Dreamers

   Dear diary,

      Will we ever learn? Or will we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? 

   Will we ever choose the important over the urgent? The need over the want? Tomorrow over now? Will we choose right? 

   I'm back to square one because I chose now over tomorrow (again). And things might get out of control. But I'm telling myself they don't have to go exactly how I planned them. That I can always change, twist and bend to make it okay in the end and that my friends and family can help when everything else fails. Yep. I should remember that. I donno why they keep teaching us to succeed by ourselves. We're never alone, like they say. Not when we're born, nor when we die. 

   In the end, I guess we're dreamers who enjoy breaking the rules. Ones who know tomorrow might never come. Isn't life short anyhow? So why not take advantage of it while we still can? Why not make mistakes and challenge ourselves to fix them afterwards?:) It can be a useful process. 

With love,

The one who thinks she has everything under control 

and is always mistaken

P.S. I decided to stop making a schedule about when to write. I'll try to make it once a week, but nothing's final. I want my memories to be powerful, not just any random thing that happens. So, I guess you understand.

Day 315. Lonely or alone

   I'm confused. Did you ever experience being a while alone with yourself and feel like missing some people that are usually around you and when you do meet them again remember how much you loved being alone?:) It happened to me today. 

   Do we get used to the people in our life like we do with objects? Do we need their presence because we're used to having them around or because we want them around? Hmmm... and what do you do when you realize you don't really like being around some people in your life? You just leave them? "Goodbye, we've known each other for so long, but I'm leaving now"? What if they're family? Hmmm? You move out instantly? ... See? I'm confused... I guess missing them in the first place means you care about them so you don't give up on a friendship or family just like that. Yeah, we don't like everything about our friends or family, but we do have to accept them as they are and remember that we should...

   So I guess I should chill and take it as a normal phase of our existence:) Yep, that's what I'm gonna do:)

Day 289. The choice of feeling lonely

   That awkward moment when you want to go to a music festival but there's nobody to go with. 
   Most of my friends are studying for finals and the others are doing something else. So what now? Choose to go there alone and feel weird surrounded by couples or groups or stay at home and feel weirder for not going since you want it so much? Choices like this one make my life complicated. Thank God for the rain that made my choice easier:) 

   See? Sometimes we need external forces to choose for us. Sometimes we're just not strong enough to say "I want this. And I will get it no matter what." And it's weird because...

   So next time I'll follow my instinct and stop depending on people. Next time I'll choose ME.