was barely beginning. Now, we've grown up, life is uncertain and many of the good people have gone. 

   Sometimes I miss being a child, you know? I always find myself loving the craft work my kids do at the kindergarten and I just want to sit down with them and do whatever they're doing, play with them and listen to awesome lessons, live life all over again from the beginning. It's not that adult life is frightening, it's just that we forget how awesome that time was because "when we're little we want to grow up and when we've grown up we want to be little". 

   Still, being able to live again a small part of my childhood was awesome:) And the good part is that... memories are always alive! And they should be preserved. Today I learned that videos are better than photos. Unless we're in Harry Potter and we have moving photos:) 

Note to self: Make a very organized plan about preserving your kids' childhood:) 

Day 184. The sun within

   Sometimes we cloud our mind with useless fears. It's like we set a storm free willingly. And then we wonder where the sun is. 

   We all know the sun is always behind the storm, but first we gotta understand that our irrational fears might bring storms that can get out of control. Moreover, they will drag our loved ones in and everything's gonna turn into a big, ugly hurricane. 

   Do you love hurricanes? What about storms? Then why do you start them willingly? Stop and breathe. You're not gonna be better if you worry or if you're afraid. Understand your fears and then work with them. Only then you'll be better.

Day 183. Like a woman

   Today, for the first time in my life I really felt like a woman. I was no longer a teenager or a student daydreaming about the perfect job. It was the first time really celebrating myself and not just my mother:)

   Working changes people, even though not completely. It can lead you through restless seas and it can even drive you nuts when you see you work for a month and your whole salary goes to paying taxes, invoices and things like those. But in the end you're satisfied that last month you had the money to buy yourself something that will last for a decade:) So it's all worth it.

   Even though feeling like a woman makes you feel powerful, sometimes being one is like being a girl in disguise:) The age and the fact you're working or maybe just wearing a special dress can tell them things are different now. In fact, we're all still in need of affection and protection. That's why we like flowers, guys. Because we bond with them. They're just like us, fragile and beautiful and needing to being taken care of:) You'll never understand this, but I wish you'd just go on trusting our instincts and still bring us flowers every 8th of March:) Because that's how we know you're trying to bond with us too, and what can be cuter than some puppy eyes asking you "Did I buy the right flowers?":)

Day 182. Unplugged

   I don't know about you, but I think too much. I think before sleeping, while trying to sleep, after waking up and still in bed, on the way to work and so on and so forth. I just wish my dad was right.    

   Once upon a day when I was little and trying to sleep, he told me how sleep happens: "our brain is like a big room full of plugs", he said. "And little ants in that room unplug everything before you sleep. They shut it down." (Even if we all know our brain isn't dead while sleeping it seemed pretty accurate at the time). Well, I want the same, but during the day:) I wish I had the ability to unplug myself from thinking too much. I wish I'd just be there completely and stop analyzing little details that don't matter so much. I wish I'd just take things as they come and let them solve themselves... the little ones, I mean. I'm just too OCD sometimes: wanting to control everything around me and be sure I'm prepared for any kind of situation I might face. It tires me. I wish I'd just be there and then and not the girl who knows it all, who's thought about it all. Ok, I might have various solutions to a problem or I might find solutions faster when I have to because I'm training my brain every day, but sometimes you just want some peace. You just wanna fall asleep in minutes, not in half an hour:)

Day 181. Wedn..oh, forget it!

   My senses are numb. I walk like a zombie. From point A to point B. From point B to point C. And so on. I had a loooooooooooooooooooooong day... The usual long Wednesday. Even when you say it out loud it sounds long. Just try it. Wednesdaaaay. Bummer! But it's nothing that a good night sleep can't solve.

   Good niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.........

Day 180. Verba volant

   Oh, the guilt of having said something you regret... It floods you swiftly and it makes you want to rewind all that and be quiet during those moments. 

   I wish I didn't say that. But I did. And now I learned the lesson. That "verba volant" and that you can't take them back, that they can change your whole world  and that months of building a good impression can be destroyed in a second. 

   In the end, we all know everything happens for a reason and today I had to learn that I'm small and I still have so much to learn. So I accept the mistake, I let guilt behind and move on stronger. Because I learned my lesson that verba volant. 

   

Day 179. Go with the wind

   Today a furious wind took over the city. Even if the sun was trying to shine and make everything look brighter, the wind would always be one step ahead. 

   I changed my coat today. Took a lighter one. And the wind took me by surprise. This made me think of the times when we're taken by surprise and we go with the wind that steal us away from ourselves. Would you let yourself be bent and broken by the wind? Or would you stand still and fight? Would you start complaining or would you do something about it? Sometimes it's ok to go with the wind because it's like going with the flow, but in most cases doing this can only cause you more trouble. 

    So, less going with the wind and more fighting. Become a warrior. Stand still and always remember who you are and what you want. Never let them set boundaries that harm your personality, your real self. Be yourself no matter the weather! Be strong! 

Day 178. It's all about the journey

   ... not the destination, they say:) Today my family and I made a new step in our family tradition journey:) We went in the search of spring. And we found her:)

   We chose a different spot this time. One that we visited 4 years ago. Interestingly, we remembered details that helped us arrive exactly where Spring was laying in the woods. But today we took a new road, different than last time. Are you afraid of the new? I am, too. But I trust my dad. He has a good spatial orientation:) So our team began its walk towards the lonely woods, towards patches of snow and mild wind. When entering the forest an intense feeling of peace and joy caught me completely. I felt I was there and then. And nothing else mattered. 

   We continued our journey while gazing around and enjoying the sun embracing us through the trees. In the end we arrived at the destination. Snowdrops were peaking at us from everywhere. They were here and there, in the valley and on the little hill. But they were shy. Still not prepared to fully blossom. We carefully picked some and then we took some photos of us. I promised I'd frame one of them because we should forever remember today. This perfect spring day that God bestowed upon us:) 

   The road home made me smile once more because I realized all this journey helped me find myself, the same feeling I have after visiting a church. I really felt I connected with everything around me. I breathed spring, I let her come around me and enter my lungs, my heart, my everything. I feel complete. Right here, right now.

Day 177. The good old past

   People always say that the past haunts you, that it's bad and that you have to stop thinking about it and move forward towards the future. But little do they know that the good old past can remind you who you really are and can help you find missing links when you have those moments wondering "Who am I and what am I doing here?" 

   Today I felt happy because I could catch up with my good old TV shows and I laughed my ass off with my favorite characters. I had forgotten how good those TV shows were. When you're caught up in the go-to-work-come-home circle you sometimes lack the time to enjoy your usual habits... and today I could do just that. And that's how I realized the present me can embrace the past me and enjoy life together. Because life isn't starting again every morning, it's a mere sequel of a lot of yesterdays:) And I like the choices I made yesterday. So here's to the good old past:)

Day 176. The 1st of March

   Today I had such a special day:) It felt like I stepped in a dream and I was walking around in amazement in a land of fairies. Everywhere I looked I was surrounded by beautiful spring flowers. Snowdrops, hyacinths and tulips, a sea of color and perfume:) Wow! And it was the 1st of March. Such a festive day! It made everything more intense and more springy:)

   At the kindergarten children were all wearing cute cartoon character trinkets. I loved seeing their faces light up when talking about them and proudly associating them with spring:) Everybody was so happy while working on their little gifts for their mothers while spring songs could be heard everywhere. Spring decorations were hanging in the halls and in the classrooms and everyone was giving away and receiving mărțișoare:) I received some myself. The kids were sooo adorable while giving them to me:) One of the little ones said: "Have a lovely spring and thank you for taking care of me." Awww!:) 

   Then, after coming home my cousin gave me this beautiful handmade mărțișor (in the photo). These are the ones I appreciate the most. The ones kids make with their own hands. They have so much more meaning:)

   And this is what spring is all about. JOY! The joy of coming back to life and enjoying nature and its wonders. Spring is definitely THE season. My season:) I'm in love again:)