365 days project 2. Day 58. Flowers just bloom

   We compare ourselves to the others every single day. And not for the better. We don't learn from them. Not all the time. Rather we see what they have and we don't, be it looks, wealth, power, social position and so on. We want what they have and we start longing for a better life, a happier existence, an improved version of ourselves that we will never become. 

   

   Flowers don't care that they are merely daisies when colorful, fragrant, imposing roses live next door. Or that most people buy tulips. Or that peonies and poppies are all over the internet when they bloom because their life is so short and condensed it has to be remembered. Nope. Daisies just bloom, doing what they know best. Shouldn't we do the same?

   We're not perfect. We don't have the perfect, flawless personality, the perfect life and the perfect career. What if we start accepting ourselves and our life just the way it is right now and enjoy what we have? 

   You want more? Work hard until you get it but when you reach your goal stop and ask yourself "Is this really making me happy or is it an illusion so that I would look good in other people's eyes?" 

   We're not perfect so let's stop worrying and start blooming :) 

365 days project 2. Day 48. Perfect-ation

   Being a parent is very hard. The hardest job you ever take on. I don't have to be a parent to realize that. Working with them daily for the past 4 years helped me know them very well by now. And this is what I saw:

  Generally, parents want the best for their kids. Many of them want their children to do what they couldn't do, have what they couldn't have and all in all, have a better life than they had growing up. Everything sounds very good in theory but practice is very difficult. 

   As a parent, when you want your child to have a better life than yours, you will have the tendency to force him to do things he might not want to because you already played this game called life and you know the stages. If you do so, not only you are forcing him to go in a certain direction and you forget to be mindful of what he wants, but you will also have sky high expectations of him. And when you want him to be perfect, he will fail. He will fall and he will break and he will break you. Because flowers might be perfect but people will never get there. 

   So, as long as parents have perfection expectations of their kids and they treat them like their favorite toys and not human beings with their own will, needs and desires, everybody's life will be harder. Not to mention, kids might grow up and become something their parents wanted but not what they wanted. Who's going to suffer more? The parent or the child? What about both?

   Parents want the best for their kids. But they tend to forget their children have their own personality, their own desires and that they are not identical copies of them. This is the trickiest challenge parents have to overcome. If they do that, their kids won't be perfect, but they will surely be happy :) And when you're happy, who cares you're not perfect? :)

Note to self: Read this again when you become a parent yourself!

365 days project 2. Day 33. People and apples

   I could start with "This was my big, fat, Romanian-Canadian wedding" but instead I choose to start like this:

   People are so colourful and they have so many shapes... still same needs, same habits, same lifestyles. I love watching people. Especially when I am waiting for a bus or when I am sitting on a terrace in a new town.

   I think people are like apples: some are unripe, others are ripe and others are rotten. But it is up to us to take the rotten apples out of our basket and surround ourselves with the best  apples. So choose to surround yourself with awesome people, happy people, people who make you want to grow and then you will have a long, happy and healthy life! Sure, there will be some of "those days" when everything will seem off and you will think you hate people and you would want to move to Mars so you could be all by yourself. Accept those days will happen and just let them pass by and look on the bright side of your life. It might sound very difficult but remember: it is up to you to take the rotten apples out of your basket. This doesn't mean you have to be rude or judge them. Just let them be and avoid them as much as you can. 

   Our wedding was the most amazing wedding I could ever imagine for myself! And it happened like this because of the amazing apples we had in our basket... all the best people in our life, everyone who came from hundreds or thousands of kilometers away because they WANTED to be there. And this is what made it so special. Not only did we choose them but they also chose us. And it was perfect.
   The last month before the wedding was hectic but also very successful. The whole process we had to go through to get married brought a lot of tears to my eyes over the past months but the fact we succeeded to register to get married was also the reason why I was so utterly happy and relaxed on the wedding day. Yes, you have to Work Hard to get married and to have a dreamy wedding but it is all worth it when you see your dream accomplished and people having the time of their lives at the wedding. I had high expectations of myself. People had high expectations of me and of this wedding and I felt that it lived up to all the expectations. I didn't do it all alone. I had the best helpers I could ask for. All the right apples. And this is how you turn your dream to reality :)

   I told you. I love people watching. And I choose to see the ripe apples, the beautiful ones. The rest don't matter to me. Do you want to do the same?

Perfectly imperfect

Dear diary,

   Everything that happened around me lately helped me realize how imperfect we all are, how afraid we are to not meet expectations, worried about an uncertain grown up future, angry knowing we don't own everything we want, sad thinking everybody judges us. We're truly our own biggest enemies. We are the ones who stop ourselves from reaching daily happiness by allowing all the negative emotions make room in our mind. We're living in a constant fear, we love and grow dependent of the ones we love, forgetting that we have to love ourselves first in order to have a basic happy life. 

   Today I didn't wear any makeup while going to work and I still smiled. I inhaled the fresh air, watched the birds chirping, the sun rays reaching me through fresh green trees, colorful people walking to work and I smiled again saying "You know what? I'm beautiful just the way I am. And today I love myself." It was such an important start of a good day. I focused on watching happy people pass me by, I imagined their happy little lives and I told myself again the mantra of a wise friend I adopted last night: "I'm not happy all the day, but I'm happy every day." And so I shall. I will accept that I am perfect in my imperfection and I will allow myself to have good days and bad days, cooking experiments gone wild and tears now and then. Because it's all natural. But I will focus on the negative side less and less... and when the world seems too hard to bear, I'll call a friend and bear it together. Cos two is always better than one.

Sunny and proud,

D.

Day 237. There's always a first

   Today I celebrated my first "International Workers' Day" as a... worker!:) 

   The last years I didn't quite understand its meaning since I was just a student but this year came with pride. The pride of knowing I contribute to society and that I get my own salary which brings me stability and independence, the pride of freedom. 

   My friends and I had a great time between showers of rain. Walking in the forest was a blessing and laying on my back while feeling the raindrops falling down on me made me feel perfection. Right there, right then. Another movie moment:)

   Life is full of "first moments" and the beauty of it is enjoying those moments with your loved ones. Today I did just that and it felt awesome.

   

Day 99. Be careful what you wish for

   Weeks ago I wished for snow. I wanted it so badly because I wanted everything to be perfect (like I usually do. Bad Dana!). I wanted a true winter, not just a wannabe winter, so here I have it. There's snow everywhere and I am thankful for that but... it's SOOO cold. Of course that by a mysterious chance I got a flu (again). So I decided I should be more careful with what I wish for. In the end it's not the first time I get hit in the face by my own wishes coming true. 

Day 54. Perfection vs Excellence

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." 

Vince Lombardi 

   I've always been a perfectionist. My father instilled it into me. Always to take the highest grade, to study and be the best, to make the best out of everything. I bet some of you have been raised the same. 

   Today I met someone just like me and I remembered how even now, while being a psychologist, I still want to make everything perfect. I am aware I can't being still at the beginning but I can't help feeling disappointed with myself from time to time because I know I could do better but I don't know how. 

   The lack of experience in the working field makes me have a low self esteem (and it hurts like hell) but the good thing is that I never give up. I want to know more, to get better. Maybe this is the case for reaching excellence:) So maybe, just maybe wanting perfection is a good thing. 

   Nevertheless, there are some irrational thoughts behind and I KNOW they have to be put away, but boy, that's so hard... 

Note to self: You'll never be able to reach perfection so just settle for doing your best with what you have:)