It is done

Dear diary,

   The emotions I feel right now are so strong that I felt I should tell you all about it. It is done. My family and some dear family friends helped us move all Oliver's and my stuff into my grandma's apartment. We worked a whole lot, it was a reaaaally long day but boy have we succeeded to do so many things! 

   My dad asked me earlier today when I started dreaming about this. I said it was at least 10 years ago. It's been so long since I wanted to have my own little place that I can call home. All my close friends got the chance to move out so I was really looking forward to my own experience. 

   I'm a really good planner. The man helping me transport my boxes said so himself. So I've been planning this for as long as my dad gave us the OK. I had a lot of pictures in my head of how I wanted my place to look like. All this inspired by tons of photos I saw on Pinterest and other interior decoration websites. So I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted vintage but classy, romantic but cute, comfy and really cozy. I was really happy when after so many hours of work, I saw that my dream came true today. I really have the best home I could ever have. The surroundings of the block of flats are so relaxing, and the place itself has so much meaning to me. I have a lot of good childhood memories here. And I will also never forget my grandma's eggplant salad. I loved it so much that it made me think: if people remember me for one single thing that I did absolutely wonderfully (like her eggplant salad) then my life would be all worth it. So, even if she was a very simple countryside girl, my grandma did so many good things in her life and educated my dad and me and my brother so well that... here I am today. She was definitely my dearest grandma ever and I am so lucky to have the chance of living in her old apartment. Not to mention the fact that I am 5 minutes away of my former highschool. The one I breathed for, the one I absolutely loved. I am a very sentimental person and when objects or places have a sentimental value, they are really dear to me. So this is why this little apartment is definitely the most wonderful home I could have. I'm crying as we speak, but know, dear diary, that these are tears of joy, of longing and of deep affection. Towards my grandma, my life and everything in it. 

   But there is another side to this story. The one that means that living on my own means living apart from my family. I know we're only 20 minutes away, but the emotional separation is stronger than the actual one. I've never ever lived away from them more than 2 weeks last year during summer camp. So tonight, when they went home I looked at them and started tearing up. I wanted to take a picture of them to remember this very intense moment but for some reason I didn't. I still remember their faces though. My dad was really tired after so much work but my mom was very happy for me. So happy and proud. I will still see them a lot from now on, because I'm a family girl and I can't stay away from them, but this is exactly why it felt so sad to say goodbye to living with them. 

   So now you know how I feel. I'm still crying, but they are still good tears. I'm living my dream and I wouldn't change ANYTHING about when and how things happened. The fact that I moved out now, 4 months after getting engaged to the most wonderful being on Earth, makes it more and more intense. 

   I am living my dreaaaaaaam!

Teary and happy,

D.

The warrior within

Dear diary,

   Each day I'm more and more surprised by my dreams. Especially by the Dana in them. So many things happen to her and she's like Lara Croft, Joan of Arc and Mrs. Smith all in one: a free spirit with a wild heart, so determined, fearless and powerful, always knowing what she has to do. Not that I'm not like that in real life (maybe at a cognitive level), but this woman in my dreams is playing a very complex game and every night she passes to the next level. 

   She's sometimes afraid of things she meets along the way but she never gives up. She keeps on going and going and she never gets tired. She encounters things I see every day, things I saw weeks or months ago or things I thought about, all jumbled up in a never ending maze. And when I wake up each morning I feel overwhelmed by the journey she's been through. 

   Few are the nights when I don't remember dreaming something. My dreams are ones of the most complex I have ever heard of. It's like I'm living a parallel life there. 

   So now I'm curious how other people's dreams look like. I've always been interested in the world of dreams and their meaning. 

Fascinated,

D.

Day 352. When you dream out loud

   I always dare to dream out loud. And I keep dreaming till I reach the stars, I grab one and I fulfill my dream.

   This last one didn't seem too big for me, even if all the people around me said I should let go of it. I knew I wanted to climb this mountain no matter what it took. It was difficult and it involved a lot of sweat and tears, mostly self inflicted, but here I am today, standing on its peak and enjoying the view. Today I fulfilled my dream. Even if the mountain is just metaphorical, the feeling is the same.

   I expected the road to be much longer because I know that clouds usually hide the peak of the mountain, but sometimes life gives you a chocolate from that well known box when you least expect. And boy did I enjoy that chocolate:) 

   I expected the arrival to be awkward because the vision of the destination is never the same with the actual experience, but again, I was surprised to see that I prepared well. I grew to love my road up there and it seemed like the road got used to me too. So in the end we were two old pals who were to meet at the top of the mountain:) The beautiful thing is that we can still go on together. Because this one was just the first peak in the many to be reached:) So let the journey continue!

Day 318. Bits and pieces

   We aren't completely our own. They have bits and pieces of us: our friends on Facebook, our best friends, our boyfriend, our parents and our siblings, that cute girl we want to be like, our co-workers or maybe even our neighbors. 

   Even if we believe that we are all unique human beings, we are actually very much alike and the ones around us influence our life in ways we don't even acknowledge. Think about it. Every step of the way we compare ourselves to them. And it's a natural process our brain got used to. 

   We take decisions that virtually involve people around us. Even if we don't consciously know it. We just do it. Every. Single. Day. The question is... do you follow your OWN dreams in all this process or do you live THEIR life and follow THEIR dreams because you're too afraid you're going to be judged? 

   Now you know. They have bits and pieces of you. Mostly because you allow it. And you'll allow it for the rest of your life without knowing. But will you give yourself completely to them or will you save some for yourself as well?:) Food for thought:)

Day 314. Utopia

   We all have those unreachable dreams. The utopias that just seem too far away for our present condition. But you know what? Believe in them and start acting accordingly! You never know when the time is right and poof! they come true:) 

   So dare to dream out loud! Take a leap of faith and start working. Big dreams involve baby steps and hard work but they are way better than no dreams at all:) And the result is always amazing!

   Today one of my biggest dreams came true:) I've carried it with me my whole life and it's been both a burden and a strong desire. And after all this, I can tell: if my utopia got real, yours can too:) Just remember that...

  

Day 281. Dream on

   As humans we all daydream. Some more than others. But one thing's for sure. We all want that thing we can't achieve unless an exterior factor comes in the equation. And when we expect less, we see our dream turn into reality. And then it all seems more than we can bear. Unreal and amazing. 

   Everything has its right time. I said it before. Just don't give up on your dreams. Keep them in a special drawer and take them out when opportunity arises. That's what I'm doing now:)

Day 169. Hope

   Hope is what keeps us going. Hope for a better world, a better future, a life just like we want it. Or maybe hope that everything is going to be OK in the end, even if we know there's still a long way full of surprises until we reach the final destination.

   I found out my time in the kindergarten I'm working now could be limited to... only 4 more months. Due to some bureaucratic stuff, I might have to choose a different workplace sometime in August and it might hurt cos I really thought I was going to stay longer and I also got attached to the place and the people. Still, there is the option of staying here if I get a high enough grade at the exam and choose this place again. So I end up hoping Someone up there will help me just like He did last year when every little detail helped me get here because it had to be this way. It was a miracle and I still believe in it. I believe in myself. And I hope. Never end up hoping:) And if the dream comes to an end, I will write new stories and I will try to save new lives wherever I am. In my own, little way.

Day 159. The bright side

   These days I've been having some awesome dreams, not the kind I usually do. These ones are like one long story, easy to understand and interpret. Nothing complicated or twisted, no fear involved, no one wanting to harm me. Actually I was a leader and I had to choose my teammates to achieve some purpose. I was assessing their skills in various ways and I found out they were all very smart and I was proud of that. Looking back, I'm not sure I dreamt all those or actually imagined it while being feverish and not being able to sleep. I'll never know. 

   Then, another strange thing that's been happening to me while feverish was that I saw things that weren't supposed to be there... shapes and shadows were forming human faces, some of them of people everybody knows. I've seen Bob Marley, how sick is that? This usually happened right before going to sleep, when my room was sinking in partial darkness and a whole series of shadows began to show up in front of my eyes. I was actually enjoying this, you know? I guess I was feeling high.

    But the thing is that after starting to take antibiotics, the fever dropped and the awesome dreams stopped and so did my other power no matter how much I tried to bring it back. The magic is gone now.

   So maybe there was a bright side in all this sad, sad story of me being sick again. Maybe fever was a good thing after all since it made me more creative. Who knew? 

Day 146. Mission accomplished

   I always felt the need to help those around me, heal the wounded or at least listen to their problems. I later on found out that's why I'm here, in this world. You know. God gives talents of many sorts and I felt this was going to be mine. Whenever I was able to make sad people happy again, I felt complete. 

   Ever since I wrote my thesis and then, after two more years, my dissertation paper, I wanted to implement the findings of my studies. I was and still am interested in parenting and the prevention of mental illnesses in children/teenagers and my dream that started in college was to make parents aware of the fact that they have to be REALLY careful how they behave with their kids, how and what they teach them in order to become psychologically adapted future adults:) Today I had the chance to do just that and I can't tell you how good it made me feel. 

    It was my first Parent-Teacher meeting:) I had previously introduced myself to all the parents in the kindergarten but that took just about 5 minutes. This time I had a whole hour for a useful talk about parenting. "Will they be interested?" "Will they take notice and change something in their life?" "Will it be useful?" I asked myself before the meeting... And the answer to all those is YES:) I don't know yet if all the parents felt the need to change something in their life because maybe they are awesome parents, but they all seemed interested and loved the meeting (or at least that's what I felt). I am so pleased that we had a friendly, cozy atmosphere that helped all the parents talk about their problems and share solutions that worked. It was just... terrific!:) And we'll do it again in one month!:) Yaaay!:) 

   So this is how my dream came true. And I'm not stopping here:) There are more parents out there who need to find out what being a parent actually involves:) Kids need to grow up happy and well prepared for the irrational beliefs they will face later on in life.