Hang in there!

Dear diary,

   I probably told you this before, but now and then I keep having a deep sense of helplessness when I'm at work. I realized that my first year in the kindergarten was very different to this one (the third). Back then I was full of desire, hope and will to change the world/the kindergarten into a better place and help all the needy kids. Now I know I can actually change only 1% of what I wanted back then and that makes me feel really useless sometimes. 

   It's hard to see yourself willing to help but facing the resistance of the parents who don't want to cooperate or are absolutely convinced that their kids are perfectly fine. Just as tough is to see how many kids have permissive parents who let them have everything they want without any rule or boundary. So then, when they come to the kindergarten we face really difficult kids who don't want to obey you at all and who always do the opposite of what they're told. I know, you might say we don't know how to act properly, but believe me, we've tried EVERYTHING and sometimes, in days like this you just collapse. 

   And little by little, I started resembling some of my fellow coworkers' way of thinking. They left the educational system in favor of opening their own private practice because they realized that working in a kindergarten or school doesn't bring you the satisfaction you wished for at first. I don't seriously consider leaving the system yet, but it's funny how in the first year I wouldn't understand them, and now I feel exactly the same. It's very, very tough to be a psychologist that isn't listened to and even harder to be a teacher. It takes all the patience you have and a great deal of work done with yourself in lowering your expectations regarding the kids and their families. 

    But then again, there are days like TODAY, when everything went smoothly. I had great activities with the kids, they were all very involved, willing to cooperate and full of love and for a second there I thought that I might not be changing the whole world, but 1% is a good start.

   So, there you have it. My huge smile today from morning to evening, everywhere I went. I really had a great day and I needed to remind myself that I should hang in there because life has its ups and downs and we all have good days and bad days and I should just keep doing what I love without expecting so much from myself or... the world :)

   By the way, Oliver and I are moving in together this weekend and I've been packing my stuff for a month now. I never believed I own SO MANY THINGS and SO MANY BOOKS. It's all very exciting and I can't wait to tell you all about the move and what comes after :)

Still smiling,

D.

Quilling, my love

Dear diary,

   I always secretly loved quilling. But I never showed it. I was impressed by how skillful artists have to be in order to produce something so beautiful and interesting just by twisting paper. I thought it would be really hard and you needed some special talent to be able to create something like that. So I decided to just admire it and wish that one day I would be skillful enough to learn how to create something so magical myself. Later on more and more people around me would start getting into this beautiful hobby. So I decided to gather my strengths and get into it myself. I had to make a card for someone but I knew nothing about quilling so I literally took a baby step because my first creation was a little heart (cute, huh?) and it turned out something like this:

Then, after having watched "How to" quilling movies on Youtube I realized it's all waaay easier than I expected. And you don't even have to create everything in your head. You can take examples from the internet and produce them your way. So, I started making Birthday cards for dear people around me:

   Now, the quilling fever got to me so much that a day without creating something feels like a lost day. So I'm looking forward for the next occasion I'll have to create something for someone. I know people usually practice and practice at this stage, but I'm more motivated by real commissions:) 

   So this is how, my dear diary, my spring got a whole new spin and how I added a new crafty hobby on my list :)

Crafty as ever,

D.

 

I want you to know

   On this sunny October day I want you to know that life is never perfect, but it's always beautiful.

   That it goes on no matter how hard the journey might seem. You'll need your friends to ease that up, but you can make it.

    That you always have options. Even when you think you don't.

   That people don't change, their needs do. And sometimes there's nothing you can do to make them happy anymore. But that only means your job there is done and you have to go somewhere else and make other people happy.

   That when you're sure something will happen, life takes you by surprise and you have to move on with it... or you'll be left behind. 

   That things never last for a lifetime but they can be fixed. Or replaced.

   That people want you to listen and you want them to listen as well. Do that by taking turns or you'll end up in a mess you created yourself.

   That great effort is always rewarded. If not by others at least by yourself. You'll feel awesome!

   That you'll want your days to be longer but they'll always seem too short. Pick whatever will help you say "What an awesome day!" when you go to sleep.

   That you won't understand everything that happens to you. But you don't have to. Accept everything that comes in your life. There will be times when you'll be frustrated, but remember, there's a lesson for you at every corner.

    That you can always find a reason to be grateful. You just have to close your eyes and think.

   That there are hundreds or thousands of books written exactly for you that are waiting to be discovered. Look for them and they'll reveal themselves to you.

   That lost time doesn't come back so think about leaving something behind. Memories, photos, diaries. Record your life somewhere. You'll be thankful to rediscover it in some years.

   That money don't bring happiness. It's all in your head. You can craft or recycle instead of buying. Just use your imagination.

   That people need to be reminded how important they are to you. So let them know. 

   That if you want something, want it badly and it will come true. Be careful what you wish for, though. 

   That fear, guilt and anger will only bring bad consequences. Be at peace with yourself and with others. 

    That life is worth being explored, enjoyed, lived to the fullest. So do it! Do it now!:)

Day 22. Optimism

   Even though today it rained almost all day I gazed at one of the most beautiful sunrises I've seen:) The sun was rising so carefree not minding the gloomy clouds above. I liked that. It was something like "If you're optimistic, no matter how hard the times will be, you can go through." 

   We should learn something from everything we see around us. Sometimes the details count more than the bigger picture.