The doors

Dear diary,

   I've been thinking about a new concept that came to my mind for a while now. I find it interesting how the important people in our life unlock different doors inside us. It's like we're all wonderful castles that carry their stories of the past with them... some happy, some sad, but all as important to the beauty and the mystery of the castle.
   As castles, we all gather bits and pieces of information that has been given to us and we keep it in different rooms along the time. And when the right person approaches the castle, it enters it and it finds a new key that leads to a new room. A room with wonders and unexpected beauty. With secret books they never knew existed but which apparently were always there. 

   New people open new rooms of the beautiful castle and in the end the whole building will be open to visit for it has reached the age of wisdom when it can give forward what it has received over so many years. 

   How wonderful can it be to know that at an unexpected moment, an unexpected visitor will open up a new room in your beautiful castle, a room that will be a wonder for both the visitor and for the castle itself!:)

In wonder,

D.

Christmas Past, Present and Future

   Dear diary,

   It's Christmas day again. That time of the year when I'm filled with both sadness and joy: sadness cos I can't believe a whole year has passed already and joy because I can witness the most wonderful time of the year again:) The one I was looking forward to since January, the same one that allows me to be a kid no matter the age. 

   This year's been different for me, though. The Advent calendar changed the whole equation and brought more magic in my life. I never thought something so small and humble could do such a difference:) The planning and crafting and then the daily tasks... it definitely put me in the Christmas mood! I used to be sad, bored, or worried. The Advent calendar wiped away all of that and it replaced it with enthusiasm, anticipation and joy. I'm almost on the verge of crying because I realize today's the last day of this special gift called Advent. Such a terrific thing, involving so much dedication, passion and love, more than you thought you had, more than you thought you could give away. The Advent makes you a crafter, a loving, nurturing and thoughtful being. Everybody should experience it: giving and receiving love in the most innocent way possible:)

   The past Christmases have been beautiful, as long as I was a child. Then it all turned into a must and it somehow lost its feeling while growing up. This year I feel mature enough to know how to make the difference and how to keep the spirit alive: it all comes down to letting yourself enjoy the little things. Live Christmas exactly like kids do. And that's what the Advent brought along:) I'm sure the future Christmases will be just as beautiful as this one: with love, peace, joy, family, friends and a lot of creativity (Advent included). Because in the end that's what makes the difference. Letting yourself be a kid no matter the age while celebrating the birth of the most miraculous child on Earth:) 

   I know... it didn't snow this year. But I brought snow inside:) And now, happiness is all around. In my eyes and in the eyes of everyone who gazed at my Christmas tree. What more could I wish for?

Feeling the Christmas magic,

D.

Day 355. Forever ago

   Today I accidentally plunged in my past and I noticed it didn't hurt so I decided to swim deeper and deeper. It made me realize how much I miss a dear friend I lost contact with, how much things have changed around during the past 5 years and I ended up asking myself if I had changed as well. 

   So I called my best friend over to take a look at our life then (during high school teenage years when we were desk mates) and now (when we're already employed emerging adults). It was kinda difficult for me to remember past experiences so way back because once I closed that book and forgot it on a shelf in the attic I only remembered closer experiences from university. So I had to go back to the attic and dig for the lost book. Then I started comparing. Then and Now. Now and Then. 

   You'd say the result is expected. Kinda like textbook development. I still like the same general things, just that now I know exactly which ones and how I like them to be. Take psychology for example. Back in high school I started being interested in the field and I knew I wanted to become a psychologist because I loved listening to people. Now I am practicing it but I'm a school psychologist not a clinical therapist because I realized I love kids more than anything and that therapy is way more complicated than it seemed back then:) 

   You could say my search has been refined and now not only than I know exactly who I am and what I'm looking for, but I'm also in a stable relationship for 4 years. So THEN was all about exploring options and NOW is all about a single road I chose to follow. I love photography, writing, English and people. That's who I am and that's who I'm always gonna be:) I didn't change, I just evolved. I got out of my cocoon and now I'm flying around as a beautiful butterfly:) 

Day 339. That weird feeling

   Today I had that weird feeling again. Supermarkets are ready for school so they're promoting school supplies now. So every time I go in a supermarket these days I run into them. 

  The weird feeling comes from seeing the amazing variety of schoolbags, notebooks, pencil cases and other things pupils need for school. They all make me melancholic. Back in my time we didn't have all these amazing school supplies. Many times we didn't even have cool options to choose from so I kinda envy pupils and it makes me miss being in school. But then I remember I had a happy childhood and a happy adolescence still, even without having so many cool things. So I guess that's what counts in the end: traveling through life in a constant state of happiness and looking ahead with hope knowing you made peace with your past. And how does that happen?

Day 331. Fearless

   It's funny how we're built up to be the strongest and the weakest version of ourselves all in the same person. It all depends on how we interpret things, our past experiences and if others seem weaker than us. Then we embrace the strong version of ourselves and we want to lift that person up. And somehow the next day we will be the weak one needing to be lifted up too. Interesting... 

   Everything starts and ends with the brain:) As much as you'd like to think that events around you influence what you feel, it's never like that. And one of the reasons that brings up the worst in us is thinking about the future and the fact that we can't control it. Then panicking happens. I'm asking you though:

   Funny how that comes from the person who usually worries about stuff. See? Today I'm the strong one. For two of my best friends needed to be lifted up. We do worry because we take into consideration the possibility that it won't be ok. And then we ask ourselves: "What am I going to do then? What if I lose everything and I will be alone? How am I going to cope with that?" But in those fearful times we forget to remember that:

   Yes, you might lose your friends but then you have your family. You might lose your family but then you have your friends. And if you lose your boyfriend/girlfriend, there's always best friends and they never go away:) That's why they're best friends. And even IF you lose everything, believe me, you WILL find the power to go on and everything will be ok. Just fight for what you want and never give up. Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end:) Simple as that.

Day 324. The rough change

   From time to time we face our three fears: the fear of our haunting past, the fear of our uncertain present and the fear of our lonely and unfulfilled future. 

     The meeting is always rough and it hurts like hell but at some point we must look them in the eye and start chatting like old buddies for they are the ones that stop us from moving on with a smile on our face knowing that everything will be ok. 

   Sure, we hate the mistakes we've made in the past, but they made us better. We have no idea if our present friends are the real ones we'll have our whole life but sometimes we gotta let them go and see if they come back. We can't predict the future on the long term. We don't even know what tomorrow brings, but we gotta remember "today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday" and that we figured it out after all.

   So, let's accept our past mistakes cos we didn't know better, let some  of our friends go and see if they come back and stop worrying about tomorrow. Everything WILL be ok, no matter how many friends, money or things we will have. It's the inner peace we need. So we gotta stop and make a change of thought. 

  

Day 316. Inked

   Every tattoo has its own story. And we all wear one everywhere we go. Be it a big one or a small one, a cute one or a fiery one. Somewhere hidden or in plain sight. Shameful or with pride. We're all inked for life and we can't erase our tattoo no matter how much we want it some days. Though, we can look at it and learn. Learn that life has to go on no matter what. And that we're braver and more powerful than we thought. 

   So let's wear our tattoo with pride. Let's show the world that we're at peace with our past and ready to step, fearless, into the future.

Day 260. The right time

    "There's a right time for everything:

A right time for birth and another for death,

A right time to plant and another to reap,

A right time to destroy and another to construct,

A right time to cry and another to laugh,

A right time to lament and another to cheer,

A right time to make love and another to abstain,

A right time to embrace and another to part,

A right time to search and another to count your losses,

A right time to hold on and another to let go,

A right time to rip out and another to mend,

A right time to shut up and another to speak up."

(Eclesiastes 3:2-8)

    Today I realized that every period of human development has its own normal features even if they seem weird for the others: you can't blame a hungry child for being noisy, a teenager for feeling misunderstood or an adult for being overly protective with his child. 

   Also, I understood that no matter how much you want to move forward when you're a kid or backwards when you're an adult, trying to live in the future or in the past is of no use. You won't understand adults when you're a teenager nor will you understand teenagers when you're an adult. So why try to be somewhere else than the present? You know what they say. Learn from the past and hope for the future. Re-living the past periods won't make you wiser. It will only confuse you. So let go and come back where you belong. There's a right time for everything.  

  

Day 253. Looking back

   Today I realized that sometimes facing or simply thinking about our past brings up sadness. 

   It's all about the unresolved issues with ourselves or with the others. That's why we often try to avoid the unsettling past and find distractions to direct us to the future. And it's only natural if you think that it wasn't always our fault that things ended the way they did. The worst part is when you know you can't do anything to make peace with that person and just move on being at peace with yourself. In this situation you don't have many options. 

   So even if all the ride home I was sad about some mistake I've done in the past, I now know that as much as I'd want to I can't do anything to undo it. Thus, I'm redirecting my attention towards the bright present and the bright future. Because in the end "it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are our friends -- they help us to grow."

Day 177. The good old past

   People always say that the past haunts you, that it's bad and that you have to stop thinking about it and move forward towards the future. But little do they know that the good old past can remind you who you really are and can help you find missing links when you have those moments wondering "Who am I and what am I doing here?" 

   Today I felt happy because I could catch up with my good old TV shows and I laughed my ass off with my favorite characters. I had forgotten how good those TV shows were. When you're caught up in the go-to-work-come-home circle you sometimes lack the time to enjoy your usual habits... and today I could do just that. And that's how I realized the present me can embrace the past me and enjoy life together. Because life isn't starting again every morning, it's a mere sequel of a lot of yesterdays:) And I like the choices I made yesterday. So here's to the good old past:)

Day 68. The best years

"The best years of our lives are the ones we didn't live yet."

   I read this quote today in the amazing book I'm reading on the bus (Call from an angel - Guillaume Musso) and it made me smile:) Many times we find ourselves longing for the past, wishing for it to come back to life thinking that it was definitely better than the present. We all know they say present is a gift and we should cherish it, but I never thought the best is yet to come:) 

   We've all had good years and those are the ones we daydream about when our rollercoaster is going down, but instead, we should close our eyes, breathe and tell ourselves the best is yet to come:) That's how we know the ride is going up again, that's what keeps us alive:) 

Day 13. Immersed in the past

Wow! I LOVED the surprise life gave me today! I had to attend a meeting for the school psychologists and we gathered in the Festive Hall of a high school. I could have never expected SUCH a festive hall! My dear God, it was like I stepped into another world, a classy world of the past. I loved everything in there: the windows and their curtains, the elegant chairs, the cuckoo clock and most of all, the chandeliers<3 The finishing touch was a beautiful quote hanging on a wall, a quote by my favourite priest (and also the wisest): Bartolomeu Anania. So I chose to upload 2 photos today. Only because you HAVE to see the quote as well!:)