365 days project 2: Day 15. One year

   Today it's exactly one year since Oliver and I moved in together and my feelings are 180 degrees opposite from what they were 365 days ago. 

   I was crying after my parents left. I realized I will no longer live with them, under the same roof, ever again. So even if we had phones and skype and visits, it would never be the same. I wanted this move for at least 10 years and when I finally got it I realized what it actually meant and tears formed in my eyes. Sure, we've been through highs and lows with my parents but they were always my best friends and this time I was completely on my own. Ok, maybe sharing everything with Oliver, but they weren't there to help me with absolutely everything. I wasn't afraid that I didn't know how to cook (God knows I love doing that even though years ago I saw cooking as a MUST not as a passion), or that I didn't know how to wash clothes, dishes and clean my home (my parents taught me that plenty of times) or not even that I don't know how to fix things because I knew the internet had the answers to anything and my dad was just a phone call away. I was ready to fly away from the parental nest, but the emotional side of it has never occured to me until I actually saw myself closing the door behind my parents. It hurt. But it was bittersweet, you know? Because I knew my life was just beginning and I was VERY excited to finally live it according to my own rules, without any sort of boundaries or curfews.

   And so it was. I had this apartment in front of me, this little part of Cluj that reminded me so much of my buni and my childhood years, all my giggles and games I played with my brother, and these memories gave me more enthusiasm to really make this place mine... ours. Since I always loved interior design and I had a file in my computer full of photos for inspiration for my own home I started putting into practice all those ideas I always loved. I handcrafted some decorations, I put an artistic touch all around the apartment and I realized I really loved seeing butterflies and owls everywhere and that's how the apartment became known as the Butterfly Home or rather The Owl Residence. I now have a lot of butterflies and all shapes of owls (including a candle) around and many, many candles in the big room. I can truly say that this year has helped me decorate my dream home, that place that makes me feel relaxed and in my own element every time I step inside. A vase with fresh flowers always by the entrance, the fluffy pillows on the sofa, the Klimt painting on the wall and lately the leafy curtain are everything I need to feel at HOME. Ah, home, what an amazing feeling!

   Oli and I were the best team starting day 1. We have always worked very well together and we are very good at planning dishes, parties, cleaning and washing and whatnot. We see each other mainly in the evenings and during weekends, but that's the normal standard nowadays anyway so we compensate by random love messages throughout the day. This way we keep the love and passion alive. Love, such a humble yet amazing feeling! I don't think I could have lived away from Oliver for much longer and this move has definitely turned us into husband and wife even before the actual wedding. One year later and we're still a great team, we love each other more and more (and I'm not just saying it because it sounds good, I swear!) and I'm more sure than ever that this move has been the best decision yet. I am definitely the happiest woman alive! 

 

It is done

Dear diary,

   The emotions I feel right now are so strong that I felt I should tell you all about it. It is done. My family and some dear family friends helped us move all Oliver's and my stuff into my grandma's apartment. We worked a whole lot, it was a reaaaally long day but boy have we succeeded to do so many things! 

   My dad asked me earlier today when I started dreaming about this. I said it was at least 10 years ago. It's been so long since I wanted to have my own little place that I can call home. All my close friends got the chance to move out so I was really looking forward to my own experience. 

   I'm a really good planner. The man helping me transport my boxes said so himself. So I've been planning this for as long as my dad gave us the OK. I had a lot of pictures in my head of how I wanted my place to look like. All this inspired by tons of photos I saw on Pinterest and other interior decoration websites. So I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted vintage but classy, romantic but cute, comfy and really cozy. I was really happy when after so many hours of work, I saw that my dream came true today. I really have the best home I could ever have. The surroundings of the block of flats are so relaxing, and the place itself has so much meaning to me. I have a lot of good childhood memories here. And I will also never forget my grandma's eggplant salad. I loved it so much that it made me think: if people remember me for one single thing that I did absolutely wonderfully (like her eggplant salad) then my life would be all worth it. So, even if she was a very simple countryside girl, my grandma did so many good things in her life and educated my dad and me and my brother so well that... here I am today. She was definitely my dearest grandma ever and I am so lucky to have the chance of living in her old apartment. Not to mention the fact that I am 5 minutes away of my former highschool. The one I breathed for, the one I absolutely loved. I am a very sentimental person and when objects or places have a sentimental value, they are really dear to me. So this is why this little apartment is definitely the most wonderful home I could have. I'm crying as we speak, but know, dear diary, that these are tears of joy, of longing and of deep affection. Towards my grandma, my life and everything in it. 

   But there is another side to this story. The one that means that living on my own means living apart from my family. I know we're only 20 minutes away, but the emotional separation is stronger than the actual one. I've never ever lived away from them more than 2 weeks last year during summer camp. So tonight, when they went home I looked at them and started tearing up. I wanted to take a picture of them to remember this very intense moment but for some reason I didn't. I still remember their faces though. My dad was really tired after so much work but my mom was very happy for me. So happy and proud. I will still see them a lot from now on, because I'm a family girl and I can't stay away from them, but this is exactly why it felt so sad to say goodbye to living with them. 

   So now you know how I feel. I'm still crying, but they are still good tears. I'm living my dream and I wouldn't change ANYTHING about when and how things happened. The fact that I moved out now, 4 months after getting engaged to the most wonderful being on Earth, makes it more and more intense. 

   I am living my dreaaaaaaam!

Teary and happy,

D.

Day 363. Farewell

   Last year I had to work in two kindergartens. There was the main one - big and cheerful with lots of loving kids- and the other one - small and cosy, with friendly people and cute kids. A part of me died today when I found out I won't be working in the second kindergarten this year. And then I immediately thought of this saying I read in a book:

   Yep, I didn't see this coming:( And I don't understand why I shouldn't feel comfortable in a place I feel like home... I know, my dad taught me there always has to be a cracked door somewhere so I could get out safe and sound every time. It was about romantic relationships, but this applies here as well... 

   I'm hurt because I got to care about those people and I know they care about me too. We got along awesomely. It was that kind of relationship when you understand each other from a glance:) The kids were so adorable that right now I'm happy I was inspired enough to take photos of and with them during the past year. The teachers were friendly, helping and warm. Beautiful people, beautiful place. "Ladybug kindergarten", you will be missed!

Day 338. Beautiful people, beautiful places

   I love visiting cities. I always did. But today I rediscovered how awesome the countryside life is:) 

   It was one of those special days when you meet beautiful people and beautiful places that fill you up with joy. I felt peace. That kind of peace that makes you say "This right here is perfect. Thank you, God! I love my life.":) 

   Away from all the technology we're surrounded by every day, I understood why everybody wants to leave the city at some point. I found bits and pieces that I didn't see back in the city. That smile all the people have there, their kindness and their generosity, their happiness when talking about life and their optimism coming from doing what they love. They don't need the city and all it involves. They're already happy:) I truly admire them.

    I felt at home. Even more, I felt in heaven:) I feel so blessed to be able to live all these things and write about them. I'm sure difficult times will come too but then I will look back to all of these and I will remember what I need to be happy: a place like Sibiel:)

Day 306. Rush, rush, rush

   I always tell myself I hate rushing. And even so, I don't know why but I keep doing it. Rush in to get dressed, catch the bus, get somewhere. Every.single.time. Today I ran after two buses. It was awful and I told myself I should stop doing it. What's the worst that could happen? Take the next bus? 

   Why are we rushing in life? Why do we want things asap? Why can't we just be relaxed about everything and know that in the end we will get where we want anyhow? It would spare us of so much energy loss. 

   In my case I'm thinking that I want to get home sooner or that someone might be waiting for me and they might get cranky if I don't make it on time, but I just have to accept that I will eventually get home anyway and if I happen to be late, true friends understand that missing a bus isn't the end of the world:) 

   So let's cut the rushing. It's not good for us. Sooner or later we need to start prioritizing and stop thinking that we HAVE to do something asap and replace that with "we'd like to do it, but if it doesn't happen, it's still ok." And just chillax. God, how much I want that. So I'm going to start doing it in 3... 2... 1...

Day 271. Upside down

   It's been almost 3 weeks since my life is upside down. And the funny part is that I love it!

   I've said it before, I'm saying it now too: When you start working, your whole life changes. You marry your workplace and you start living together. At first everything seems very exciting and you're curious to discover how this or that works, but after some months everything becomes a routine. You just go to work and then you just come home. Many times you won't even have time to do something else during the day. So in the end, even if you like what you do, you get frustrated. And bored. Just like being in a very long lasting relationship that you drag with you only because you're afraid of being single. When this occurs, you need "a thrill". Something to make you feel alive again, like a teenager, like a student you used to be only a year ago. Something to keep you forever young. 

   I discovered this is one of my biggest issues. I am only 25 but I am already afraid of aging. I can't imagine myself at the age of 30, 35 or 40. It feels so scary only thinking about it: being surrounded by lots of youngsters who have some growing up to do and then you, standing still and knowing you can't transform anymore... the only difference being that you're getting uglier and less healthy. But I know this is not a good way of thinking and I remember what a wise teacher once told us: "Your purpose in life should be to age beautifully. Only that way you get to be wise at the end of your life." 

   So I am dismissing the bad thoughts and I am focusing on accepting my age and the experience and benefits that come with it. And since I found the "thrill" that turned my life upside down, I'm enjoying it every single day. My days are now brighter and happier. Only now did I realize how much I needed it. How much I needed feeling young again and how awesome the feeling really is:)

Day 69. Home is where...

   ... your heart is:) We all know this saying. Today I thought about how important it is to be surrounded by your loved one, your family and your friends... that money, no matter how much it is, it will never make you as happy as being surrounded by love. 

   So, I choose love over money and this is my life quote:

"Nu bogăţia, ci liniştea colibei tale te face fericit." (Moara cu noroc - Ioan Slavici)

"It's not wealth but peace within your house that makes you happy." (Moara cu noroc - Ioan Slavici)

Day 38. Cinnamon Sunday

   Cloudy Sunday today, so we don't have many options. I choose to stay indoors, enjoy my favourite cappucino and catch up with my TV Shows. In the end, I think every kind of weather has its purpose. 

   I'm not in my best mood today (since I love seeing the sun), but at least I get to stay in my cozy room, covered with a warm blanket and immerse in the lands of my favourite characters. And that makes it a good day as well:)