365 days project 2. Day 73. Childhood memories

   Proust had a madeleine. I have a blue flower! :)  
   Today I walked to the bus station and I passed by some blue, summery flowers. And then I stopped. I turned around and I smiled. One second later the movie of my childhood was playing in my mind: the summer days in the countryside when grandma was baking delicious desserts for me and my brother, my grandpa was teaching us to play chess and later on we were all eating fresh and healthy food from the back garden. Those days will always be sunny in my mind... sunny and carefree. 

   It's so interesting how a madeleine in Proust's case or a blue flower in my case can bring back so many memories, isn't it? Mysterious are the ways of our wonderful brain! How amazing is that? Good, happy memories are always with us, hidden in forgotten drawers and ready to get out when we expect them the least. And isn't that exactly what can make our day? :)

Think happy thoughts

Dear diary,

   I'm a perfectionist. So I worry a lot. Sometimes I think that maybe things won't go as planned and I envision a posible bad outcome believing that this way I would be prepared for whatever comes. "Always be prepared for the bad things", my dad said. But in all my worry and irrational thinking I forget how important and life changing happy thoughts are. How just by envisioning a positive outcome, I already bring it closer. 

   I won't lie, it's difficult to try to think positive no matter what especially when you've been brought up a certain way. But I know kids do it all the time. If they can wake up every morning with a smile on their face forgetting about yesterday, why can't we? What I love about kids the most is how, because of their still developing brain, they can't think too far ahead. And boy, does that help. They focus on here and now and that's all they know. They do learn from their mistakes, but they can't plan for the long term future. So unless they really miss their mommy or some friend doesn't want to play with them, they don't worry. How amazing that is! 

   Because of the society we live in and because of all the accumulated negative emotional baggage we always seem to carry with us we step forward with fear and we lose touch with the inner child and the positive thoughts we can have. But the good thing is that we can teach our brain to focus on different things than it's used to. We, unlike kids, can solve problems so much easier and sometimes just by re-directing our thoughts. Isn't that amazing?

   So today I'm thinking happy thoughts even if the weather outside is kind of sad. I know I can bring the sun on the cloudy sky by drawing it in my mind. Because people are THAT powerful :)

Happy,

D.

Day 331. Fearless

   It's funny how we're built up to be the strongest and the weakest version of ourselves all in the same person. It all depends on how we interpret things, our past experiences and if others seem weaker than us. Then we embrace the strong version of ourselves and we want to lift that person up. And somehow the next day we will be the weak one needing to be lifted up too. Interesting... 

   Everything starts and ends with the brain:) As much as you'd like to think that events around you influence what you feel, it's never like that. And one of the reasons that brings up the worst in us is thinking about the future and the fact that we can't control it. Then panicking happens. I'm asking you though:

   Funny how that comes from the person who usually worries about stuff. See? Today I'm the strong one. For two of my best friends needed to be lifted up. We do worry because we take into consideration the possibility that it won't be ok. And then we ask ourselves: "What am I going to do then? What if I lose everything and I will be alone? How am I going to cope with that?" But in those fearful times we forget to remember that:

   Yes, you might lose your friends but then you have your family. You might lose your family but then you have your friends. And if you lose your boyfriend/girlfriend, there's always best friends and they never go away:) That's why they're best friends. And even IF you lose everything, believe me, you WILL find the power to go on and everything will be ok. Just fight for what you want and never give up. Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end:) Simple as that.

Day 313. Count your blessings

   Our brain is prone to seeing the negative side of life first. Because this way it finds problems to solve. But somehow that's our biggest enemy: that we start counting the troubles first and just rarely remember the good things in our life. Indeed, the good ones don't need fixing, but if we don't acknowledge them, be thankful for them or work to preserve them, it will be a matter of time until they turn into some of our troubles. 

   Each evening I sit on my balcony and watch the sunset. The interesting part is that every single day, no matter how gloomy or moody the weather is until 8 o'clock PM, the sun always shines again an hour before setting. And it offers me amazing sunsets and terrific photographic material. Each evening I feel more and more blessed:)

   So, don't forget. No matter how many problems your brain might find during the day, at the end of it:

Day 300. Relax, take it easy

   I donno about you, but I love it when I know there's nothing in my schedule for the day and I can do whatever floats my boat without having to work or be somewhere. Well, whenever something unplanned comes up in a previously free day, I become a little storm in a glass. That is, when I have to do something work related and I must depend on people... like today. 
   It's like my brain is eagerly waiting for a proper moment to be stressed about something and it gets in turbo mode every time that moment happens, saying something like "omg, omg, omg, let's solve this asap so you can go back to doing nothing again". I guess it's right, but the feeling it gives me is totally wrong. 

   So, after stressing out at first, I tried to take it step by step. I solved my part of the deal and then told myself I should chill until the others do their own:) Although at first I felt like the day has passed me by and I did nothing at all the whole day, after I started relaxing I realized I still had time to study for the exam and read a good book. 

   So my lesson for today is: 

"The shortest way to do many things is to do 

only one thing at a time."   

                                                           - Mozart

Day 294. Getting started

   ... is always tough. Most starts are full of anxiety and lack of motivation. At least the ones when you know you gotta learn 500 pages by heart in a month. Yeah, it sounds like a lot of time, but when procrastination is your best friend, well... it's kinda hard to make it work:) 

   There's an age when you just can't study like you used to. That age when you'd rather work than study. The age of maturity. Sounds so final but I guess it's true. It's been 20 years since I started learning stuff so I guess my brain wants some rest. But you know what they say, if you gotta do it, you gotta do it. 

   So here I am starting to study. At first my mind goes "squirrel" every 5 minutes and I even catch myself daydreaming now and then but...

   ... so everything has a purpose I guess:) 

   My lesson today: The start is always tough but once you've started to walk/run/study, it's not that bad after all. Until it's way too much. But that's why breaks were invented:) So use them wisely;)

Day 257. Follow your heart but...

   ... take your brain with you!

   Sometimes following our heart involves a lot of risk taking and even bad decisions. But you can't convince the heart otherwise. 

   So, since you already decided, take the road and follow it closely. It might make you suffer, but at least you'll learn some valuable lessons. And next time you'll take the brain with you. Because, as much as you don't want to, it will always give you the heads up and prevent some major breakdowns. Or at least it will make you be aware of them. And yes, it'll be the one saying "I told you so". Still, you need it to get out of those breakdowns. And move on in one piece. Or two. 

Day 248. Flooding

   I don't know about you, but I've always had an issue with heights. Every time I'm at a high altitude, my body doesn't feel safe, my heart starts pumping more blood and my brain says: FLIGHT! 

   Today I went to visit the city with my best friend from college and we decided to go up the Firemen's tower to see the city from above. As we were climbing the many stairs up to the roof we were both feeling scared. "Is it safe to be here? Is there any chance we'd fall?" we thought. But we kept going and going even if on the inside we were pretty startled. This is what "the flooding" is. You meet your fear and you fight with it even if you feel small and helpless. And at the end of the fight you realize, again, that you can do more than you thought you could. 

   It's interesting to observe how the brain reacts when you meet your fear and in the same time it's reassuring to find out that its reaction is normal. In my case, my brain says "I don't want to die. So be careful, better go away from here!" 

   Today I didn't listen to it and I'm happy I didn't because at the top of the stairs there was a spectacular view that was worth fighting for. Yeah, I needed a little time trying to talk myself into feeling safe but in the end I'm proud to have won this fight:) 

Day 182. Unplugged

   I don't know about you, but I think too much. I think before sleeping, while trying to sleep, after waking up and still in bed, on the way to work and so on and so forth. I just wish my dad was right.    

   Once upon a day when I was little and trying to sleep, he told me how sleep happens: "our brain is like a big room full of plugs", he said. "And little ants in that room unplug everything before you sleep. They shut it down." (Even if we all know our brain isn't dead while sleeping it seemed pretty accurate at the time). Well, I want the same, but during the day:) I wish I had the ability to unplug myself from thinking too much. I wish I'd just be there completely and stop analyzing little details that don't matter so much. I wish I'd just take things as they come and let them solve themselves... the little ones, I mean. I'm just too OCD sometimes: wanting to control everything around me and be sure I'm prepared for any kind of situation I might face. It tires me. I wish I'd just be there and then and not the girl who knows it all, who's thought about it all. Ok, I might have various solutions to a problem or I might find solutions faster when I have to because I'm training my brain every day, but sometimes you just want some peace. You just wanna fall asleep in minutes, not in half an hour:)

Day 73. Lovestruck

   I looked up the title in the urban dictionary. It fits perfectly for how I felt today. Not related to a person, though. It's related to the amazing, beautiful clock in the picture above. I met "him" in a hypermarket here in my town and I fell in love with it. I knew I had to get it. The price was extremely convenient as well but then... I took a minute and I started thinking: "Where would I put it? It doesn't fit with the rest of my room. It doesn't necessarely fit in my office at the kindergarten. I don't have my own place yet... It would definitely fit in a romantic kitchen with lots of plants. Nevertheless, I don't own that kitchen yet." So I eventually decided I had to break up with the idea of purchasing the clock. I had regrets and I've been thinking about it ever since I left the store... I still really want to have it. I can't explain why. I just know I do... and one day I will have it.

   This happens to us all the time. Walking around window shopping and suddenly laying our eyes on something extraordinary. That's when we know we're lovestruck. And we can't rest until we buy that amazing thing. Do we really need it right then? Of course we don't. But something inside us is yelling: "That's ME, that's exactly what I would pick if I looked for that. I want it! I want it now!" And maybe there should't be any second thoughts because it's so rear the chance when you find something as extraordinary as that. Be it shoes, accesories, clothes, books, decorations, furniture or many other things. 

   If you take the decision to follow your brain instead of your heart, just like when you fall for a person, your heart won't rest until you get what you want. So, forget the brain and follow your heart. You probably won't find that particular thing when you'll be looking for it and having the chance of finding it all of a sudden, when you least expect... that gotta be destiny:)

Day 72.Big Brother

   Even if we don't think about it very often or even if we don't like to admit it, we're always under careful supervision. Our brain helps us make our first impression about someone in a matter of seconds so it's enough to simply pass by someone on the street. You're immediately framed and put in a category. And then, there are people around you who know you from different places. And they're watching you. Your every move. They want to be like you or they want to be different. 

   We're never alone. The others are watching and many of them are also judging.

   Never judge someone by their appearance. Learn to know their soul first and then decide if you want to be around or not:) Prepare to be surprised!:)