Sunday, December 28, 2014

My merry little Christmas


Dear diary,

   This year's Christmas was wonderful. I was always surrounded by family, friends and loved ones, we went caroling, we walked and picked mistletoe, we shared delicious food and we caught up, we played games, we watched movies, I saw people I haven't seen in a long time, I did things I used to do when I was a little girl. It felt really good to go back to the basics and to feel so much love around me. I didn't do all this because I HAD TO, I didn't eat too much, I didn't do stuff everybody does, I did things that would bring me happiness and that would make the ones around me happy as well. 
   I'm still in the Christmas mood, there are still friends to visit, stories to share and laughter and games and another week of holiday. And then, we're slowly entering the new wonderful year of 2015, the year when I move out, when I will meet my future in laws, when I'll travel to Canada (and hopefully to the Czech Republic) and so much more. There's a wedding to plan and a whole beautiful adventure in between. 

   I'm really looking forward to the new year! But until then, I'm still enjoying the holiday.

Relaxed,
D.

P.S. I'll write the 2014 review when the time is right ;)
P.P.S. This year's Christmas tree accomplished every dream I've ever had *very very happy and proud*


Monday, December 8, 2014

Think happy thoughts


Dear diary,

   I'm a perfectionist. So I worry a lot. Sometimes I think that maybe things won't go as planned and I envision a posible bad outcome believing that this way I would be prepared for whatever comes. "Always be prepared for the bad things", my dad said. But in all my worry and irrational thinking I forget how important and life changing happy thoughts are. How just by envisioning a positive outcome, I already bring it closer. 
   I won't lie, it's difficult to try to think positive no matter what especially when you've been brought up a certain way. But I know kids do it all the time. If they can wake up every morning with a smile on their face forgetting about yesterday, why can't we? What I love about kids the most is how, because of their still developing brain, they can't think too far ahead. And boy, does that help. They focus on here and now and that's all they know. They do learn from their mistakes, but they can't plan for the long term future. So unless they really miss their mommy or some friend doesn't want to play with them, they don't worry. How amazing that is! 
   Because of the society we live in and because of all the accumulated negative emotional baggage we always seem to carry with us we step forward with fear and we lose touch with the inner child and the positive thoughts we can have. But the good thing is that we can teach our brain to focus on different things than it's used to. We, unlike kids, can solve problems so much easier and sometimes just by re-directing our thoughts. Isn't that amazing?
   So today I'm thinking happy thoughts even if the weather outside is kind of sad. I know I can bring the sun on the cloudy sky by drawing it in my mind. Because people are THAT powerful :)



Happy,
D.

Friday, November 28, 2014

The Christmas miracle


Dear diary,

    I know. I've been absent waaay too long and I left you all alone without updating you about the most wonderful thing that happened to me lately: I got ENGAGED! That's HUGE! And for a girl, it's a dream come true. To find that perfect soulmate that makes you shiver while thinking that maybe this is all just a really beautiful dream. That person that makes you feel at home when you're with him, that accepts you exactly how you are, who tells you you're his dream girl and wouldn't change anything about you. That person that makes you feel the most loved being on Earth, the same one that you KNOW will always be there for you no matter what and whose purpose is to make you happy. The one you love more than you love yourself, the one that makes you want to be better, that challenges you and helps you grow.

   My happiness the last month, especially since I've been proposed to abroad, in the most wonderful scenery ever, is beyond words. I always wanted to travel, all around the world and meet all sorts of cultures, weird and joyful and colorful and happy, to meet people who would teach me how to appreciate life and live it like there's no tomorrow. But somehow I made peace with myself thinking that there would be a really dim chance that I get to do that (because in my head traveling was waaay too expensive). I was ok with it. I knew I could surf the internet and "travel" to wherever I wanted. At least that. But this month, everything just turned into reality. It's like one of those Disney princess movies where the prince comes and saves the day. Well, my prince did not only save the day, but my whole existence. He brought so many new things in my life and with those he made it complete. I was shown that if you REALLY want something, the Universe will give you EXACTLY what you want and even MORE. That's why sometimes it still feels surreal. But I better believe it, because it's true. And I deserve it. 
   But I've been talking about something else completely. One of the reasons why I didn't write to you is that November was yet again a really busy month because of... ADVENT calendars making! This year I made not 7 (like last year) but 9! 9 x 24 = 216 individual days, 6 types of different Advent calendars and less than a month to prepare them and get them all ready. It's been a continuous headache at some points, but yet again, a really wonderful outcome! 


I already exchanged 2 of them with some of my girls and they absolutely loved them! Can't wait to see what the others think! 




   Now... about the Christmas miracle. My mom and dad always thought that the fact that I was making Advent calendars was childish and way too artist-y for them. I felt judged but I didn't mind them. I just knew what I loved to do. Little did I know that today I would come home to a brand new Advent calendar bought for me by them. One that they actually planned for. They made tasks and put sweets in and actually sat together and thought about it. I can't express how happy this makes me feel. It's the best Christmas gift that they could ever give me. By doing this they express that even if our needs and interests are different, they believe in me and they want me to be happy and they want to do anything they can to MAKE ME HAPPY. I'm teary right now. I just am so thankful for everything I have in my life right now. And it's Thanksgiving in the US today so it's appropriate. I want to take this opportunity to THANK THE UNIVERSE AND GOD for giving me everything that I ever wanted. For believing in me, for nurturing me, for returning all the love that I have given. 

   In the end... what you give, you shall receive :)

Forever thankful,
D.



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Changing the world


Dear diary,

   Everyone has an ultimate purpose in their life: maybe being happy, having a beautiful family of their own, being rich and popular, creating something truly beautiful or maybe changing the world, like I do. We all want something big while we're here. The top of our list. The thing we work for, strive for, dream about. I want to heal the world, as cheesy as it might sound. I want to help people, make their lives better, change their way of thinking, make them happy. Not just for now, but on the long term. I want to see people who love each other and who live a long, happy life. I know it might sound like a utopia in today's society, but when you're working as a psychologist, you can see that happening in bits and pieces of what you're trying to do. The problem is that working in a kindergarten has its perks but also its disadvantages. You can't see the kid on the long term. He graduates and he goes away. You don't know how much you actually helped. If you helped. Working with small kids is a neverending challenge. Today, they may be quiet, obeying and pay attention to what you want to teach them and know they actually learned something but tomorrow you might feel like an alien on a different planet and no matter how you try to make yourself understood, you can't do it. They just don't seem to want to listen. Because what they truly want is to PLAY. And it's all natural. Because they're KIDS.
   I've had a feeling of helplessness lately. The feeling that makes you question your very existence. "Am I actually making a change here? Do I actually HELP or do I keep trying in vain and nothing changes? What should I do next? How should I take this failure?" But then I realized you can't change the whole world in a single day. God took 6 days to build it. He didn't rush. He simply took His time. So why should I? Why do I tend to fall into the parents' expectations of being a doctor who serves a pill that makes their kids perfectly adapted and well behaved? I can't do that no matter how hard I try and if I keep wishing for sudden, huge changes I will never see that. As a wise friend said recently, I might not change the world in the kindergarten but at least I put the kids in the right direction. And that helps too, right? The fact that they ALL want to jump on me, hugging me EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to visit them, the fact that they say "I love you, Dana" and "I'm so happy to see you" already gives me a feedback of a job well done. No matter how the kids actually perceive the help I wanted to give them. At least they show appreciation. Which means I'm not that far from what I actually wanted. I am making the tiniest differences in their small worlds, and I should be satisfied with THAT. I should accept that small changes are still changing the world. That doing the best I can with what I have NOW is good too. So, for a while now, I choose to give up on my performance anxiety and just keep doing what I do and be happy to see all my kids HAPPY. In the end, that's my ultimate purpose, right? 


Mental self note: See the bigger picture! Don't get lost in the small details!

Hopeful,
D.


Thursday, September 25, 2014

Pride and prejudice


Dear diary,

   Every day I discover genuine acts of kindness around me, so little and yet so inspiring. And the most amazing thing is that they all come from the most unexpected people ever, the subjects of criticisms and prejudice.
   I want to be above that. I want to stop generalizing that a certain type of people are bad or not trustworthy, I want to stop feeling Fear, Guilt or Anger. I want to be a better person and not just say it, but act upon it and leave out all the negative thinking involving other people. Because, in the end, the rules from kindergarten apply to the rules of the society we live in: we all need to accept each other just the way we are (unless we're harming each other) and stop thinking we should change because we're grown ups and we're all the product of our upbringing... The written sequels of our parents' tales. Ones that can't be unwritten. So why keep trying to find the perfect rubber when we could just watch the tales in a different light and take the good things out of them?
   I'm still fixated on our brain being prone to negativity. I want to keep fighting to stay positive and take the beautiful energy out of this huge library of tales. Transform the "Pride and Prejudice" into "Love and Understanding" so that I could be happy every single day. It's so easy to be happy. And it's so easy to be good, kind and loving, too :)

Smiling wide,
D.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Lessons from a flower


Dear diary,

   A new school year began yesterday and on this very first day all teachers receive flowers. I received some too and they made me feel appreciated. But what I loved the most was that my daily quote matched the occasion: "A flower in front of me, I want to hear what it says". So I started thinking: what do flowers teach us? Hmmm...

1. Be delicate: don't be afraid to be gentle and graceful, it's actually beautiful in a woman.

2. Be feminine: wear dresses: pretty, light and airy fabrics that enhance your femininity, stop wearing those jeans Every.Single.Day. There are so many ways to wear a dress, look up inspirations!

3. Be elegant: This goes hand in hand with the other two ones, but it's also about the attitude. A rose is elegant on its own, it doesn't necessarily need to be put around other flowers to be elegant. Make your attitude stand out for you. In a good way.

4. Wear perfume: Sooo important! If there are flowers like lilies or freesias that I would keep smelling, there are also perfumes that are just as yummy and wearing them makes such a difference. I remember scents in the bus, on the street, scents that stayed with me. Perfumes help you be remembered.

5. Be confident and just bloom without comparing yourself to others. There are so many beautiful flowers out there, but they never feel weird about not being beautiful enough. Diversity is good, love yourself just the way you are, with your flaws and your imperfections. You're human, nobody's perfect.

6. Be joyful: Find a reason to be happy every day. There are many small blessings around you that could just make your day if you are willing. I love the warm sun in the morning or an addictive song recommended when I least expect.

7. Wear happy colors: Less blacks, greys and browns, more viridian, turquoise, aubergine, burgundy, salmon, peach, pink blush! So many color combinations, just look around you on the street and be inspired! 

8. Bring happiness to people around you: Remember how happy you are when you receive flowers, make people just as happy and then you can say it was a day worth living! Many times just sending a random hug message, checking up on a friend or listening and showing compassion helps so much!

9. Never let go, find resources to go on, bloom every year no matter what! Even if there are days when you wished you stayed in bed, even if the dark autumn days are approaching, find a purpose (going somewhere in vacation, Christmas decorations, etc) and stick to it, it will make you happy when the skies are grey.

10. Know what you want and what you need: If you need love, health, peace of mind or happiness, ask for it and the Universe will give it to you. Just don't forget to be Specific and also remember the famous saying: "Be careful what you wish for, because it might come true". So think hard before you ask. 

   I want to remember these small lessons, especially when I feel sad or worried. Flowers don't worry, they just bloom :)


P.S. Happy colors and polka dots make me sooo happy:



Happy happy, joy joy,
D.

  

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

I need you to need me


Dear diary,

   Life's short. We all know it. Before dying, some people like to leave behind some wise sayings they developed after an eventful life. I'm not there yet, but I found something pretty important already. After deep conversations with some friends and watching a lot of Breaking Bad lately, I realized that what we all really need in life is not money or any kind of earthly possesions but to be needed, appreciated, loved and valued just the way we are, without future alterations. Nobody wants to be borrowed, rented or stolen and then given back, sold or left on a forgotten shelf somewhere. We're not objects. We're human beings. We have a soul and needs. And the most important one is that we all need to be needed. We lose our grounds when somebody makes us feel replaceable, insignificant, not enough. When we don't match the expectations. And that's what breaks us all. Not being enough. 
   It's so easy to fall down and remain there for the rest of our life. So easy to keep finding reasons to not believe in ourselves when we could be looking for reasons to stand up and go on. Our brain is too complicated to comprehend. I gave up trying after I found out evolution plays a huge part of it. 
   Even though, no matter what happens, we'll always try to be a part of something, of someone's life. We're social beings, so don't blame us, it's in our nature. But what should we do when we feel we're not enough? I think we should take our time, as much as we need, licking our wounds in that deep, dark pit and when we're ready, stand up and try to give this weird, complicated maze a meaning. Find something that keeps us alive and a ball of yarn to unfold and play with while we're discovering the meaning of it all. Learn from our past mistakes and never give up even if we feel like doing it. Never stop playing the game even if it feels too hard to solve. We're here to grow wise, not to die mediocre. 
   We can do so much more than we think we can. We're so powerful and yet, we don't know it. Because we're afraid to see our true self. If we just stepped out of the shades and into the sun letting it fill us with its warmth, we'd see life in a whole different light. So why lay in the shades for the rest of our life? Why be afraid when there's so much more to experience out there? And so many reasons to love ourselves in the first place. Because, just like the old saying goes, if you like yourself the others will like you too. And don't we all like to be liked? :)

Hopeful,
D.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

The warrior within


Dear diary,

   Each day I'm more and more surprised by my dreams. Especially by the Dana in them. So many things happen to her and she's like Lara Croft, Joan of Arc and Mrs. Smith all in one: a free spirit with a wild heart, so determined, fearless and powerful, always knowing what she has to do. Not that I'm not like that in real life (maybe at a cognitive level), but this woman in my dreams is playing a very complex game and every night she passes to the next level. 
   She's sometimes afraid of things she meets along the way but she never gives up. She keeps on going and going and she never gets tired. She encounters things I see every day, things I saw weeks or months ago or things I thought about, all jumbled up in a never ending maze. And when I wake up each morning I feel overwhelmed by the journey she's been through. 
   Few are the nights when I don't remember dreaming something. My dreams are ones of the most complex I have ever heard of. It's like I'm living a parallel life there. 
   So now I'm curious how other people's dreams look like. I've always been interested in the world of dreams and their meaning. 

Fascinated,
D.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The happy song


Dear diary,

   I've never been so happy in my life and it's so sad to see that some people think I might be faking it. I couldn't be happier, really. 
   Every day I wake up feeling more and more thankful and more and more in love with my life: I have my dream job, I'm loved and I love, I'll get to travel (finally! I picked up my first passport ever yesterday) and sooo many beautiful things happened to me this year and will surely happen from now on! I feel like I'm at the peak of my life. I didn't think it's possible to be happier every day, but I'm living it right now so I gotta believe it.
   There are many times lately when I find myself daydreaming and smiling randomly or saying "life's amazing". How could I be unhappy when I have everything I ever wished for? I just hope everyone reaches this point. All they gotta do is find what they love and lead their life around that, be it a job, a hobby, some beautiful people or anything else. When you're doing what you love you inevitably attract happy memories and happy people around you because... you are Happy! 
   So, dear diary, more exciting things ahead! I'm the luckiest and the happiest girl alive!

(Still) In love with life,
D.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Sunshine, rainbows and butterflies


Dear diary,

   We're surrounded by negativity every day. Me, more than others. And I feel the need to actively push it away and surround myself with positivity instead. So that's why I love a good sunny day, a rainbow after a summery storm or a colorful place when I see it. I breathe art, I live through it and it's the most important thing that keeps me going. So no, dear teacher from Psychology University, I believe you're not right in saying weather doesn't influence us and that it's all in our head and our own interpretation. I am very much influenced by it and a ray of sunshine after a whole cloudy day can make my day, a colorful notebook or that perfect green dress that I saw behind a window do change my day in so many ways I can't even tell you. I don't know how it happens, but I just know it does. How else would you explain color therapy or music therapy working with the same effects as your cognitive therapy on patients all over the world? 
   So, dear diary, I want to choose what I believe in and I wanna have MY OWN religion. I do appreciate people's opinions and some of them are applicable but I will go on as a dreamer and a beautiful artist who loves her own little bubble and who is thrilled every time she sees other artists like her out there. I'm not alone and I feel so good to know there are others like me in the midst of all these realistic people who know what I should do to be happy. Nope, they don't. They know what would make THEM happy, but we're so different so why not accept our differences and celebrate them supporting each other every time we're happy about something? :) In the end, feeling understood and valued is what we all need to be really happy.

Feeling wise,
D.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Holy(day)


Dear diary,

   Exams finally passed and after 2 months of studying and losing contact to all people around me, everything's back on track: I took the exam I was worried about and I'm still waiting for the results on the other one, but I have a good feeling. 
   So guess what: I'm gonna work in the same kindergarten one more yeaaaar! I'm so happy! I love seeing the kids grow and evolve alongside with me and I can't wait to read them the books I bought for them from Vatra Dornei! 
   Life's good. Really good. And I feel so blessed for having everything I want and need. So many things have changed for the better:) Life's exciting and full of new things! 
   So now I'm gonna catch up with my friends, go out for photos, read wonderful books, watch my TV shows and enjoy the awesome things summer has still prepared for me! It's finally a holiday!

In love with life,
D.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Of chasing and reaching heaven



Dear diary,

   I wish everyone could feel what I feel right now... what I've been feeling for the past week and a half. I didn't write anything for a long time because I didn't find the right words to express it. It's still hard. I don't know many things, but what I do know is that right now I'm in heaven. With Iulia and nine kids, but I feel like I'm all by myself. And that's one of the few reasons why I miss my dear city and everything it contains. Nevertheless, it's the kind of heaven a nature lover understands and longs for. A mountain kind of lover. 
   ... Of dark fir tree tops and fog and rays of sunshine when you least expect. 
   ... Of a sea of daisies and a warm sun touching me on my fingers while I write this. 
  ... Of crickets and hay, of the old kind of summer we all miss. Deep in the heart of nature, surrounded only by warm, simple people, their cows and horses and their stories of a lifetime spent here. 
   ... Of a welcoming park and its delicious ice cream, of a gorgeous little corner library with the most amazing stories and illustrations. 
   ... Of fear and letting go of it and finally enjoying life. 
   ... Of the pain of continually studying and then finding more and more reasons why you have to keep going. 
   ... Of falling in love with children, their innocence and their creativity, their never ending affection and being a teacher for the first time in a camp far away from home. 
   ... Of daily new experiences and taking each day as it comes. 
   ... Of fulfilling dreams and making new ones. 
   ... Of feeling blessed and accepting everything that happens to you. 
   ... Of wishing everyone dear to you would be here and actually succeeding to do that. 
   Dear diary, I'm in heaven and I will never forget this beautiful summery dream. My first step as a teacher in a camp... from many other steps to come:) 

Blissful,
D.


Sunday, June 15, 2014

The doors


Dear diary,

   I've been thinking about a new concept that came to my mind for a while now. I find it interesting how the important people in our life unlock different doors inside us. It's like we're all wonderful castles that carry their stories of the past with them... some happy, some sad, but all as important to the beauty and the mystery of the castle.
   As castles, we all gather bits and pieces of information that has been given to us and we keep it in different rooms along the time. And when the right person approaches the castle, it enters it and it finds a new key that leads to a new room. A room with wonders and unexpected beauty. With secret books they never knew existed but which apparently were always there. 
   New people open new rooms of the beautiful castle and in the end the whole building will be open to visit for it has reached the age of wisdom when it can give forward what it has received over so many years. 
   How wonderful can it be to know that at an unexpected moment, an unexpected visitor will open up a new room in your beautiful castle, a room that will be a wonder for both the visitor and for the castle itself!:)

In wonder,
D.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Bits of stolen soul


Dear diary,

   The other day I discovered that, just like Augustus in "The fault in our stars", I'm an insatiable soul. I'm never satisfied with an answer, I always want to know more and analyse everything. So even when I'm laying in bed with my eyes closed before falling asleep, I think about something. I analyse, I try to understand. I'm also never satisfied with just reading one book by an author I love. Actually, when I fall in love with a writer, I'm the worst "girlfriend" ever. I suffocate him with my attention buying all his books that saw the light of paper and then I get lost in his universe until I finish the last book written. I love underlining my favorite quotes and transfering them in my life. I identify with his characters and I forget who I am. I let him steal a bit of my soul and I never look back. 
   I realized I developed a deep, complex and consuming relationship with my favorite books. Not in the sense of feeling the urgent need to read them over and over again. (I don't remember if I ever read a book twice.) No. It's consuming in the sense that my life feels empty whenever the book ends. I find myself missing the characters and wondering how their life might be, just like Hazel (the other character in "The fault in our stars") did after reading "An imperial affliction". She made me remember life is damn short and we'd better live it. She inspired me in thinking that maybe when we're born we each receive an hourglass. Some are huge, others are tiny. An anonymous pre-ordered hourglass. And when the sand is finished, we end our beautiful journey. Just like that. Without further explanation. 
   Augustus feared oblivion. I fear the exact same thing, but then my friends said that the smallest gesture we do towards somebody might change his life and so he'll change somebody else's remembering how I changed his. So maybe, just maybe, we do matter. Even when we're stardust, we still matter. And that's the most comforting thing ever. But until I get there, until my dust finishes, I wanna go out there and continue what I started. Keep falling in love with beautiful writers and spread bits of my soul to the ones who earned it. Because, oh, how good does that feel!

Forever in love,
D.
   
   




Monday, May 26, 2014

The other pieces of myself


Dear diary,

    You know that cliché saying that goes something like "they fit like two pieces of a puzzle"? Until some days ago I thought it meant "they fit like the only two pieces of a puzzle that go together and their encountering is so rare and fortunate". Which is wrong. That's only true if it's a 2 pieces puzzle for "3+ months". Otherwise, we're all just a random middle piece of a 500 pieces puzzle and we match between 2 and 4 other pieces either to our left, right, above or below. So no, in that big pool of 499 pieces left, we don't match just ONE, kids. Look around, we're incomplete without the other neighboring pieces! The big puzzle will only be complete after all the pieces are found. 
   Some pieces are smart and hard-working and they don't give up so easily because they love puzzles so they find their mates easily and they'll be soon ready to get matched up with other puzzle groups. Other pieces are waiting to be found. Some wait a lot. But in the end, the world is a small place... uhm, puzzle. So they will eventually be found and the puzzle will be complete. Thing is, today we might encounter the piece that fits to our left but tomorrow we might as well find the one that fits to our right. And we'll feel just as awesome. But remember, the puzzle isn't complete until all the missing pieces are in their right spot! 
   So look around and enjoy meeting the other pieces. They might be "the sky" and you might be "the grass" but I bet you'll have things to share. In the end, we're all part of the same puzzle.

Puzzled,
D.

Friday, May 16, 2014

My little bubble


Dear diary,

   I had that aha moment again. So I remembered I HAVE to write to you. You know how every day we see dozens of new faces (or maybe old faces we don't remember) and we still focus on our little bubble full with desires, needs and emotions and we forget all about the presence of others? It's funny how one random day you just "wake up" realizing you're Not alone in the world and that you're actually Always surrounded by people but somehow, you can't explain how, you're so caught up in your own web that you feel you're living on your own planet. And that day, when you wake up and you look around you see thousands of other webs that interconnect with yours. And when you lift your eyes you see other eyes just as confused as yours. Hmm... so many people, so many life stories, so many webs:) 
   I remember that once, when I was younger I wished I had the power to just look a person in the eyes and know their entire life. But now I know that would be a too heavy burden to bear. Maybe our brain is focused on our own life because it has to preserve it and it knows how to. What good would it do if we constantly noticed the others and we compared ourselves to them? We do that anyhow, but just paying too much attention would be destructive, I think, especially since we probably won't see that person again. 
   So in the end, ignorance truly is bliss. But that doesn't mean we should walk watching our shoes. There's a whole world outside the bubble and maybe one day we'll want to "wake up" and realize there are people out there whose webs can influence us for the better... and we can focus on them. 

   The world beyond our little bubble is a wonderful place and we should never cease to be amazed. 

Awake,
D.

Friday, May 2, 2014

The art of traveling



Dear diary,

   I finished reading "Paper towns" at 6 in the morning and I had an aha moment. I realized life's an extraordinary journey (I said it various times before, but hear me out): every day is a new mile towards our destination. It's up to us if we take friends with or if we choose to be lone travelers. What's important is that we're daily given wonderful opportunities sightseeing and meeting people so if we wanna stay in the car at times we might lose a whole world out there. It all depends on us. 
   Also, when we start traveling we're not always fully prepared and it seems that we often encounter unexpected situations but the way we get out of them defines who we are and who we'll turn out to be at the end of the journey. Are we excited about traveling or ar we grumpy, saying "I wish I could just sleep today, it's pouring outside"?
   So, prepared or not, we're traveling so we should get in the right mood and start collecting memories! Some places will only be seen once if a lifetime and it would be a pity if we passed by them grumpily. 

Learning how to always smile,
D.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Turn it around


Dear diary,

   Do you remember how when we're little we desperately want to grow up and when we're grown ups we desperately want to go back to being children? Yeah, I'm there. In the second part of that phrase. I'm so tired of being stressed about everything since nothing really matters. It's all going to get lost in oblivion sooner or later anyhow so I have no idea why my brain wants to worry... to make everything so perfect. Maybe I didn't receive enough attention as a kid so I wanna gain it now through everything I do. Or my father is a perfectionist and he raised me to be the same... One of the two...
   I see kids around me every day, so joyful and full of energy, with no care in the world and all the love to give. They make me wish I was built differently. I wish I could just close my eyes and say "Fuck it, it's gonna be okay" from the first time when I feel worry walking around me like a sly fox. But unfortunately I swim in stormy waters before getting there cos that's what I do. 
   It's funny to see how being a psychologist doesn't heal the wounds. It just makes you be aware of them and have to live with them daily without being able to cure yourself really. 
   So I thought about this: when I'll have my own kids you bet I'll make their childhood and teenage period worth living so that there wouldn't be ONE single moment when they will say "I wish I would just grow up already". No you don't, kid, you really don't...

Pondering,
D.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Easter feast


   Dear diary,

   It's Easter time again, that time of the year when we're both sad and happy: sad remembering Jesus's great sacrifice for the whole humanity and happy because He won the battle over the evil when He has risen. Easter is also the time when I get to cook with my mom and bond over the little things, the same time when I get the chance to be creative again because a holiday like this also involves decorations:) 
   This year I've decided to go back to my Romanian roots and dye a part of the eggs the way my dear dear grandma used to: with cute leaves and natural onion dye. 


    But given that spring always brings a huge splash of color in my life, I felt inspired to dye some other eggs like this: 


   Add two or three more decorations and my room is invaded in a sea of eggs, green grass and bunnies:) Nothing new for Dana, huh? :)
   I should be preparing for my upcoming inspection but vacation makes me lazy and sometimes it's good to just lay back and chill. Deadline's not over yet, so there's still plenty of time to finish all my lesson plans. I'm following my inner instinct. And that instinct tells me to enjoy every day the best I can... in the end, it's not vacation all the year:)

Veeeery relaxed,
D.




Thursday, April 10, 2014

Birthday girl


   Dear future Dana,

   There's no place like home and there's no birthday like the one shared with your loved ones. 



   This year I felt like a mini Anthony Hopkins (I saw this video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LGVGekPSzo and I was soooo impressed by the fact that the whole audience was clapping while standing BEFORE the waltz was played. That moment I realized I want to reach that. I want to change the world in such a way that people notice.) I got soooo many beautiful messages and so many people made me feel special and important. I got meaningful gifts which made me cry happy tears. I understood I'm on a good path. Whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it right. I inspire people, I make them smile. And that's what I always wanted.



   So I guess I'm 26 now. No longer 18, no longer 20 or twenty something, it's 26 and I feel like a woman. One in full bloom... good, brave and wise... just like he told me 8 years ago. What I lack in work experience, I make up with passion and dedication. I am living the dream life. I read somewhere that 80% of the people hate their jobs. Wow, that's huge. I don't. I actually LOVE it. With ups and downs, good days and bad days, naughty kids or the most heart warming ones. I love it all. I am at the peak of my youth and I intend to live it all as well. 

Here's to an amazing 26th year! The adventure has just begun!
With joy and anticipation,
Wild as ever,
D.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Perfectly imperfect


Dear diary,

   Everything that happened around me lately helped me realize how imperfect we all are, how afraid we are to not meet expectations, worried about an uncertain grown up future, angry knowing we don't own everything we want, sad thinking everybody judges us. We're truly our own biggest enemies. We are the ones who stop ourselves from reaching daily happiness by allowing all the negative emotions make room in our mind. We're living in a constant fear, we love and grow dependent of the ones we love, forgetting that we have to love ourselves first in order to have a basic happy life. 
   Today I didn't wear any makeup while going to work and I still smiled. I inhaled the fresh air, watched the birds chirping, the sun rays reaching me through fresh green trees, colorful people walking to work and I smiled again saying "You know what? I'm beautiful just the way I am. And today I love myself." It was such an important start of a good day. I focused on watching happy people pass me by, I imagined their happy little lives and I told myself again the mantra of a wise friend I adopted last night: "I'm not happy all the day, but I'm happy every day." And so I shall. I will accept that I am perfect in my imperfection and I will allow myself to have good days and bad days, cooking experiments gone wild and tears now and then. Because it's all natural. But I will focus on the negative side less and less... and when the world seems too hard to bear, I'll call a friend and bear it together. Cos two is always better than one.

Sunny and proud,
D.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Joy(full)


Dear diary,

   I've started to bake again. Cupcakes this time. I'm enthusiastic because these little cookies give you the opportunity to be as creative as you can. And we all know I'm all about creativity:) 



   I'm filling my time with positive vibes, positive people and positive activities. Things that make my soul rejoice. Hard times are always overcome with positive thoughts about the future. Something like this:


   I have good days and bad days, but I'm continuing the "new year, new attitude" idea with a shift in my way of thinking. More than ever I'm focusing on the bright side of life and I'm making all my wishes come true without expecting anyone to do that for me. I'm living every day as it comes and I'm doing everything on my "Must do" list I wrote along the years. TODAY is the best moment to do that. 
   Spring inspires me every step of the way. I'm taking photos, I'm smiling, I'm rejoicing the best season of the year through all the pores of my skin. Let it spring! :)

Joyful,
D.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Spring lessons


Dear diary,

  Life goes on. Always. No matter what happens deep inside every one of us. Nature follows its course and spring is in full bloom. I love that about life. That it can find the power to always go on even in the strangest situations. Life prevails. And it keeps teaching us lessons every day. And today our lesson is that 
... we gotta move on, 
... try to take the best of everything that happens to us,
... be ready to rearrange plans if needed, 
... take wise decisions
... and regret nothing. 
... be in full bloom, just like the trees outside, 
... be feminine, colorful and joyful.

   The first true days of spring have brought a never ending smile on my face. I'm finally dressing light, wearing new flowery clothes, smelling of watermelon, eating strawberries and spreading love all around. I'm experiencing a whole new side of life, I'm doing things I've always longed to do, I'm happy and I know it. Life's good.

Breathing spring,
D.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Quilling, my love


Dear diary,

   I always secretly loved quilling. But I never showed it. I was impressed by how skillful artists have to be in order to produce something so beautiful and interesting just by twisting paper. I thought it would be really hard and you needed some special talent to be able to create something like that. So I decided to just admire it and wish that one day I would be skillful enough to learn how to create something so magical myself. Later on more and more people around me would start getting into this beautiful hobby. So I decided to gather my strengths and get into it myself. I had to make a card for someone but I knew nothing about quilling so I literally took a baby step because my first creation was a little heart (cute, huh?) and it turned out something like this:


Then, after having watched "How to" quilling movies on Youtube I realized it's all waaay easier than I expected. And you don't even have to create everything in your head. You can take examples from the internet and produce them your way. So, I started making Birthday cards for dear people around me:



   Now, the quilling fever got to me so much that a day without creating something feels like a lost day. So I'm looking forward for the next occasion I'll have to create something for someone. I know people usually practice and practice at this stage, but I'm more motivated by real commissions:) 
   So this is how, my dear diary, my spring got a whole new spin and how I added a new crafty hobby on my list :)

Crafty as ever,
D.



 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Rebirth


Dear diary,

   The past two weeks have been crazy but I enjoyed it all even if I had to work day in and day out evaluating kids for school. In the middle of all that, March surprised me with its wonders and its soft touch, its mild rays of sun, its snowdrops, tulips, hyacinths and all those colors I've missed so much during wintertime. 
   I realized life's a kaleidoscope. When we're little we only see the first image and then, as we grow up, we keep turning it and turning it until we see other shades of it every year that passes by. It's interesting to see how even if the months are still 12 and the events are the same every year, their meaning changes every step of the way.
   Things have dramatically changed around me but for the first time in my life I embrace change with a smile on my face knowing that everything happens for a reason and being open to all opportunities that come around. I won't be able to work at the same kindergarten next year, but I accepted the fact that the universe wants me somewhere else, that I have other kids to help, other stories to write, other hugs to give away. 
   Spring is the time of rebirth, isn't it? I'm being born again. I have been bent and broken, but I'm sure, into a better shape:) And I'm happy with my transformation. I live the life I chose, I do what I love and I'm surrounded by good vibes and beautiful experiences. So, take me by the hand, spring! Let's explore the world together!
   
Always a spring lover,   
D.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Walking on sunshine


Dear diary,

   Today I remembered how awesome it feels to be high on serotonin. I've been born again once I went out and saw the sun shining over the trees, breathed in the crisp air, listened to the birds chirp and rode the bus on French jazzy notes. 
   I felt like a tourist. The city looked completely different in that beautiful afternoon light, so beautiful that I decided to leave my book aside for some minutes and just enjoy the view. I kept smiling. I smiled at buildings, at a little girl who smiled back at me, at the dog in the bus station while petting him, at my mom who greeted me:) I kept smiling for the rest of the day while cooking for my family and I'm smiling even now while the sun is sound asleep.
   I missed the sun. So much. It made me realize that every day that's not sunny is  yet another day in which we gotta keep holding on until the sun is out. I don't know about others, but the whole world seems different to me when my sunny friend is out for a walk. 
   I missed walking carefreely, looking up and saying "Spring is in the air!" so now I'm happier than ever! Future looks bright already. Can't wait to see what's next!

Still smiling,
D.
   

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Old Man


Dear diary,

   I saw the Old Man today. He was walking slowly, moving his cane every step he took. He stopped patiently at the red light and waited. It was funny seeing him so patient when I knew for sure he didn't like to wait for anything or anybody... but maybe today it was all different. Maybe he was indirectly showing us how we should act. He's an old man in the end, right? He's supposed to be wiser. And I'm sure he is.
   As I was watching him from the passing bus I found myself smiling. I thought that if he could make it, I will make it as well. I'll just follow his footsteps and take one small step at a time. I will get there in the end. And by the time I do I will be waiting patiently at the red light as well:)

Still young and restless,
D.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Spring within


   Dear diary,

   I realized that nobody is looking forward to the harsh, freezing Winter. Not this side of her, anyway. 
   We're all afraid that at some point we'll have to go out in the cold and endure our soul freezing. So we stay cozy indoors as much as possible while looking forward to meeting the mild, beautiful sister that Spring is. Just that sometimes Winter doesn't wanna leave and we have to brace ourselves and accept her in our lives as long as she wants to stay. 
   At first it's dreadful cos you just want her to go away and you want sunny, mellow days when you can wander around the city carefreely. Then you try to understand that you can't control everything and it takes a while until you fully let go and take life as it comes. But in the end you do and that's exactly when Spring arrives. New beginnings are just around the corner when you're ready for them. Until then, you're gonna have to live through the longest Winter there is. But eventually we all prevail and those sunny days come bringing snowdrops to light up our face. 

   Spring is gonna come in the end. If it's not coming, then it's not the end. 

Love,
Serene D.


Thursday, February 6, 2014

Loading adulthood


   Dear diary,

   Sometimes I wish I could understand everything that's happening to me. I know it all has a reason, but I don't know THE reason. Life seems so complicated lately. Being an adult involves a lot of serious long term decisions that you need to take not knowing where they lead you. 
   They say you should take every day as it comes and I'm trying to do that but unlike all the previous years 2014 is definitely gonna make it or break it. Full of important life changing events that will outline my future path, it surely puts a lot of pressure on my shoulders. 
   I don't know about others, but I tend to feel kinda lost lately. Yeah, I know who I am and what I like, but I don't know what's gonna happen next. Who does, anyway? 
   So here's to an interesting 2014 that I'm certainly looking forward to experience! I'm sure life will continue to give me unexpected gifts exactly when I need them the most. 
 
Loading adulthood ...
D.

Friday, January 31, 2014

The lessons


   Dear diary,

   I learned that life takes you by surprise. No matter how much you try to prepare yourself for what's coming.
   I learned that you never completely know yourself and that you have to be willing to play the beautiful unfolding game life is so you could get to know yourself a little more every day.
   I learned that we take so many things for granted and it's so hard not to once we're used to having them around.
   I learned that it's all an illusion. The mirror of Erised. And it takes a whole while till you figure that out.
   I learned that now is more important than yesterday or tomorrow, that I want to live it all before I pass away. 
   I learned that life gives us gifts of all sorts and shapes and we should always take them. Because they don't come back.
   I learned I needed 25 years to be a woman and I'm still a kid inside. I love that part of myself and I enjoy it every day.
   I learned we're complex beings, beautiful ones, full of amazing features we should use more often. We need to be true to ourselves first and then to the others.
   I learned that it's hard to have no expectations but you can train yourself not to. That life is a game where you have to accept that sometimes you win and other times you lose and know that the game always goes on no matter what... with or without you.
   I learned that life's short, so we should do what we feel like and regret nothing.

Still learning,
D.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Life within books


   Dear diary,

   Life within the books I read usually seems so simple, so easy to understand and follow. Characters are confused and they feel down, but we already know the solution. When they are making a mistake we shout at them telling them what to do but they can't hear us.
   Thing is, books make us omniscient gods who know it all. Rather than that, real life is full of blanks we need to fill in like in those scary English classes. Who knew I'd end up loving filling in those blanks for others? Maybe one day I'll end up loving filling in my own. 
   Books help. They truly do. It's free therapy every time I feel bored, down or lonely. But they won't solve my puzzles. I have to. And 2014 is the biggest of them all. I decided to let the dice roll, let life unfold itself and go with the flow. 
   I'll keep on reading this year's book and underline my favorite quotes. Sure, there will be passages that will make me cry, there always are, but I already know there's going to be a kick ass ending... cos I  love fairytales and this is MY own book I'm reading!

Forever a reader,
D.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Lost and found


   Dear diary,

   We're losing ourselves daily in the midst of this beautiful journey. I learned that we often get lost trying to solve the big puzzle instead of starting with smaller ones. 
   We want to help, but we end up needing help ourselves. 
   We lose so much and find so little but somehow everything's okay in the end. 
   We get annoyed, frustrated, sad, broken. We lose. We find. 
   We open shiny doors and then we close them. By the time we visit them again they become ancient. Doors that didn't have a key but now they do. I learned that usually the good key is the last. That's why we always have to  be patient. 
   We get lost in the labyrinth we each created for ourselves. But isn't getting lost such a great adventure? All that adrenaline rushing and that slight fear of being forever lost that boosts us into trying to find the exit and in the same time gives us the reassuring feeling that there's still time. We wander around dark streets, closing our eyes and thinking nobody sees us, we breathe in, breathe out and then we smile. It's the best feeling in the world... Getting lost and then finding ourselves again. 
   
Forever lost... and found,
D.