365 days project 2. Day 75. My artistic journey

   Yesterday I told you how art saved me from being bored. Now I want to tell you how I grew to love art and what I discovered today:)

   My artistic journey started when I was a teenager... mmm... around 14. I was writing poems. They were veeeery cheesy and somehow childish. But they were me. And I loved writing them. In highschool I was advised to start a profile on deviantART to exhibit my photography and I'm very proud to say that is when my artistic path has really started flourishing. I learned so much from various artists on that website and I feel I grew very much. I loved macro and landscape photography and I experimented a lot with those two fields. At the end of high school I started writing short prose. Then during university I attended a literary circle and I improved my writing skills. That was another wonderful phase. I learned to appreciate literature and my writings. I learned to trust my inner feeling and to just write about anything that feels worthy sharing. Later on I tried making my own earrings, I was into quilling and lately I am very inspired to paint. 

   And that's how I got to today when I wanted to surprise a good friend who loves panda bears. I've never painted them before and I needed some practice but I am pretty happy with the result. I discovered while practicing painting that art is not about following rules like maths. Art is about feeling not about precision, it's important to set yourself free and just paint with your soul and then the hand will do the rest. I didn't know I would ever be passioned about painting, but you live and learn. And art will always find a way to express itself in creative people. Who knows what's next? I can't wait to be surprised :)

Dreamers

   Dear diary,

      Will we ever learn? Or will we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? 

   Will we ever choose the important over the urgent? The need over the want? Tomorrow over now? Will we choose right? 

   I'm back to square one because I chose now over tomorrow (again). And things might get out of control. But I'm telling myself they don't have to go exactly how I planned them. That I can always change, twist and bend to make it okay in the end and that my friends and family can help when everything else fails. Yep. I should remember that. I donno why they keep teaching us to succeed by ourselves. We're never alone, like they say. Not when we're born, nor when we die. 

   In the end, I guess we're dreamers who enjoy breaking the rules. Ones who know tomorrow might never come. Isn't life short anyhow? So why not take advantage of it while we still can? Why not make mistakes and challenge ourselves to fix them afterwards?:) It can be a useful process. 

With love,

The one who thinks she has everything under control 

and is always mistaken

P.S. I decided to stop making a schedule about when to write. I'll try to make it once a week, but nothing's final. I want my memories to be powerful, not just any random thing that happens. So, I guess you understand.

Day 348. Rules are meant to be broken

   ... or at least bent. That's what they say. I know, it sounds rather teenagerish and rebellious to say that in a society that's based on rules, one than cannot survive without them. I am aware of the fact that the world would be a total chaos without rules or if we wouldn't stick to them, but from time to time if you get out of that shell and you go your way instead of their way, life suddenly seems way more interesting and exciting. No wonder, huh? 

   Yeah, I bent a rule today and I felt good. Then I felt guilty (of course). But after that I remembered I always stick to the rules and I follow them blindly. If there's someone who does that for a living, well, that's me. But today I chose not to. And boy it felt good. "Eating the forbidden fruit". Mmm. Just as exciting as when we're kids and we steal a French fry from mommy's plate. Just as exciting as when we're teens and we skip a class and go on the highest hill in the city with out classmates and we listen to "Sweet escape" while wildly running around playing tag. Mmm. The sweet feeling follows us everywhere. And it's just as sweet every time we bend a rule. 

   In the end, if you don't hurt anybody and if you don't cause others damage, I guess bending the rules from time to time can sparkle your life a little bit. And we all need sparkle, don't we?:) 

Day 329. Passengers

   We're all passengers on this planet. We don't know where we come from, where we're going or why we're here. We spend a lifetime trying to figure that out and some of us never do. Because most of the time we're so caught up in the web we create with everything we hear, everything we want and everything we can't achieve. 

   We're passengers that are brought up to obey. Obey the rules, obey the laws, obey older people who supposedly have a vast life experience. But they never think that we might want to act differently and write our own life motto instead of borrowing it from elders around us.

   We're passengers who influence one another without meaning to. Because in the end we're a bunch of cells who know how to multiply but don't know who they are or what love is. So we try to figure that out and it's taking us a while. We fall for the wrong people and we know it but we can't help it. We want to be accepted and validated so we change a bit for every group we want to belong to. We want to believe we're independent and we don't care about anything, but at the end of the day we all do. We care about our own good.

   We're passengers who like to think they're unique, but we're born to be the same. We all go through the same phases. It's our wild nature that sets us apart. Some follow it while others suppress it and go on obeying the rules. The same rules that are going to drive them nuts and make them question the purpose of life after so many failures. We, the others, decide we want to make our own rules. We have no idea why we're here but we do know that this is everything we've got for now. So we wanna live it all and enjoy it fully so that whenever the end is coming we can all claim: I've lived it all!

   We're all passengers who try to find the key to the universe. Some find it in art, others in science and others in religion. In the end, it doesn't even matter, as long as we're not staying idle:)

Day 273. Who am I?

   Is it possible to rediscover yourself in the middle of your life? To accidentally find something that's been there all the time but you haven't noticed? ... Hmm? Is that possible? 

   How come I haven't seen it until now? Oh, I know. I've been buried between rules, regulations and laws of all sorts. I've been blinded by the need of obeying them all. I don't know anybody who's as literal as I am when it comes to doing that. And I just realized I might have had something to lose. I might have just denied the real ME in all this situation. 

   I've always been the one THEY wanted me to be but I've never been too brave to admit that I might have been different. I was always the good girl who never wanted to stand out. The one everyone mocked and everyone tried to avoid. So where did that lead me? 

   Today I rediscovered lost bits and pieces of me. It's not something totally different than I am now since this is my personality and the temperament I was born with, but I discovered I have the ability to speak up my mind, and make myself heard. And I don't know why I haven't used that piece of information until now. I guess that's what limiting yourself means. And that's even worse than the limits they set for you:) 

   Oh well, better late than never. There's still time to accept this new part of me:) And I have a feeling it might come in handy sometime:)

Day 251. Ups and downs

   Life in a kindergarten is full of ups and downs. You'd say it has to be pretty easy to take care of some kids and teach them some basic stuff about life. If only...

   Today I reached bottom with a class of kids who didn't want to get involved in a contest I had prepared for them. It's not that it wasn't interesting, on the contrary. Each time someone wants to teach them something, they show no respect towards the teacher in front of them. They really behave like savages who are not aware that in a society there are rules that have to be obeyed. No matter how I tried to get their attention, there were always 2 or 3 children who messed everything up and dragged the other kids along with them. 

   I couldn't finish the activity today and I couldn't find any brilliant solution to solve this issue. I felt overwhelmed and it was one of moments when you feel you know so little and that hurts. But by the time I was pondering upon that, some other kids welcomed me in their class jumping on me, hugging me and telling me they love me. My heart melted and then I realized you can't solve all problems around you. Some take more than you can do. It's like wanting to turn a rotten apple into a perfect one. You just can't. All you have to do is accept the fact that you can't help them all. Some don't want to be helped. And the ones who did, begged me to go on with the contest and they are the ones I have to focus on. They make me believe my presence around them matters. But you can't make them all like you, Dana. Just let it go. 

Day 87. About gifts

   Gifts are such a sensitive theme to approach. Especially when you're not skilled in gift giving. Here are some rules that I thought about today while trying to find the perfect gift for a friend:

1. We should give presents for the right reason. Don't just do it because "you have to, cos it's his/her birthday" or "because he/she gave me something first". Do it because you WANT to. Because you want to make the other person happy. 

2. Then, find the right gift: something meaningful... not too pricey (we know you want to surprise him/her but don't just overdo it) nor too cheap (let's face it, you better handcraft something yourself than buying a cheap thing made in China). 

3. The right gift also involves knowing the person you're preparing it for. That's right. You have to know what he/she LIKES. If you don't know the person that well, ask for help. Ask his/her friends, family or colleagues. Just ask. Or search it on his/her FB page. It always shows a lot of things you might not be aware of. That's one of the benefits Facebook brings: knowing the others better. 

4. After you found a gift that the person might be happy about and you buy it be careful about wrapping it up nicely. We all like some extra attention on the details (ok, maybe just girls). Even if it's a small gift it will receive a better perspective if it has a beautiful wrapping:) 

5. If somehow you just can't find the right gift for someone, DON'T buy what YOU would like to receive. Bad, bad call! Exception: when you know the two of you have common passions. Otherwise, the person will only feel insulted. Be careful about the other person's feelings. It matters a lot:) 

6. Some people like useful gifts... something practical not something to stare at (like Christmas decorations). Others like handmade gifts. Be careful about that too.

   Gift giving might seem a tough job but it can turn into a challenging yet entertaining problem solving situation if we want to. One that helps us learn things about life and people.

   In my case it's fun. I admit it's hard at first if I don't know the person so well and I struggle a lot to find the perfect gift, but in the end I'm satisfied with the decision. 
   My friends and I played Secret Santa the other day so now I have a nice, new challenge ahead:) I can't wait to make my friend happy:)

   

Day 77. Pride and prejudice

   People are different and they each have their own opinions and their own tastes. We know that already. It's the weird strong beliefs that some people have that shocked me today. 
   I announced the kids the dance class was about to start when a little girl of about 4 years old became very upset and told me she didn't want to dance because her mom thinks "dance is such a stupid thing to do" and "our Lord doesn't like us to dance". 
   Can you imagine how many times that mother had to repeat those two sentences to that little girl so that she would strongly believe in it and behave accordingly? I know how christians are. I've been there, I've done that. And I still consider myself a christian, just not a fanatic one anymore. But doing this to a child is, in my opinion, destructive. It's one thing if YOU, the adult, believe something because of your experience and the influence some people had on you and it's another thing to force your little one to believe in the same things as you do, to set boundaries so tight that he couldn't be free anymore. 
   I bet that little girl has more rules than rights and I'm honestly sorry for that. Yes, you might say: "Why does it matter if she's happy like that? Why does it matter if her parents love her and give her everything she needs to grow up and be on her own?" You know, this beautiful life God gave us each is not only about the basic needs. It's also about discovering the outer world and setting your own particular rules to guide your life around. 
   I'm amazed some people can be like that when they say they believe in a loving God. Isn't it written in the same Bible we all believe in that “I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything but I will not be mastered by anything?" (1 Corinthians 6:12) It's the purpose you set that makes it a sin. How can a little child sin while dancing? How can dance therapy be a sin or even ballet? And how can someone get to be a dancer without jumping and dancing around the room since he was so little he could barely walk? There are many people in the world who would tell you that dancing saved their life when everything else was ruined.

   But in the end, it all comes down to pride and prejudice and it's a pitty. We should think twice before acting and even three times before telling our child to stop dancing because it's a stupid thing to do. He can't make his own decisions yet so why not let him explore and know the world first and only HELP him make good decisions?