Looking back to 2014

Dear diary,

   2014 was one of the most beautiful years of my life, definitely the peak of my journey until now.
   At the beginning of it, I said:

   "I don't know about others, but I always tried to be the best person in the world and I often failed. And then guess what happened. I felt guilty. And responsible. Well this year, I'm done with being extra cautious. This year I'm learning from my past mistakes but I'm also thinking about me instead of putting the others first every single time. I'm going to buy what I feel like buying, spend time how I feel like and do whatever feels right. Out with the guilt, in with the inner peace."

   Unlike other years, in 2014 I did what I planned, but like any other year, it had its ups and downs. It was difficult precisely because a change doesn't come all of a sudden, and when you're used to always think about others thinking about YOURSELF feels selfish. I took an extreme decision, a life changing one that I never thought I would have to take. It was difficult, but I knew I had to do it. And after I did it I knew I had to go straight ahead and never look back. Of course that's kind of impossible. And here's where the guilt came in. I looked back and I felt bad for leaving broken stuff behind, but somehow I understood that this was MY journey and I kept going and going and going. And this is how I found Wonderland. The land of lifelong dreams coming true, the land of thousands of new experiences, of not only "beginning to bloom" but being in full bloom. 

   2014 was definitely the year when I knew for sure I became a woman. 

   One that knows what she wants and fights for it without regrets. One that not only thinks about others, but who considers her long term happiness too. One that keeps her inner child nourished and who protects it against anybody who thinks you're immature if you're childlike. This past year I surprised myself and the others. I went the extra mile. But I kept being the happy-go-lucky kind of girl everybody knows. 

   I was blessed to meet the love of my life. The one who completes me perfectly. The male improved version of me. He's my role model, my best friend, my rock, my reason to smile and dream and love, my fairy tale, my everything. It seems improbable that a love story like ours would happen. But I know for sure, we both know, that we're made for each other.

... and that's why we got engaged. When you find the One, you just feel it. So you don't need a lot of time to discover each other. You just know :)

   With my fiancé came a whole new world that I discovered step by step in 2014. The world of cooking as a passion, of opening a restaurant, of meeting a lot of wonderful people and trying out a multitude of new dishes (like I always wanted). Everything was so new to me and yet, so exciting.

   I was a camp teacher for the first time in my life during summer camp and I absolutely LOVED it!!! Will do it again this year. It was such an intense and emotional experience for me. I'll never ever forget it :)

    I had my first big exam teachers have and I passed it. Yay!

   I traveled around the country and to France and Switzerland for the first time. It was enriching, empowering, breathtaking. I also flew for the first time.

   I read more than I planned to. And I love that. I want to keep discovering amazing authors, to fall in love with new books.

   I overcame my fear related to Quilling and I started it as a new hobby. I now love to quill a birthday card or a special event card for my friends and family.

   I made 9 Advent calendars. More than last year. It was hard, but I loved every step.

   I went caroling with my family again after a lot of years.

   ... and I had the Christmas tree of my dreams. Again.

I spent New Year's Eve in a wonderful rush at Off the Wall. 

2014... I LOVED IT ALL!

In 2015 I want to be right here, right now and enjoy the journey that goes on.

With love and excitement,

D.

Life within books

   Dear diary,

   Life within the books I read usually seems so simple, so easy to understand and follow. Characters are confused and they feel down, but we already know the solution. When they are making a mistake we shout at them telling them what to do but they can't hear us.

   Thing is, books make us omniscient gods who know it all. Rather than that, real life is full of blanks we need to fill in like in those scary English classes. Who knew I'd end up loving filling in those blanks for others? Maybe one day I'll end up loving filling in my own. 

   Books help. They truly do. It's free therapy every time I feel bored, down or lonely. But they won't solve my puzzles. I have to. And 2014 is the biggest of them all. I decided to let the dice roll, let life unfold itself and go with the flow. 

   I'll keep on reading this year's book and underline my favorite quotes. Sure, there will be passages that will make me cry, there always are, but I already know there's going to be a kick ass ending... cos I  love fairytales and this is MY own book I'm reading!

Forever a reader,

D.

I want you to know

   On this sunny October day I want you to know that life is never perfect, but it's always beautiful.

   That it goes on no matter how hard the journey might seem. You'll need your friends to ease that up, but you can make it.

    That you always have options. Even when you think you don't.

   That people don't change, their needs do. And sometimes there's nothing you can do to make them happy anymore. But that only means your job there is done and you have to go somewhere else and make other people happy.

   That when you're sure something will happen, life takes you by surprise and you have to move on with it... or you'll be left behind. 

   That things never last for a lifetime but they can be fixed. Or replaced.

   That people want you to listen and you want them to listen as well. Do that by taking turns or you'll end up in a mess you created yourself.

   That great effort is always rewarded. If not by others at least by yourself. You'll feel awesome!

   That you'll want your days to be longer but they'll always seem too short. Pick whatever will help you say "What an awesome day!" when you go to sleep.

   That you won't understand everything that happens to you. But you don't have to. Accept everything that comes in your life. There will be times when you'll be frustrated, but remember, there's a lesson for you at every corner.

    That you can always find a reason to be grateful. You just have to close your eyes and think.

   That there are hundreds or thousands of books written exactly for you that are waiting to be discovered. Look for them and they'll reveal themselves to you.

   That lost time doesn't come back so think about leaving something behind. Memories, photos, diaries. Record your life somewhere. You'll be thankful to rediscover it in some years.

   That money don't bring happiness. It's all in your head. You can craft or recycle instead of buying. Just use your imagination.

   That people need to be reminded how important they are to you. So let them know. 

   That if you want something, want it badly and it will come true. Be careful what you wish for, though. 

   That fear, guilt and anger will only bring bad consequences. Be at peace with yourself and with others. 

    That life is worth being explored, enjoyed, lived to the fullest. So do it! Do it now!:)

Day 320. Getting in the mood

   An awesome thing is awesome only if you're in the right mood for it. Otherwise, it's just plain boring. This is why I tend to postpone things that I need or want to read or watch till I'm totally up to it. I might upset one or two people, but that's how I know I'll enjoy them the most. 

   How do you get in the mood for something? Can you always get in the mood when asked to? How about getting in the mood for things like work or study? 

   It's been a while since I'm studying for this summer's exam and lately I'm feeling more and more out of the right mood for it. So the only thing that works for me is finding something to motivate me. Yep. A reward. It all goes down to classical conditioning. I admit, sometimes I give myself the reward before studying (some say it's a biiig mistake) but in the end people are different and we all have our twisted way of getting in the right mood for something. So why not take it easy and know that when we get there we enjoy it fully rather than force ourselves to do something when we don't want to? 

   Take a break. Have a Kit Kat:) Or a piece of cake:)

Day 300. Relax, take it easy

   I donno about you, but I love it when I know there's nothing in my schedule for the day and I can do whatever floats my boat without having to work or be somewhere. Well, whenever something unplanned comes up in a previously free day, I become a little storm in a glass. That is, when I have to do something work related and I must depend on people... like today. 
   It's like my brain is eagerly waiting for a proper moment to be stressed about something and it gets in turbo mode every time that moment happens, saying something like "omg, omg, omg, let's solve this asap so you can go back to doing nothing again". I guess it's right, but the feeling it gives me is totally wrong. 

   So, after stressing out at first, I tried to take it step by step. I solved my part of the deal and then told myself I should chill until the others do their own:) Although at first I felt like the day has passed me by and I did nothing at all the whole day, after I started relaxing I realized I still had time to study for the exam and read a good book. 

   So my lesson for today is: 

"The shortest way to do many things is to do 

only one thing at a time."   

                                                           - Mozart

Day 275. That awesome feeling

   .... of living freely, of living in the Here and Now. 

   Today I chose to feel good doing what I love and leave aside what I "have to". I chose to enjoy the sunny morning reading a beautiful book (The Paper Girl - Guillaume Musso) and let myself take in all the positive energy that involved. 

It even rained in the afternoon and guess what. This time I wasn't annoyed. The fact that I chose ME over THEM made me enjoy the fresh smell during the heavy rain and actually take photos of it:) Isn't it interesting how a small change can have such a big impact upon a whole day?

   Today I had to cook. New stuff. And I was a bit afraid everything was going to turn up a mess, but it actually went well. I was happy and I took the challenge positively. In the end, the sun involved that part of my day, too:)

    My lesson for today: 

Choose to feel free from time to time and just do what you love. You'll see how your whole day will change in an instant:)

Day 121. When life gives you lemons

   ... you make lemonade, right? Well, what do you do when life turns off the electricity? You take a romantic bath and read a good book in the candle light:) Exactly what I did today. I didn't freak out when the power went off. I smiled and "I made  myself a lemonade"... and what a relaxing day I had:) The thing is that whenever something unexpected and uncontrollable happens to us, we react just like after pressing "the red button". Does that help us in any way? Sometimes we take it as a challenge and solve the problem. Other times we stress out and enter the denial phase. These are the times when we should calm down, breathe and solve the puzzle the best way we can in the given situation. Was life so bad before electricity? Of course it wasn't. Could people still live, enjoy life, love and be happy without it? Of course! Just look at the people in Downton Abbey TV show. They seem pretty stable themselves:) 

   In another train of thoughts, today I decided my Christmas tree's time has passed so I took down the decorations from the tree and said goodbye to everything related to Christmas. I know some people keep it longer but I felt it had to be today. I realized the Christmas tree without Christmas is just like a tree without leaves. As I took the Christmas balls from the branches I thought about making a list with all the decorations that I put on it. Guess how many there were. 221. Yes. You read it right. It seems a lot, doesn't it? I could have used 10 or 20 more though:) For the next tree I have around 45. 176 decorations left to buy:) I can't waaaait! I even made a "sneak peek" photo for the next December's tree:D 

   So, in the end, whenever life gives you lemons, instead of crying or pouting, remember: Santa's still coming to town next December!;)

Day 48. A few pages a day

   ... keep boredom away:) No matter where I go, I always keep a book in my bag. You never know when you'll end up having to wait. And on top of it, I have a pretty long way towards work so guess what I am doing every morning on the bus:) 

   One one hand there are the people who wonder why I'm doing it when you could simply sit and chill until you reach your destination but on the other side there are the peek-ers:) They are so curious what you're reading that they turn their head to the left or to the right to read the title. I smiled in my mind at the thought of their reaction to the title of my last book: "I'll kill myself some other time" :)) I guess that sounded interesting enough:) 

    Today, while waiting to get checked by my physician, I read. I knew I was going to have to wait so I smiled at the thought of reading (it helps if you really like the book, otherwise it's a drag). You could see the difference. People around me were getting nervous and were starting to complain about having to wait for so long. Right then I felt blessed. I had a book with me. Something to save me from boredom. Something to make me dream wild and forget about everything else:)

Day 21. One of those golden moments

   I initially chose a different moment of the day to talk about, but it surely doesn't bear the same importance:) This one right here is one of those golden moments when you're sooo relaxed and carefree like you usually feel during a holiday at the seaside when the breeze caresses your hair. Nevertheless, an evening spent in my own vineyard (located at the 4th floor of a block of flats) while reading in the last rays of sun can surely compare to all that seaside retreat:) It felt like a total relaxation. Just like a bubble bath. (Girls know what I'm talking about). Like all issues that need to be solved can be postponed and it's just you and the book in the sunset. Lovely! 
           You should try it too:)

P.S. I love my bookmark so I think you should see it too^^ (Full view to read the motto)