Christmas Past, Present and Future

   Dear diary,

   It's Christmas day again. That time of the year when I'm filled with both sadness and joy: sadness cos I can't believe a whole year has passed already and joy because I can witness the most wonderful time of the year again:) The one I was looking forward to since January, the same one that allows me to be a kid no matter the age. 

   This year's been different for me, though. The Advent calendar changed the whole equation and brought more magic in my life. I never thought something so small and humble could do such a difference:) The planning and crafting and then the daily tasks... it definitely put me in the Christmas mood! I used to be sad, bored, or worried. The Advent calendar wiped away all of that and it replaced it with enthusiasm, anticipation and joy. I'm almost on the verge of crying because I realize today's the last day of this special gift called Advent. Such a terrific thing, involving so much dedication, passion and love, more than you thought you had, more than you thought you could give away. The Advent makes you a crafter, a loving, nurturing and thoughtful being. Everybody should experience it: giving and receiving love in the most innocent way possible:)

   The past Christmases have been beautiful, as long as I was a child. Then it all turned into a must and it somehow lost its feeling while growing up. This year I feel mature enough to know how to make the difference and how to keep the spirit alive: it all comes down to letting yourself enjoy the little things. Live Christmas exactly like kids do. And that's what the Advent brought along:) I'm sure the future Christmases will be just as beautiful as this one: with love, peace, joy, family, friends and a lot of creativity (Advent included). Because in the end that's what makes the difference. Letting yourself be a kid no matter the age while celebrating the birth of the most miraculous child on Earth:) 

   I know... it didn't snow this year. But I brought snow inside:) And now, happiness is all around. In my eyes and in the eyes of everyone who gazed at my Christmas tree. What more could I wish for?

Feeling the Christmas magic,

D.

Day 355. Forever ago

   Today I accidentally plunged in my past and I noticed it didn't hurt so I decided to swim deeper and deeper. It made me realize how much I miss a dear friend I lost contact with, how much things have changed around during the past 5 years and I ended up asking myself if I had changed as well. 

   So I called my best friend over to take a look at our life then (during high school teenage years when we were desk mates) and now (when we're already employed emerging adults). It was kinda difficult for me to remember past experiences so way back because once I closed that book and forgot it on a shelf in the attic I only remembered closer experiences from university. So I had to go back to the attic and dig for the lost book. Then I started comparing. Then and Now. Now and Then. 

   You'd say the result is expected. Kinda like textbook development. I still like the same general things, just that now I know exactly which ones and how I like them to be. Take psychology for example. Back in high school I started being interested in the field and I knew I wanted to become a psychologist because I loved listening to people. Now I am practicing it but I'm a school psychologist not a clinical therapist because I realized I love kids more than anything and that therapy is way more complicated than it seemed back then:) 

   You could say my search has been refined and now not only than I know exactly who I am and what I'm looking for, but I'm also in a stable relationship for 4 years. So THEN was all about exploring options and NOW is all about a single road I chose to follow. I love photography, writing, English and people. That's who I am and that's who I'm always gonna be:) I didn't change, I just evolved. I got out of my cocoon and now I'm flying around as a beautiful butterfly:) 

Day 324. The rough change

   From time to time we face our three fears: the fear of our haunting past, the fear of our uncertain present and the fear of our lonely and unfulfilled future. 

     The meeting is always rough and it hurts like hell but at some point we must look them in the eye and start chatting like old buddies for they are the ones that stop us from moving on with a smile on our face knowing that everything will be ok. 

   Sure, we hate the mistakes we've made in the past, but they made us better. We have no idea if our present friends are the real ones we'll have our whole life but sometimes we gotta let them go and see if they come back. We can't predict the future on the long term. We don't even know what tomorrow brings, but we gotta remember "today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday" and that we figured it out after all.

   So, let's accept our past mistakes cos we didn't know better, let some  of our friends go and see if they come back and stop worrying about tomorrow. Everything WILL be ok, no matter how many friends, money or things we will have. It's the inner peace we need. So we gotta stop and make a change of thought. 

  

Day 314. Utopia

   We all have those unreachable dreams. The utopias that just seem too far away for our present condition. But you know what? Believe in them and start acting accordingly! You never know when the time is right and poof! they come true:) 

   So dare to dream out loud! Take a leap of faith and start working. Big dreams involve baby steps and hard work but they are way better than no dreams at all:) And the result is always amazing!

   Today one of my biggest dreams came true:) I've carried it with me my whole life and it's been both a burden and a strong desire. And after all this, I can tell: if my utopia got real, yours can too:) Just remember that...

  

Day 260. The right time

    "There's a right time for everything:

A right time for birth and another for death,

A right time to plant and another to reap,

A right time to destroy and another to construct,

A right time to cry and another to laugh,

A right time to lament and another to cheer,

A right time to make love and another to abstain,

A right time to embrace and another to part,

A right time to search and another to count your losses,

A right time to hold on and another to let go,

A right time to rip out and another to mend,

A right time to shut up and another to speak up."

(Eclesiastes 3:2-8)

    Today I realized that every period of human development has its own normal features even if they seem weird for the others: you can't blame a hungry child for being noisy, a teenager for feeling misunderstood or an adult for being overly protective with his child. 

   Also, I understood that no matter how much you want to move forward when you're a kid or backwards when you're an adult, trying to live in the future or in the past is of no use. You won't understand adults when you're a teenager nor will you understand teenagers when you're an adult. So why try to be somewhere else than the present? You know what they say. Learn from the past and hope for the future. Re-living the past periods won't make you wiser. It will only confuse you. So let go and come back where you belong. There's a right time for everything.  

  

Day 253. Looking back

   Today I realized that sometimes facing or simply thinking about our past brings up sadness. 

   It's all about the unresolved issues with ourselves or with the others. That's why we often try to avoid the unsettling past and find distractions to direct us to the future. And it's only natural if you think that it wasn't always our fault that things ended the way they did. The worst part is when you know you can't do anything to make peace with that person and just move on being at peace with yourself. In this situation you don't have many options. 

   So even if all the ride home I was sad about some mistake I've done in the past, I now know that as much as I'd want to I can't do anything to undo it. Thus, I'm redirecting my attention towards the bright present and the bright future. Because in the end "it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are our friends -- they help us to grow."

Day 177. The good old past

   People always say that the past haunts you, that it's bad and that you have to stop thinking about it and move forward towards the future. But little do they know that the good old past can remind you who you really are and can help you find missing links when you have those moments wondering "Who am I and what am I doing here?" 

   Today I felt happy because I could catch up with my good old TV shows and I laughed my ass off with my favorite characters. I had forgotten how good those TV shows were. When you're caught up in the go-to-work-come-home circle you sometimes lack the time to enjoy your usual habits... and today I could do just that. And that's how I realized the present me can embrace the past me and enjoy life together. Because life isn't starting again every morning, it's a mere sequel of a lot of yesterdays:) And I like the choices I made yesterday. So here's to the good old past:)

Day 172. Happy coincidences

   Sometimes I'm really happy I can write my memories in here. There are some days which totally sweep you off your feet... those remarkable days that you'll want to remember. Today was one of them:)

   The morning rain was announcing a terrible day, but that was actually just the wrapping of the present. It scared me, but as the day passed and I opened my present I realized sometimes a beautiful thing can be wrapped in plain paper that turns you off. If you, however, have the patience to unwrap the present, the real beauty will come to light. 

   Out of nowhere my schedule cleared and a bright sun started to shine through the trees outside my office window. It was too good to be true:) I felt like reading in the park but I remembered the park wasn't green yet so I let that idea aside. By the time I decided to go home I found out my boyfriend had free time and he wanted to go walk in the park as well:) Sometimes things connect and you don't even have to move a finger. So this is how I ended up in the park with my loved one bathing in the warm sun and enjoying the life of a student... that careless life when you feel free to do anything you want and responsibility isn't written in your dictionary yet. I missed feeling like a student:) Working can limit you to behaving like an adult and forgetting to enjoy the little opportunities life gives you. But today I said "yes" and it felt sooo good:) 

   As I was putting the wrapping away I realized there was something else in the box. "Life of Pi". I knew it was supposed to be a good movie but for some reason I kept avoiding it. Until today. My whole family watched it. We laughed, we stared in amazement, we waited and then we sighed. It was one of those movies that exceed your expectations. Wow. Just wow. And here's the thing that impressed me the most:

"In the end the whole life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye."

   Today I was drunk with happiness, sunshine and freedom. I want to feel this again:) The feeling of youth makes you young again. And who doesn't want to be young?

Day 105. Sharing the joy

   Today I got an awesome present from my best friend and on the top of it I got the chance to decorate the Christmas tree with her!:D I felt so special! Carols were playing in the background, we were catching up and sharing the joy of this beautiful holiday that lays ahead of us: Christmas!:) Oh dear, I really enjoy it because, most of all, it brings people together and it makes them happy! 

    I wish we'd all remember that Jesus was born and how important that is for mankind but also enjoy being with our family and loved ones instead of just seeing it as a drag. We should enjoy things while we still have them and instead of missing them like crazy after they're gone...

Day 68. The best years

"The best years of our lives are the ones we didn't live yet."

   I read this quote today in the amazing book I'm reading on the bus (Call from an angel - Guillaume Musso) and it made me smile:) Many times we find ourselves longing for the past, wishing for it to come back to life thinking that it was definitely better than the present. We all know they say present is a gift and we should cherish it, but I never thought the best is yet to come:) 

   We've all had good years and those are the ones we daydream about when our rollercoaster is going down, but instead, we should close our eyes, breathe and tell ourselves the best is yet to come:) That's how we know the ride is going up again, that's what keeps us alive:)