Thursday, April 24, 2014

Turn it around


Dear diary,

   Do you remember how when we're little we desperately want to grow up and when we're grown ups we desperately want to go back to being children? Yeah, I'm there. In the second part of that phrase. I'm so tired of being stressed about everything since nothing really matters. It's all going to get lost in oblivion sooner or later anyhow so I have no idea why my brain wants to worry... to make everything so perfect. Maybe I didn't receive enough attention as a kid so I wanna gain it now through everything I do. Or my father is a perfectionist and he raised me to be the same... One of the two...
   I see kids around me every day, so joyful and full of energy, with no care in the world and all the love to give. They make me wish I was built differently. I wish I could just close my eyes and say "Fuck it, it's gonna be okay" from the first time when I feel worry walking around me like a sly fox. But unfortunately I swim in stormy waters before getting there cos that's what I do. 
   It's funny to see how being a psychologist doesn't heal the wounds. It just makes you be aware of them and have to live with them daily without being able to cure yourself really. 
   So I thought about this: when I'll have my own kids you bet I'll make their childhood and teenage period worth living so that there wouldn't be ONE single moment when they will say "I wish I would just grow up already". No you don't, kid, you really don't...

Pondering,
D.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Easter feast


   Dear diary,

   It's Easter time again, that time of the year when we're both sad and happy: sad remembering Jesus's great sacrifice for the whole humanity and happy because He won the battle over the evil when He has risen. Easter is also the time when I get to cook with my mom and bond over the little things, the same time when I get the chance to be creative again because a holiday like this also involves decorations:) 
   This year I've decided to go back to my Romanian roots and dye a part of the eggs the way my dear dear grandma used to: with cute leaves and natural onion dye. 


    But given that spring always brings a huge splash of color in my life, I felt inspired to dye some other eggs like this: 


   Add two or three more decorations and my room is invaded in a sea of eggs, green grass and bunnies:) Nothing new for Dana, huh? :)
   I should be preparing for my upcoming inspection but vacation makes me lazy and sometimes it's good to just lay back and chill. Deadline's not over yet, so there's still plenty of time to finish all my lesson plans. I'm following my inner instinct. And that instinct tells me to enjoy every day the best I can... in the end, it's not vacation all the year:)

Veeeery relaxed,
D.




Thursday, April 10, 2014

Birthday girl


   Dear future Dana,

   There's no place like home and there's no birthday like the one shared with your loved ones. 



   This year I felt like a mini Anthony Hopkins (I saw this video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LGVGekPSzo and I was soooo impressed by the fact that the whole audience was clapping while standing BEFORE the waltz was played. That moment I realized I want to reach that. I want to change the world in such a way that people notice.) I got soooo many beautiful messages and so many people made me feel special and important. I got meaningful gifts which made me cry happy tears. I understood I'm on a good path. Whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it right. I inspire people, I make them smile. And that's what I always wanted.



   So I guess I'm 26 now. No longer 18, no longer 20 or twenty something, it's 26 and I feel like a woman. One in full bloom... good, brave and wise... just like he told me 8 years ago. What I lack in work experience, I make up with passion and dedication. I am living the dream life. I read somewhere that 80% of the people hate their jobs. Wow, that's huge. I don't. I actually LOVE it. With ups and downs, good days and bad days, naughty kids or the most heart warming ones. I love it all. I am at the peak of my youth and I intend to live it all as well. 

Here's to an amazing 26th year! The adventure has just begun!
With joy and anticipation,
Wild as ever,
D.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Perfectly imperfect


Dear diary,

   Everything that happened around me lately helped me realize how imperfect we all are, how afraid we are to not meet expectations, worried about an uncertain grown up future, angry knowing we don't own everything we want, sad thinking everybody judges us. We're truly our own biggest enemies. We are the ones who stop ourselves from reaching daily happiness by allowing all the negative emotions make room in our mind. We're living in a constant fear, we love and grow dependent of the ones we love, forgetting that we have to love ourselves first in order to have a basic happy life. 
   Today I didn't wear any makeup while going to work and I still smiled. I inhaled the fresh air, watched the birds chirping, the sun rays reaching me through fresh green trees, colorful people walking to work and I smiled again saying "You know what? I'm beautiful just the way I am. And today I love myself." It was such an important start of a good day. I focused on watching happy people pass me by, I imagined their happy little lives and I told myself again the mantra of a wise friend I adopted last night: "I'm not happy all the day, but I'm happy every day." And so I shall. I will accept that I am perfect in my imperfection and I will allow myself to have good days and bad days, cooking experiments gone wild and tears now and then. Because it's all natural. But I will focus on the negative side less and less... and when the world seems too hard to bear, I'll call a friend and bear it together. Cos two is always better than one.

Sunny and proud,
D.