365 days project 2. Day 60. Happiness through others

   Do you remember the last time you were happy... because of something that happened to someone else? Being happy because they were happy? I experience this every day at work.

   These are just a few examples:

- When the kids are getting enthusiastic because I want to play with them 

'Hey, kids, can I play with lego too?'

'Yeees!' they all say happily. 

'Let me show you how to build a house' one of them says.

'I'm going to show you how to build a garage for the policeman.' a differrent boy adds.

'That sounds really exciting' I say.

The other children in the class watch us curiously.

'Do you want to play too?' I ask them. 'Why don't we build the highest tower ever made out of lego? Do you want to help me?'

And soon all the kids are around the table each helping me build the tower.

-When they are thrilled because I am telling them a story and afterwards I give them a coloring sheet about the story. 

'Did you bring us something to color today, Dana?'

'Yes I did.'

'Oh yeaaaaah!!! Can't wait!' 

-When they all come towards me and hug me in the biggest, tightest group hug ever every time they see me once a week 

   They're all sweethearts and even though they have their bad days when they don't seem to want to obey or follow rules I still love them to bits and their happiness becomes my happiness daily! 

365 days project 2. Day 44. The guide to playing with a child

   Not everybody meets kids on a daily basis. So not everybody knows how to play with them. But at some point we all meet the little ones. And then some of us freak out and don't know how to react while others seem like they have it in them to just know what to do. 

   I always found it so easy to approach a child and enter his world, play with him, understand him and make myself understood. But not everybody is like this. Some have no idea how to react in order not to harm the child or not to upset the parent. They don't know what is allowed and what isn't. So they seclude themselves in a corner where the child doesn't go and observe him attentively without interacting. And that's alright as long as the observation ends at some point and you let yourself be a child again and play with that child. 

What to do when you know nothing about kids and how to play with them?

1. Ask the parent. No, that doesn't make you look stupid. It means you want to know the child properly. 

2. Observe what the others do and do the same. It's not as difficult as it seems, I promise!

3. Let the child lead and you just follow. Do what the child does. Mirror him and he will be very happy. And when you can't understand what he's saying (and it's not a question) just say "yes, that's right" :) He wants to feel accepted and valued so this way you are doing that for him. Also maybe ask the parent what he said just to make sure you get the right meaning :)

4. Be a child again and do what you used to do when you were little. Kids are still the way they used to be :)

5. Try to guess what he wants and give him options in questions: "Do you want to play with the ball?" "Do you want to play in the sand?" The child will lead you and help you understand what he wants :)

6. It's ok to hug him or kiss him. He's not going to break. A child usually loves affection. But if you want to make sure, observe how he reacts to others being loving with him.

7. Just let go all your fears and enjoy the utter happiness playing with a child brings. It will make you forget about all your problems and help you reconnect with your inner child. It's like therapy :) Child therapy! :)

The lessons of a 27 year old

Dear diary,

   Today I turn 27. This is for sure an age I never thought about when I was a child and thought of "when I grow up". It was all vague in my mind but I somehow always saw myself as being 20. Today, however, I keep blooming.

   It's funny how ages and their meaning changed over the past decade. Today, being 27 IS like being 20. Just finished master degree and started working 3 years ago, compared to our parents who would have been married with kids by this age. Either way, I enjoy it so much more consciously now. 

   Every birthday brings a slight change, but this one, I believe, brought the most of them :) Since last year, I moved in with my fiancé! It sounds small, but it's really big actually. This time last year I was involved in a beautiful new relationship, but I surely didn't have a fiancé and I was still living with my parents! So talk about a change, eh? (By the way, dear diary, I say "Eh" a lot now, VERY Canadian of me! Today I'm finally applying for my first tourist visa for Canada, so I say I'm pretty ready to go :D)

   The reason why I actually wanted to write to you and mark this milestone is because I want to remember what I learned until now, in all these years. Maybe it will help me later on :)

   I learned that...

   You need amazing parents in order to become an amazing person and even the most amazing parents can sometimes make parenting mistakes. At the end of the day, they all somehow instill in us their fears as we will instill our fears in our kids. It's inevitable, but still something we can control if we aknowledge it. But what we need most as kids is LOVE, ATTENTION and APPRECIATION. If we believe we are valuable to our parents and they are willing to share their TIME with us, playing, talking about life and learning together, if they show INTEREST, then our childhood is going to be the BEST. With or without a lot of money, toys and whatnot. At the end of the day, Love conquers all. 

   I learned that life brings you friends that come and go and that's okay. But the most important are the ones who stay because they want to and the ones who stay because YOU pick them. Always choose the ones who make you happy and who teach you lessons: lessons of trust, neverending love, forgiveness and honesty. You won't always love your friends to the bits. Sometimes, you won't agree with something they do or say. But still love them, because they need that. And that's what you'll get in return. Because what goes around comes around.

   I learned that if you're giving, you shall receive. The same amount of love, and care, and appreciation. And sometimes it can be overwhelming and you'll wonder if you deserve it, but believe me, YOU DO, because if you were a giver you will also be a receiver :)

   I learned that teenage period is full of unanswered questions and crushes and worry about school and the future, but if you have a supportive family and the right friends around you, everything is going to be OKAY. Yes, you shall cry and miss those unrequited love stories or boyfriends who broke up with you without understanding why. It will stay with you your whole life, but you shouldn't let it get the better of you. Life moves on and you will move on with it.

   I learned that life is not as short as I expected. During my childhood and teenage period I heard about a lot of young people dying. It doesn't mean that's it's SO often that it will happen to You or your loved ones. And even if it does, at some point, be careful that you live fully until then so that when it does happen to you, you can have that "I lived it all, thank you, life" feeling :)

   I learned that life is not always fair. Many times you won't understand things that happen to you, but you somehow need to find the resilience to explain to yourself in your own way what happened and find the strength to go on. And then, in those moments, KNOW that it could ALWAYS be worse and you have dear ones around you to help you move on.

   I learned that we all have beautiful gifts inside us. Our talents. And we should exploit them when the time is right without caring what the others say. If you feel you want to do it, then do it! Show the world what you're good at and try to always improve!

   I learned that people will judge now and then and you won't be liked by everybody and that's okay. As long as you love yourself, everything is going to be okay because THIS is the secret of moving on. You need to find the power to love yourself with all the faults you have. I know you live with yourself 24/7, but try. And always thank for the compliments you receive. Don't turn them around. Believe. In. Yourself!

   I learned that love comes when you least expect. And that you don't have just ONE soulmate on this planet. There are people who match you more or less, but who still have common things with you. They will make you happy, very happy but some shorter periods than others. And the one who matches you the best will make you happy forever and ever :) You will KNOW when you find him so you don't have to stress about not knowing. I believe there's a biological button somewhere in there that tells you the time is right. And you will feel that you were meant to be together.

   I learned that most (if not all) of those cheesy motivational quotes are TRUE and that life is so much more surprising than the movies. 

   I learned that you will want to look back to your life and it's wonderful to have a blog or diaries to read when you do that. So keep writing, keep documenting, keep sharing. Because some things you write can help others and when you hear that you will be the happiest.

   I learned that flowers and kids can lift your spirit on a bad day and that very good food will always inspire you to cook more. 

   I learned that ALL DREAMS come true if you strongly believe in them and if you keep thinking about them. 

   I learned that no matter his shape, there IS a God out there and someone up there ALWAYS loves you. 

   I could write a book, dear diary, and maybe someday I will :) But today I'll stop here and I'll go enjoy my birthday :)

With love and excitement,

D.

  

Hang in there!

Dear diary,

   I probably told you this before, but now and then I keep having a deep sense of helplessness when I'm at work. I realized that my first year in the kindergarten was very different to this one (the third). Back then I was full of desire, hope and will to change the world/the kindergarten into a better place and help all the needy kids. Now I know I can actually change only 1% of what I wanted back then and that makes me feel really useless sometimes. 

   It's hard to see yourself willing to help but facing the resistance of the parents who don't want to cooperate or are absolutely convinced that their kids are perfectly fine. Just as tough is to see how many kids have permissive parents who let them have everything they want without any rule or boundary. So then, when they come to the kindergarten we face really difficult kids who don't want to obey you at all and who always do the opposite of what they're told. I know, you might say we don't know how to act properly, but believe me, we've tried EVERYTHING and sometimes, in days like this you just collapse. 

   And little by little, I started resembling some of my fellow coworkers' way of thinking. They left the educational system in favor of opening their own private practice because they realized that working in a kindergarten or school doesn't bring you the satisfaction you wished for at first. I don't seriously consider leaving the system yet, but it's funny how in the first year I wouldn't understand them, and now I feel exactly the same. It's very, very tough to be a psychologist that isn't listened to and even harder to be a teacher. It takes all the patience you have and a great deal of work done with yourself in lowering your expectations regarding the kids and their families. 

    But then again, there are days like TODAY, when everything went smoothly. I had great activities with the kids, they were all very involved, willing to cooperate and full of love and for a second there I thought that I might not be changing the whole world, but 1% is a good start.

   So, there you have it. My huge smile today from morning to evening, everywhere I went. I really had a great day and I needed to remind myself that I should hang in there because life has its ups and downs and we all have good days and bad days and I should just keep doing what I love without expecting so much from myself or... the world :)

   By the way, Oliver and I are moving in together this weekend and I've been packing my stuff for a month now. I never believed I own SO MANY THINGS and SO MANY BOOKS. It's all very exciting and I can't wait to tell you all about the move and what comes after :)

Still smiling,

D.

Think happy thoughts

Dear diary,

   I'm a perfectionist. So I worry a lot. Sometimes I think that maybe things won't go as planned and I envision a posible bad outcome believing that this way I would be prepared for whatever comes. "Always be prepared for the bad things", my dad said. But in all my worry and irrational thinking I forget how important and life changing happy thoughts are. How just by envisioning a positive outcome, I already bring it closer. 

   I won't lie, it's difficult to try to think positive no matter what especially when you've been brought up a certain way. But I know kids do it all the time. If they can wake up every morning with a smile on their face forgetting about yesterday, why can't we? What I love about kids the most is how, because of their still developing brain, they can't think too far ahead. And boy, does that help. They focus on here and now and that's all they know. They do learn from their mistakes, but they can't plan for the long term future. So unless they really miss their mommy or some friend doesn't want to play with them, they don't worry. How amazing that is! 

   Because of the society we live in and because of all the accumulated negative emotional baggage we always seem to carry with us we step forward with fear and we lose touch with the inner child and the positive thoughts we can have. But the good thing is that we can teach our brain to focus on different things than it's used to. We, unlike kids, can solve problems so much easier and sometimes just by re-directing our thoughts. Isn't that amazing?

   So today I'm thinking happy thoughts even if the weather outside is kind of sad. I know I can bring the sun on the cloudy sky by drawing it in my mind. Because people are THAT powerful :)

Happy,

D.

Changing the world

Dear diary,

   Everyone has an ultimate purpose in their life: maybe being happy, having a beautiful family of their own, being rich and popular, creating something truly beautiful or maybe changing the world, like I do. We all want something big while we're here. The top of our list. The thing we work for, strive for, dream about. I want to heal the world, as cheesy as it might sound. I want to help people, make their lives better, change their way of thinking, make them happy. Not just for now, but on the long term. I want to see people who love each other and who live a long, happy life. I know it might sound like a utopia in today's society, but when you're working as a psychologist, you can see that happening in bits and pieces of what you're trying to do. The problem is that working in a kindergarten has its perks but also its disadvantages. You can't see the kid on the long term. He graduates and he goes away. You don't know how much you actually helped. If you helped. Working with small kids is a neverending challenge. Today, they may be quiet, obeying and pay attention to what you want to teach them and know they actually learned something but tomorrow you might feel like an alien on a different planet and no matter how you try to make yourself understood, you can't do it. They just don't seem to want to listen. Because what they truly want is to PLAY. And it's all natural. Because they're KIDS.

   I've had a feeling of helplessness lately. The feeling that makes you question your very existence. "Am I actually making a change here? Do I actually HELP or do I keep trying in vain and nothing changes? What should I do next? How should I take this failure?" But then I realized you can't change the whole world in a single day. God took 6 days to build it. He didn't rush. He simply took His time. So why should I? Why do I tend to fall into the parents' expectations of being a doctor who serves a pill that makes their kids perfectly adapted and well behaved? I can't do that no matter how hard I try and if I keep wishing for sudden, huge changes I will never see that. As a wise friend said recently, I might not change the world in the kindergarten but at least I put the kids in the right direction. And that helps too, right? The fact that they ALL want to jump on me, hugging me EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to visit them, the fact that they say "I love you, Dana" and "I'm so happy to see you" already gives me a feedback of a job well done. No matter how the kids actually perceive the help I wanted to give them. At least they show appreciation. Which means I'm not that far from what I actually wanted. I am making the tiniest differences in their small worlds, and I should be satisfied with THAT. I should accept that small changes are still changing the world. That doing the best I can with what I have NOW is good too. So, for a while now, I choose to give up on my performance anxiety and just keep doing what I do and be happy to see all my kids HAPPY. In the end, that's my ultimate purpose, right? 

Mental self note: See the bigger picture! Don't get lost in the small details!

Hopeful,

D.

Holy(day)

Dear diary,

   Exams finally passed and after 2 months of studying and losing contact to all people around me, everything's back on track: I took the exam I was worried about and I'm still waiting for the results on the other one, but I have a good feeling. 

   So guess what: I'm gonna work in the same kindergarten one more yeaaaar! I'm so happy! I love seeing the kids grow and evolve alongside with me and I can't wait to read them the books I bought for them from Vatra Dornei! 

   Life's good. Really good. And I feel so blessed for having everything I want and need. So many things have changed for the better:) Life's exciting and full of new things! 

   So now I'm gonna catch up with my friends, go out for photos, read wonderful books, watch my TV shows and enjoy the awesome things summer has still prepared for me! It's finally a holiday!

In love with life,

D.

Day 363. Farewell

   Last year I had to work in two kindergartens. There was the main one - big and cheerful with lots of loving kids- and the other one - small and cosy, with friendly people and cute kids. A part of me died today when I found out I won't be working in the second kindergarten this year. And then I immediately thought of this saying I read in a book:

   Yep, I didn't see this coming:( And I don't understand why I shouldn't feel comfortable in a place I feel like home... I know, my dad taught me there always has to be a cracked door somewhere so I could get out safe and sound every time. It was about romantic relationships, but this applies here as well... 

   I'm hurt because I got to care about those people and I know they care about me too. We got along awesomely. It was that kind of relationship when you understand each other from a glance:) The kids were so adorable that right now I'm happy I was inspired enough to take photos of and with them during the past year. The teachers were friendly, helping and warm. Beautiful people, beautiful place. "Ladybug kindergarten", you will be missed!

Day 348. Rules are meant to be broken

   ... or at least bent. That's what they say. I know, it sounds rather teenagerish and rebellious to say that in a society that's based on rules, one than cannot survive without them. I am aware of the fact that the world would be a total chaos without rules or if we wouldn't stick to them, but from time to time if you get out of that shell and you go your way instead of their way, life suddenly seems way more interesting and exciting. No wonder, huh? 

   Yeah, I bent a rule today and I felt good. Then I felt guilty (of course). But after that I remembered I always stick to the rules and I follow them blindly. If there's someone who does that for a living, well, that's me. But today I chose not to. And boy it felt good. "Eating the forbidden fruit". Mmm. Just as exciting as when we're kids and we steal a French fry from mommy's plate. Just as exciting as when we're teens and we skip a class and go on the highest hill in the city with out classmates and we listen to "Sweet escape" while wildly running around playing tag. Mmm. The sweet feeling follows us everywhere. And it's just as sweet every time we bend a rule. 

   In the end, if you don't hurt anybody and if you don't cause others damage, I guess bending the rules from time to time can sparkle your life a little bit. And we all need sparkle, don't we?:) 

Day 340. The dark at the end of the tunnel

   We grow up always asking questions. When we're babies we want to know all the object names, then when we're kids we start asking "Why?" every 2 minutes. When we're teens we ask "Who am I?" and when we're adults we get all metaphysical and we start questioning the purpose of life and death. I'm there. 

   I had this talk to myself again tonight and I still didn't get an answer. I never do, but I keep asking because I want to know: "Why do young people have to die?" Why kids? Why teens? I get old people dying but youngsters are supposed to have their whole life ahead. What's the purpose of all this? I'm tired of always getting the "they have to teach the others a lesson" type of answer. I just don't get it. 

   Some get sick and others commit suicide. Why do they go through all this? The worst part is that no matter how hard we try to help them, they just go. 

Day 328. Fairytales

   Friends are like books. They open our eyes to a world were no matter what happens, the ending is always happy. They help us find ourselves and they're always so entertaining to be around. We daydream with them and when we're down they bring us up and sometimes we're down together because we feel exactly what they feel and sharing the pain is always easier when there's two. They are the stories that we don't want to end. 

   We meet some of them when we're kids and our friendship goes on forever even if we change in time. Others are first our classmates, the only ones we'll keep in touch with even after school ends, the ones we'll invite to our wedding and the same ones we'll walk our babies with. And then there are the friends who step in our world later, when we least expect. The kind of friends who remind us that being ourselves is awesome because they are just like us. The kind of friends you don't see every day but when you do meet time stops for you and happiness is all around. The friends that remind us that

   I wuv you, Laura! You showed me that being lovey dovey and overly hugging is Ok. You reminded me that love can save the day so that's why I keep spreading it ^^ Thank You, cupcake! <3 I'm so glad I met you!

Day 288. Happy end

  During all my childhood I loved fairy tales because they all had their happy ending no matter how difficult the journey was. Well, today I got my happy ending too.

   It was my last day of work in this school year. It's been a full one. Ups and downs and then ups again. I remember that last September I started my first year of work being full of excitement. And then I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to handle some unpredictable situations. But slowly I learned all that and much more. 

   At first I thought I'd be a mini god with so much power to use. But as the months passed I realized I had unrealistic expectations:) Only 10% of what I learned in university would help me in practice. Oh the joy of discovering that!

   But all in all, after making mistakes and learning from them, after so many activities with the kids, today I stepped in a class for the last time this year and the kids all gathered around me hugging me. They were sooo cute especially because they wouldn't normally do that so I wanted to make sure. I asked them what that meant and they said "We love you!!!" So, if this is how my first year of work ended, I'd say it's definitely a Happy End. 

   To many more happy endings!:)

Day 266. Responsibility

   If yesterday I felt nervous for myself, today I experienced feeling nervous for others:) 

   Some of my friends had an important English exam and knowing I've helped them get ready made me feel responsible. It wasn't the usual maternal feeling though, but a weird, interesting kind of adrenaline of "can't wait to see how well they do":) Because in the end this is the time my work will pay off:) So I'm looking forward to the results.

   Interesting feeling. I bet I'll experience it again with my own future kids. And man, that'd feel awkward. Because when I feel nervous about something that's happening to me I guess I can control it better, but what about them? Yeah, in the end this is how a control freak I am:)

Day 209. Yes, I can!

   Once upon a time there was a boy called Ionuț. He loved climbing rees and walking in the forest. His best friend was a big, black dog called Azorel. One day... 

   We're evaluating kids this week. The ones that are some months below the appropriate age for going to school. So we want to see if they're ready or not. The story above is one of the tests. They have to listen to it carefully and then say what they remember of it. And in the second part of the evaluation they have to copy a lot of geometric figures. You should see their drawings!:) It's really interesting to observe them while they are at it. It makes me feel like a little scientist and I'm loving it:) 
   The good part is that most of the kids I evaluated have good skills, but the other ones have big self esteem issues. And it's a pity because it's going to be like carrying a heavy backpack around for the rest of their lives... just because they wanted to be perfect and not let their parents down. 
   The worst part is that we're like them, too. We don't trust ourselves the way we should. We always look around for appreciation and if we don'g get it, we lose any shred of confidence. There goes "I can". 
   A kid started to cry today because he made a little mistake. The rest of the drawings were perfect, but that one thing made him lose it. How often are we like him? How often do we look around for appreciation when it's ourselves we should look at first? I think we should all accept ourselves and trust that we CAN do it, whatever it is that life prepared for us:) 

Remember: you can do a lot more than you think you can:) 

So let's start from there:) 

Day 201. Rainbows and unicorns

   I already told you I love fooling around like my kids: drawing, coloring, painting, hand crafting and such. So today, when I needed to find some "kids from all over the world" for the activity I'm having tomorrow, I was filled with the joy of anticipation and I surfed the internet for almost an hour until I was pleased with the result. Of course I could have asked some kids to color the drawings but I love doing it myself:) In the end, I'm very proud of what turned out:) 

   You could say the rainbow and I were destined to meet today because I wore the rainbow sunglasses ever since morning. It didn't matter it snowed at THE END of March. I was happy to be healthy (see where all those flu periods got me to?) and I even thought that colored snow would be inappropriate so I pretty much enjoyed snow today:) 

   I love wearing my rainbow sunglasses. I have to remember to use them during the cloudy days as well. That's when I need them the most:) 

Day 196. Where to?

   When we're little we think about the toys we want to play with, our friends from the kindergarten or the cartoons we're going to watch when we get home. When we grow up we start thinking about our future. At first, it's the immediate future: the high school or university we want to attend, the friends we want to have and that ideal relationship that we want to last forever. When we're working we inevitably think about the distant future: a family, a place of our own, a kid. 

   It's interesting how things evolve over time. And it's a bit scary when you have to plan your whole life ahead and know you have to take the best decisions, choose the best option when everything seems so insecure. But that's why we have the internet and friends for. To ask them what they think and start from there. And then hope for the best and learn to be flexible. Change plans whenever they seem not to work anymore. And never lose hope. Believe everything is going to be ok, no matter how twisted the labyrinth might be. 

   And in the end everything comes true. And we'll see "where to?" was just a question that made us start a whole new chapter in our life: the best one:) 

Day 185. Lost and found

   Remember when weeks ago I said I wanted my child memories back? That I wanted to find something to remind of of how I was as a child? I did!!! 

   My uncle gave me this cassette I totally forgot about. I was recorded at the age of 4, 5 and 9 while reciting poems:) I had such a cute voice my heart melted:) My brother was barely learning to talk, my dad was trying to make him say "mom", "dad", "oops" and cute stuff like that:) My dear, dear grandma was around too. I almost burst into tears. It brought back the good, old times when everything was ok, when we were all together, when life was barely beginning. Now, we've grown up, life is uncertain and many of the good people have gone. 

   Sometimes I miss being a child, you know? I always find myself loving the craft work my kids do at the kindergarten and I just want to sit down with them and do whatever they're doing, play with them and listen to awesome lessons, live life all over again from the beginning. It's not that adult life is frightening, it's just that we forget how awesome that time was because "when we're little we want to grow up and when we've grown up we want to be little". 

   Still, being able to live again a small part of my childhood was awesome:) And the good part is that... memories are always alive! And they should be preserved. Today I learned that videos are better than photos. Unless we're in Harry Potter and we have moving photos:) 

Note to self: Make a very organized plan about preserving your kids' childhood:) 

Day 176. The 1st of March

   Today I had such a special day:) It felt like I stepped in a dream and I was walking around in amazement in a land of fairies. Everywhere I looked I was surrounded by beautiful spring flowers. Snowdrops, hyacinths and tulips, a sea of color and perfume:) Wow! And it was the 1st of March. Such a festive day! It made everything more intense and more springy:)

   At the kindergarten children were all wearing cute cartoon character trinkets. I loved seeing their faces light up when talking about them and proudly associating them with spring:) Everybody was so happy while working on their little gifts for their mothers while spring songs could be heard everywhere. Spring decorations were hanging in the halls and in the classrooms and everyone was giving away and receiving mărțișoare:) I received some myself. The kids were sooo adorable while giving them to me:) One of the little ones said: "Have a lovely spring and thank you for taking care of me." Awww!:) 

   Then, after coming home my cousin gave me this beautiful handmade mărțișor (in the photo). These are the ones I appreciate the most. The ones kids make with their own hands. They have so much more meaning:)

   And this is what spring is all about. JOY! The joy of coming back to life and enjoying nature and its wonders. Spring is definitely THE season. My season:) I'm in love again:)

Day 174. What sets us apart

   Today I played a game with kids of different ages and I was fascinated by the result:) 

   We talked about physical differences between kids and people in general. They had to compare every two kids I picked. Then, they had to say something they like about every child that was in front of the class. The cute thing was to watch the little ones say "We like him/her because he/she is beauuuutiful" or "Because he/she picks up the toys after playing with them" at EVERY child they saw in front of them:) Interestingly, a year older kids (middle class ones) generally said: "Because he/she is so cheerful and cute / Because he/she plays with me". What's changing inside their little brain in a year to make them see things differently? And how does this change appear? I'm so interested in how they perceive the world:) I bet their parents and teachers have a lot to say in how they grow up, but I still love their way of seeing things and people. Of course, there were kids who said "because she's ugly" and I had to kindly explain that wasn't a thing "to like" about someone, that we're all beautiful and we all have something beautiful about ourselves. They found it tough to understand, especially when they had to say something nice about the naughtiest boy in class, but they still have time to get there:)

   I thought about how we, adults, perceive the ones around us and the characteristics we like in people. Of course, experience molds us and makes us see things according to our expectations, but it's nice to notice how everything begins and how it develops:) So today I realized grown ups have to be very careful of how they teach the little ones interpret what they see. We're their models and we have to judge less if we want them to grow up beautifully and not make the mistakes we've made:) 

Day 167. Feels like heaven

   A heaven full of cute Teddy bears:) What a difference, huh? Been through hell and now I'm going through heaven. Bipolar much?:)) Naaah, that's just how life is... and the fact that today everything really worked soooo smoothly that going back to work was a real blessing:) How often can you say that?

   My lovely day started with a class of angels who are usually very energetic and not paying attention to the activities but who this time were so patient and willing to cooperate:) A real wonder. I was even able to teach them a poem along with some girls from Russia and later on they drew the bear from the poem sooo artistically and cute that it made my heart melt. And as I sat down and chatted with a boy while he was drawing, all of a sudden he stopped what he was doing and started telling me on a serious voice: "You should know I love you!":) They say those words so easily and I admire them for that because I know they really mean it:) And still... life's so wicked. Now they're nasty and they don't want to obey you, then, you sit down with them, listen to them, play with them and then they're suddenly your best friends. This is how I realized you first have to be your kids' friend and only then their superior. It doesn't matter if you're their teacher or their parent. They want you to set them free and try to understand their needs. But it's a real pain to make them understand your needs as well:) We're still working on that one, though. There's plenty of time left.

   All in all, today I noticed how much I missed my kids and how much I need them in order to be zen. I wouldn't be as happy among school kids or teens as I am now. I could never:) This is my destiny. To be forever surrounded by preschool kids no matter if that means being pissed and feeling useless from time to time. There's only so low you can go and then... you have to climb back:) Remember this, Dana, when you'll go down there again!

   You know what? Today I really am positive:) Not to mention how talking to a dear, old friend improved that state:) So, scratch that. Today I'm MORE positive!:D Maybe tomorrow I'm gonna be THE MOST positive:)