Weekly inspirations Week 1: Different yet the same

   We tell children people are different. Some are young, others are old, some are short and others tall, so on and so forth, but many times we forget an essential part: we all have the same needs.

   If our needs are met, we are happy. That's what I want to talk about today. No matter who we are, how poor or how rich, how young or how old, you have to admit we all want to be happy. This is what unites us and this is also the reason for most of our problems... because we think all people reach happiness exactly the same. Do they though?
   Human relationships involve work. A lot of it. The thing is that we feel hurt so easily that we abandon ship asap without taking some time to understand that sometimes people see the same problem from a different perspective. 

   How about acknowledging that happiness can mean something else for different people, start accepting that and allow the people around us be happy on their own terms? Why does a friend or a family member have to achieve happiness following our path? I know we love them and maybe we think we have the magical key for happiness... but that key works for our lock. How about letting them find their own key?
   Let's set peple free of our expectations and rules especially because we love them. They will reach happiness in their own way and they will love us even more for it. How beautiful does that sound? :) Happiness all around!

365 days project 2. Day 61. People are books

   They say “never judge a book by its cover”. Heeding that advice, we take the time to open it, read it, spend time in it, with its characters and its story, and more often than not, we are pleasantly surprised. However, a lot of times, we forget to apply the same rule to people. We judge them according to how they look, especially when we have no idea who they are. Why do we let ourselves label strangers without taking the time to know them, to listen to their stories and adventures?
   People are like books. A tattered old book can show you a world of wonders. So can a man in poor clothes, with tired eyes and downcast expression. All we need is to open the book and read. All we need is to open our hearts and listen to the human soul.
   We are all books - some open, some shut, but we all have a story written on our pages. Some stories are longer than others. Some are psychological monologues, others are children books or adventure books, and yet some others are dramatic, full of pain, sorrow and a sad ending. 

   What's your book about? Is it a happy book or a sad book? You're the author and you can write your own destiny. The past can't be unwritten but the future holds a million posibilities.

365 days project 2. Day 53. Random messages

   In yesterday's post I pledged that books can bring happiness but today the Universe chose to show me another way to reach it: random messages received from people surrounding you. They're like receiving flowers even if it's not your birthday or a special occasion: unexpected and definitely welcome!

  The day was really, really dark and gloomy and I barely dragged myself out of the bed in the morning. One of those days when all you want is to stay in bed and sleep till the day is over. I won't bore you with details. You probably had the same type of day. But when a friend sends you a very nice message and hugs to help make the day better, the whole perspective changes. 

   It's so interesting how small gestures like that lift our spirit so easily! We all want to be important and when someone thinks about us, a little light bulb lights up and sheds light on an otherwise dark day... 

   So we love receiving random messages that make us feel important. Let's pay it forward and make someone's day happy too! :) Spread the love!

365 days project 2. Day 51. Wild animals

   I usually see humanity in a romantic way: focusing on its good side, on what restores our faith in it, on the selflessness and help given to others. Therefore I tend to forget there is also a negative side of it: the hate, the fight for resources, the selfishness, the wish for power no matter the cost, the purpose achieved no matter the means. 

   Yesterday I went to the "Swan Lake" ballet show organized in for free in open air in the Central Park by the City Hall and the National Opera. It was supposed to be one of those amazing moments when you just gaze in awe at the stage and you are thanking the heavens you are alive to witness such beauty and grace. Instead, people were fighting for seats and standing in front of seated people just because they would view the show better from there, not caring there were dozens of people behind them. It was literally a battle of the fittest right there, a battle for resources. 

   I was one of the people seated behind the standing ones. I tried to be reasonable and polite, to explain the matter in a nice way, but the people wouldn't care and didn't want to move an inch so that the ones behind could get a glimpse of what was happening on the stage. Needless to say, I didn't enjoy the show at all. I felt frustrated, upset and disappointed the whole hour and a half when we stayed there. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. Then I found the explanation: whenever something's for free, people turn into wild animals fighting for power and resources.
   Therefore, lesson learnt: I'll just go to the Opera or the Theatre and watch ballet shows or theatre plays there. This way I make sure I find the good people there instead of the wild animals. I don't know about you, but I'd rather stay as far away from the "savannah" as possible...

365 days project 2. Day 37. Decisions, decisions

   Life is formed of a series of decisions. Along the years, people will try to influence you one way or another. And at some points it will be so much easier to just ask others to choose for you when you have no idea what to pick. But will you be able to live with THEIR decision? What if you hate the outcome? What if it's disappointing? What if it doesn't make you happy no matter how hard you try? 

   You have to make decisions every day. So take them yourself. You always have the answer inside. Just that sometimes you have to dig deeper to find it. 

   I love making decisions that are food related. And adding new ingredients to a dish that I found online. Sometimes I have a feeling the outcome won't be as pleasing as it looks like, but other times I am pleasantly surprised. Today was one of those days. This stuffed pasta with chicken, broccoli and Alfredo sauce (plus garlic and leek - own version) is SO delicious I have to say I am proud of the result. 

   It's good that we have to make decisions every day. It means we have options. And options are amazing no matter how hard taking a decision feels like :) Do you feel the same?

365 days project 2. Day 33. People and apples

   I could start with "This was my big, fat, Romanian-Canadian wedding" but instead I choose to start like this:

   People are so colourful and they have so many shapes... still same needs, same habits, same lifestyles. I love watching people. Especially when I am waiting for a bus or when I am sitting on a terrace in a new town.

   I think people are like apples: some are unripe, others are ripe and others are rotten. But it is up to us to take the rotten apples out of our basket and surround ourselves with the best  apples. So choose to surround yourself with awesome people, happy people, people who make you want to grow and then you will have a long, happy and healthy life! Sure, there will be some of "those days" when everything will seem off and you will think you hate people and you would want to move to Mars so you could be all by yourself. Accept those days will happen and just let them pass by and look on the bright side of your life. It might sound very difficult but remember: it is up to you to take the rotten apples out of your basket. This doesn't mean you have to be rude or judge them. Just let them be and avoid them as much as you can. 

   Our wedding was the most amazing wedding I could ever imagine for myself! And it happened like this because of the amazing apples we had in our basket... all the best people in our life, everyone who came from hundreds or thousands of kilometers away because they WANTED to be there. And this is what made it so special. Not only did we choose them but they also chose us. And it was perfect.
   The last month before the wedding was hectic but also very successful. The whole process we had to go through to get married brought a lot of tears to my eyes over the past months but the fact we succeeded to register to get married was also the reason why I was so utterly happy and relaxed on the wedding day. Yes, you have to Work Hard to get married and to have a dreamy wedding but it is all worth it when you see your dream accomplished and people having the time of their lives at the wedding. I had high expectations of myself. People had high expectations of me and of this wedding and I felt that it lived up to all the expectations. I didn't do it all alone. I had the best helpers I could ask for. All the right apples. And this is how you turn your dream to reality :)

   I told you. I love people watching. And I choose to see the ripe apples, the beautiful ones. The rest don't matter to me. Do you want to do the same?

Pride and prejudice

Dear diary,

   Every day I discover genuine acts of kindness around me, so little and yet so inspiring. And the most amazing thing is that they all come from the most unexpected people ever, the subjects of criticisms and prejudice.
   I want to be above that. I want to stop generalizing that a certain type of people are bad or not trustworthy, I want to stop feeling Fear, Guilt or Anger. I want to be a better person and not just say it, but act upon it and leave out all the negative thinking involving other people. Because, in the end, the rules from kindergarten apply to the rules of the society we live in: we all need to accept each other just the way we are (unless we're harming each other) and stop thinking we should change because we're grown ups and we're all the product of our upbringing... The written sequels of our parents' tales. Ones that can't be unwritten. So why keep trying to find the perfect rubber when we could just watch the tales in a different light and take the good things out of them?
   I'm still fixated on our brain being prone to negativity. I want to keep fighting to stay positive and take the beautiful energy out of this huge library of tales. Transform the "Pride and Prejudice" into "Love and Understanding" so that I could be happy every single day. It's so easy to be happy. And it's so easy to be good, kind and loving, too :)

Smiling wide,

D.

My little bubble

Dear diary,

   I had that aha moment again. So I remembered I HAVE to write to you. You know how every day we see dozens of new faces (or maybe old faces we don't remember) and we still focus on our little bubble full with desires, needs and emotions and we forget all about the presence of others? It's funny how one random day you just "wake up" realizing you're Not alone in the world and that you're actually Always surrounded by people but somehow, you can't explain how, you're so caught up in your own web that you feel you're living on your own planet. And that day, when you wake up and you look around you see thousands of other webs that interconnect with yours. And when you lift your eyes you see other eyes just as confused as yours. Hmm... so many people, so many life stories, so many webs:) 

   I remember that once, when I was younger I wished I had the power to just look a person in the eyes and know their entire life. But now I know that would be a too heavy burden to bear. Maybe our brain is focused on our own life because it has to preserve it and it knows how to. What good would it do if we constantly noticed the others and we compared ourselves to them? We do that anyhow, but just paying too much attention would be destructive, I think, especially since we probably won't see that person again. 

   So in the end, ignorance truly is bliss. But that doesn't mean we should walk watching our shoes. There's a whole world outside the bubble and maybe one day we'll want to "wake up" and realize there are people out there whose webs can influence us for the better... and we can focus on them. 

   The world beyond our little bubble is a wonderful place and we should never cease to be amazed. 

Awake,

D.

I want you to know

   On this sunny October day I want you to know that life is never perfect, but it's always beautiful.

   That it goes on no matter how hard the journey might seem. You'll need your friends to ease that up, but you can make it.

    That you always have options. Even when you think you don't.

   That people don't change, their needs do. And sometimes there's nothing you can do to make them happy anymore. But that only means your job there is done and you have to go somewhere else and make other people happy.

   That when you're sure something will happen, life takes you by surprise and you have to move on with it... or you'll be left behind. 

   That things never last for a lifetime but they can be fixed. Or replaced.

   That people want you to listen and you want them to listen as well. Do that by taking turns or you'll end up in a mess you created yourself.

   That great effort is always rewarded. If not by others at least by yourself. You'll feel awesome!

   That you'll want your days to be longer but they'll always seem too short. Pick whatever will help you say "What an awesome day!" when you go to sleep.

   That you won't understand everything that happens to you. But you don't have to. Accept everything that comes in your life. There will be times when you'll be frustrated, but remember, there's a lesson for you at every corner.

    That you can always find a reason to be grateful. You just have to close your eyes and think.

   That there are hundreds or thousands of books written exactly for you that are waiting to be discovered. Look for them and they'll reveal themselves to you.

   That lost time doesn't come back so think about leaving something behind. Memories, photos, diaries. Record your life somewhere. You'll be thankful to rediscover it in some years.

   That money don't bring happiness. It's all in your head. You can craft or recycle instead of buying. Just use your imagination.

   That people need to be reminded how important they are to you. So let them know. 

   That if you want something, want it badly and it will come true. Be careful what you wish for, though. 

   That fear, guilt and anger will only bring bad consequences. Be at peace with yourself and with others. 

    That life is worth being explored, enjoyed, lived to the fullest. So do it! Do it now!:)

Day 363. Farewell

   Last year I had to work in two kindergartens. There was the main one - big and cheerful with lots of loving kids- and the other one - small and cosy, with friendly people and cute kids. A part of me died today when I found out I won't be working in the second kindergarten this year. And then I immediately thought of this saying I read in a book:

   Yep, I didn't see this coming:( And I don't understand why I shouldn't feel comfortable in a place I feel like home... I know, my dad taught me there always has to be a cracked door somewhere so I could get out safe and sound every time. It was about romantic relationships, but this applies here as well... 

   I'm hurt because I got to care about those people and I know they care about me too. We got along awesomely. It was that kind of relationship when you understand each other from a glance:) The kids were so adorable that right now I'm happy I was inspired enough to take photos of and with them during the past year. The teachers were friendly, helping and warm. Beautiful people, beautiful place. "Ladybug kindergarten", you will be missed!

Day 355. Forever ago

   Today I accidentally plunged in my past and I noticed it didn't hurt so I decided to swim deeper and deeper. It made me realize how much I miss a dear friend I lost contact with, how much things have changed around during the past 5 years and I ended up asking myself if I had changed as well. 

   So I called my best friend over to take a look at our life then (during high school teenage years when we were desk mates) and now (when we're already employed emerging adults). It was kinda difficult for me to remember past experiences so way back because once I closed that book and forgot it on a shelf in the attic I only remembered closer experiences from university. So I had to go back to the attic and dig for the lost book. Then I started comparing. Then and Now. Now and Then. 

   You'd say the result is expected. Kinda like textbook development. I still like the same general things, just that now I know exactly which ones and how I like them to be. Take psychology for example. Back in high school I started being interested in the field and I knew I wanted to become a psychologist because I loved listening to people. Now I am practicing it but I'm a school psychologist not a clinical therapist because I realized I love kids more than anything and that therapy is way more complicated than it seemed back then:) 

   You could say my search has been refined and now not only than I know exactly who I am and what I'm looking for, but I'm also in a stable relationship for 4 years. So THEN was all about exploring options and NOW is all about a single road I chose to follow. I love photography, writing, English and people. That's who I am and that's who I'm always gonna be:) I didn't change, I just evolved. I got out of my cocoon and now I'm flying around as a beautiful butterfly:) 

Day 334. The odd one out

  We all want to fit in, be accepted and appreciated by the people we like or admire. Some will just be themselves and hope that will work out fine while others will feel like they have to change some tiny parts of them to make sure they do fit in. If they get to do that, at some point when they look in the mirror they will be facing a stranger, a person way too different than they are. It sounds cliché, but it happens every day. Mostly, to people who have self esteem issues. 

   It's hard to stay true to yourself and know that you might not fit in a group you like. Being social "animals", we want to be surrounded by people and not just any kind, but awesome ones. The kind of people who make us feel awesome as well. And there's where our mistake is. We try to be awesome with the wrong group. Why wrong? Because we have to try to make ourselves liked. 

   So my lesson for today is: first love yourself and the right people will love you too. Don't push it and don't try to be somebody you're not only to please others around you. Stay true to yourself and learn how to assertively tell the others that you're different. I know, common interests connect people, but just because you don't like the exact same music as somebody else, doesn't mean you can't still have common interests:) Be you and never be ashamed to stand for yourself: "No, dude, I don't drink vodka or tequila. I don't listen to death metal and I don't smoke. But I did love that psychological movie you were talking about and I drink beer. How about that?" 

Day 323. Different yet so alike

   People are funny when it comes to studying for an exam. Nobody likes to study but we all find something to make us do it after all.

   Some start early because they want to make sure they make it to the deadline and they're very organized when it comes to setting goals and achieving them. They're the ones who, somehow, find something to like in everything they study and so they're usually the bullied ones. The ones who spend their days studying their heads off and end up saying "why am I the only one studying?" However, after the exam, we all know they take the highest grades. And believe me, sometimes grades do make a difference in our life.

   Others start at some random point when they feel it's the right time or maybe when they are reminded they have an upcoming exam. They're not really driven to study, but they do it anyway because afterwards they'll get some sort of reward. These are the majority of the people. If they were in the right spot (school, university, work place of their choice) they'd like what they would be doing so they'd study early. Nevertheless, it's a good thing they find something to keep them going.

   The last category starts studying a couple of days before the actual exam when they realize they can't procrastinate anymore. They say they don't want to forget what they just studied but we all know that's a lie. They are the ones who start studying only because they know they have to. They hate it and so they try to cram it up and hope to God they'll be given one of the two subjects they took a glimpse at. Sometimes they're lucky, other times they're not.

   The thing is that right before the exam we all magically remember we don't like studying and therefore only two options will be available for everybody: we either feel like we don't know anything or we don't care anymore and we just want it to be over so we could start enjoying our life again.

   I know, I shouldn't complain since I love what I'm doing and I sometimes enjoy what I'm reading for the exam, but you know, we all get there. To the point where we say "No more!" And that's when people who have studied for 2 months take a break and do whatever they want because they can afford it and then they face the exam knowing they'll handle it no matter what. I know. It's gonna be ok. So tomorrow I'm taking a break:) 

Day 317. Heavenly gifts

   Today was going to be one of those perfect days. I just had that feeling again. 

   I slept as much as I needed (a rare thing these days) and that made me very happy. Then my family and I went for a terrific picnic with a lot of people. Some we knew and some we didn't. But simply being surrounded by them was awesome. Listening to their stories and sharing mine with them. I love this kind of experiences and I actually missed meeting new people:)

   You'd think it's already a pretty awesome day but it doesn't end like this. By a combination of fate and chance my best friend and I went to the mall and discovered something that would make me "the happiest she'd ever seen me" like she said:) The perfect jewels I've waited for my whole life. They just came to me. And I accepted them in my life like a lost part of me that I just found. I told the lady selling them how much I've looked for something like that and how happy they make me feel. As we parted I could tell she was genuinely happy for me. And I discovered she even offered me an extra pair of earrings. I just love bonding with people:)

   I don't know if this happens to you too. If you just feel something awesome is going to happen every now and then... but I do. And I end up loving every single one of those special days:) How could I not? They're heavenly gifts:)

Day 315. Lonely or alone

   I'm confused. Did you ever experience being a while alone with yourself and feel like missing some people that are usually around you and when you do meet them again remember how much you loved being alone?:) It happened to me today. 

   Do we get used to the people in our life like we do with objects? Do we need their presence because we're used to having them around or because we want them around? Hmmm... and what do you do when you realize you don't really like being around some people in your life? You just leave them? "Goodbye, we've known each other for so long, but I'm leaving now"? What if they're family? Hmmm? You move out instantly? ... See? I'm confused... I guess missing them in the first place means you care about them so you don't give up on a friendship or family just like that. Yeah, we don't like everything about our friends or family, but we do have to accept them as they are and remember that we should...

   So I guess I should chill and take it as a normal phase of our existence:) Yep, that's what I'm gonna do:)

Day 311. Listen up

   People are social beings and they communicate through speech and body language. We all know that. The bug is that many times we don't know HOW to share our ideas and we end up messing up our relationships with our friends and family because we want them to understand us but we fail to remember that we have to understand them too. How many times did that happen to you?

   The key to few conflicts is being assertive. And that involves telling people what you feel without hurting them in any way. How to do that? Describe the behavior that bothers you, say how you feel and mention the effect of that behavior on you. Don't just put it on them. Don't judge or criticize them. Try to understand them too and start listening more. Listen to their needs and tell them your needs in an assertive way. Work together on keeping the good vibe:) 

   Be the one to start behaving differently and then notice the change that occurs around you. Stay assertive. And don't forget: 

Day 303. Bonding

   I'm a people person. I easily become friends with children, teenagers, adults, elders, animals, plants aaand insects. It comes easily to me because I like spreading love and learning things about the others:) 

   I'm usually a happy person. Yeah, I worry a lot and I tend to suffer very easily. But it's only because I involve with all I am. I don't know differently. But I know that everything happens for a reason as much as I know that meeting this beautiful, particular butterfly was fate. 

   And I learned that bonding makes me happy, that when you give you receive much more than you have given:) So, happy giving:)

Day 300. Relax, take it easy

   I donno about you, but I love it when I know there's nothing in my schedule for the day and I can do whatever floats my boat without having to work or be somewhere. Well, whenever something unplanned comes up in a previously free day, I become a little storm in a glass. That is, when I have to do something work related and I must depend on people... like today. 
   It's like my brain is eagerly waiting for a proper moment to be stressed about something and it gets in turbo mode every time that moment happens, saying something like "omg, omg, omg, let's solve this asap so you can go back to doing nothing again". I guess it's right, but the feeling it gives me is totally wrong. 

   So, after stressing out at first, I tried to take it step by step. I solved my part of the deal and then told myself I should chill until the others do their own:) Although at first I felt like the day has passed me by and I did nothing at all the whole day, after I started relaxing I realized I still had time to study for the exam and read a good book. 

   So my lesson for today is: 

"The shortest way to do many things is to do 

only one thing at a time."   

                                                           - Mozart

Day 274. The wrong people

   Sometimes we give things to the wrong people and it all turns out to be a mess. Because they don't appreciate them and our efforts are in vain. And then we suffer.

   I'm not talking about friends. Friends know how to take things, they know the message beyond the gesture, I'm talking about newbies. People you barely know and you want to bond with. People you grow to care about. 
   Maybe that's our mistake. We don't analyse people before we give. Be it trust, a gift or a secret. 

   So open your eyes and think ahead. It's that simple.

   

Day 236. Different

   Today I reflected upon the fact that arguments start because different people have different needs and they understand life differently. They have different expectations, a different life experience, different settings where they grew up. Many things seem to be different, huh? That's why we surround ourselves with friends. They are the only ones who are LIKE us. The ones we won't argue with because they seem to understand us. That's why arguments between friends end faster and better than the ones between co-workers.

   The fact that my mom has different needs than I do at my age makes it hard for her to understand me sometimes. I try to explain to her how I see life at 25 but I can tell she doesn't grasp the essence of it because at her age she's married, with a household to look after and everything looks different at 50. You're not interested in looking for a partner anymore, settling down or building a career. You do get wiser so that's why trivial things like buying new earrings once every two months seems useless, but the real challenge is exactly this: How can we get to be 50 and still understand our kids and their different needs than the ones we grew up with? How can we stop judging them for wanting an Ipad when we grew up without even a computer? Hmmm...