Sunshine, rainbows and butterflies

Dear diary,

   We're surrounded by negativity every day. Me, more than others. And I feel the need to actively push it away and surround myself with positivity instead. So that's why I love a good sunny day, a rainbow after a summery storm or a colorful place when I see it. I breathe art, I live through it and it's the most important thing that keeps me going. So no, dear teacher from Psychology University, I believe you're not right in saying weather doesn't influence us and that it's all in our head and our own interpretation. I am very much influenced by it and a ray of sunshine after a whole cloudy day can make my day, a colorful notebook or that perfect green dress that I saw behind a window do change my day in so many ways I can't even tell you. I don't know how it happens, but I just know it does. How else would you explain color therapy or music therapy working with the same effects as your cognitive therapy on patients all over the world? 

   So, dear diary, I want to choose what I believe in and I wanna have MY OWN religion. I do appreciate people's opinions and some of them are applicable but I will go on as a dreamer and a beautiful artist who loves her own little bubble and who is thrilled every time she sees other artists like her out there. I'm not alone and I feel so good to know there are others like me in the midst of all these realistic people who know what I should do to be happy. Nope, they don't. They know what would make THEM happy, but we're so different so why not accept our differences and celebrate them supporting each other every time we're happy about something? :) In the end, feeling understood and valued is what we all need to be really happy.

Feeling wise,

D.

Day 355. Forever ago

   Today I accidentally plunged in my past and I noticed it didn't hurt so I decided to swim deeper and deeper. It made me realize how much I miss a dear friend I lost contact with, how much things have changed around during the past 5 years and I ended up asking myself if I had changed as well. 

   So I called my best friend over to take a look at our life then (during high school teenage years when we were desk mates) and now (when we're already employed emerging adults). It was kinda difficult for me to remember past experiences so way back because once I closed that book and forgot it on a shelf in the attic I only remembered closer experiences from university. So I had to go back to the attic and dig for the lost book. Then I started comparing. Then and Now. Now and Then. 

   You'd say the result is expected. Kinda like textbook development. I still like the same general things, just that now I know exactly which ones and how I like them to be. Take psychology for example. Back in high school I started being interested in the field and I knew I wanted to become a psychologist because I loved listening to people. Now I am practicing it but I'm a school psychologist not a clinical therapist because I realized I love kids more than anything and that therapy is way more complicated than it seemed back then:) 

   You could say my search has been refined and now not only than I know exactly who I am and what I'm looking for, but I'm also in a stable relationship for 4 years. So THEN was all about exploring options and NOW is all about a single road I chose to follow. I love photography, writing, English and people. That's who I am and that's who I'm always gonna be:) I didn't change, I just evolved. I got out of my cocoon and now I'm flying around as a beautiful butterfly:) 

Day 327. Another day to remember

   This is the day. The day when all studying ends and we try to convince other people that we know what psychology is about. We let them come into our world and hope they will like it enough to give us a high mark and let us enjoy the next year of our life in a good workplace. 

   That's what teachers do. They take an exam each year and hope for the best. They get ready for it for months, so that's how friends and family forget how they look like. They all can't wait for it to be over. And one day, today, the loop ends. Anxiety is coming to the surface and worrying thoughts swim across the mind. Teachers don't know what lays ahead of them, they just hope for the best. And then something happens. Something that changes their day.

 

   I wasn't nervous this morning. Not because I studied hard and I was confident or because I received the opportunity to work in the same kindergarten next year... but because of her. The wise music teacher. One of the examination supervisors. One that knew psychology better than we did and that had to lose it all to reach wisdom and be able to teach others how to cool down and laugh their stress away before a big exam. One that gave us a life lesson. 

   We had to wait for a whole hour before the exam and in that time she took our minds off of it. We were no longer in a foreign class, in a foreign school, waiting for the exam subjects to be delivered to us. We were attending an awesome course about happiness. She told us that the key to happiness isn't getting attached to the people around us. Happiness is loving and setting them free. Free to be themselves, not the ones we expect them to be. And, among others, she reminded me that when we want something, we should believe in getting it and ask for it with all our heart. And it shall be given to us because of our faith:) 

   So when the subjects came in, I bet all of us asked to have an easy exam and get a high mark:) It's funny how we needed to meet this woman to psychologically prepare us for an exam on psychology:)  And it's awesome that we did. Cos in the end when the subjects came in we were all confident that we could be the best version of ourselves right there, on that paper, and I donno about the others, but I enjoyed that exam. Some interesting ideas popped in my mind, some that might pleasantly impress the teacher reading my paper, the same ones that made me smile during the exam because that teacher changed my life and I needed her there. I needed her to tell me that attachment is not love and that love is setting people free from our expectations:) I was already in that battle with myself lately and her verbalizing it meant I took the right decision.

   Everything does happen for a reason:)

Day 227. Promises

  In life there are promises we make to others and promises we make to ourselves. How many times did you promise to be determined and cut the sweets for a while, eat more veggies and exercise? How many times did you really do it? 

   Being a Psychology student I learned to understand that change isn't that easy. That first you have to flirt with the idea, then think about putting it into practice in some months and then really getting to it. Well, today I promised to myself this time I WILL do it. I'll cut the sweets. At first I was brave and said "for a month" but we all know big changes aren't made all of a sudden, so I'm taking it slow: "for a week" should be a good start. My strategy? I hid all the bars I received for my birthday. Not seeing them helps a lot! 

   Let's get this straight. I'm not doing it because I think I'm fat. It's just that lately I've let myself indulge with too much chocolate and I feel I should take a better control of things. Since everybody's talking about how bad sweets really are for our health I'm doing it as an experiment, a game of strength, to see if I can make it. If everything goes well and I do see some changes I'm willing to extend the period. 

   I even monitored drinking 2l of water today. Weeks ago I thought that would be impossible but today I told myself AGAIN: "you can do more than you think you can". And I could indeed! 

   So day 1 went by pretty ok, even though I admit I had moments when I was reaaaally tempted to postpone the beginning of the process. Yet, when I set my mind to something, I do it... so I WILL keep this promise:) 

Therefore, see you in a week;) 

Day 104. The other me

   Today I replaced a teacher in the kindergarten for some hours so it was like "a different job day" trying to see if this suits me. Well, I knew I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher since 11th grade but I let myself go with the flow and took the psychology path. Today I remembered how much I would have loved that job too:) To be the one teaching the kids all sorts of things, the one that dances with them, plays with them, colors and sings with them, that's just wonderful:) I enjoyed every moment and I even got two "I love you, Dana!"s and a "wow, she's not shouting at us, she's actually letting us play!" so I guess I did my "job" right:D 

   The day ended with watching "The night before Christmas" and while I was watching them... I felt at peace. That very moment I felt the pieces were in the right place. I'm happy I had the chance to be their teacher:)