365 days project 2. Day 73. Childhood memories

   Proust had a madeleine. I have a blue flower! :)  
   Today I walked to the bus station and I passed by some blue, summery flowers. And then I stopped. I turned around and I smiled. One second later the movie of my childhood was playing in my mind: the summer days in the countryside when grandma was baking delicious desserts for me and my brother, my grandpa was teaching us to play chess and later on we were all eating fresh and healthy food from the back garden. Those days will always be sunny in my mind... sunny and carefree. 

   It's so interesting how a madeleine in Proust's case or a blue flower in my case can bring back so many memories, isn't it? Mysterious are the ways of our wonderful brain! How amazing is that? Good, happy memories are always with us, hidden in forgotten drawers and ready to get out when we expect them the least. And isn't that exactly what can make our day? :)

The unexpected card

   "Close your eyes and pick one. Which one's gonna be? Now open them. Ta-raaaa!"
    Every day you pick a card from the deck. You have no idea what's waiting for you. You make plans and you know what the weather's gonna be like, but who knows if things are gonna go your way and not theirs?:)

   Maybe one day your card will bring you back to your childhood cos you'll eat the chocolate your uncle used to bring you when you were a kid, the yummiest thing ever. The next day your card might show you that you have to fight like an adult for what you want, make plans and organize and on the third day you might have to cancel them and play baby again cos you'll be sick and in need of affection. 

   My life's unexpected and I learned to like its ups and downs. But most of it, I like the fact that I have people around me who are willing to sing me "Soft kitty" when I'm sick and hug me as much as I need:) Yep, life takes me by surprise every day and yet I like this game. I wonder what tomorrow's card will bring:) 

Not a girl, not yet a woman

   School has officially started and I find myself caught in the middle of an emotional carousel: longing, melancholy, nostalgia all slowly mixed together in a tiny jar. 

   I go to work every morning and I see kids and teens going to school and I remember: I miss being in high school, being a student:) And this is when that universal saying comes true. When you're a kid all you want is to grow up already and by the time you're a grown up you just wanna go running back to childhood... or adolescence, as awkward as that might sound. 

   Yeah, sure, teenage period was kinda weird and difficult to handle because you want so many things but your hands are tied while you have no idea who you are and what you're actually looking for:) But man, that journey of discovering the world and myself was awesome! Having more friendships that I could handle, discovering photography and writing, learning that I love psychology. It all happened back then. And this is just the tip of the iceberg:) 

   I miss those times and as much as I know that every stage of life should be enjoyed for its particular benefits, I can't help myself, really:) I just see them so sleepy and confused, chatting out loud with their friends, taking life NOT seriously and it makes me smile:) I was once like them. And now I'm here. Who would have thought?:) 

   I used to love this expression while I was a teen: "not a girl, not yet a woman". Well, a woman sometimes misses being in between:) Because life isn't as metaphorical and full of sense as we think it is. Many times it's just random. And we give it meaning by finding role models around us. People who inspire us, who, through their stories, help us understand that even if random, life is worth living and that longing is a natural feeling. (I love you, Kirsty Mitchell! Thank you for showing me that!) 

   So I'll miss school some more days and then I'll go back to playing with the kids:) Because adult life is just as awesome for me:) I'm that lucky!

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* Kirsty Mitchell is one of my favorite photographers. She puts life in a box and takes amazing photos of it while playing with the toys inside:) I can only aspire to resemble her sometime:)

Day 339. That weird feeling

   Today I had that weird feeling again. Supermarkets are ready for school so they're promoting school supplies now. So every time I go in a supermarket these days I run into them. 

  The weird feeling comes from seeing the amazing variety of schoolbags, notebooks, pencil cases and other things pupils need for school. They all make me melancholic. Back in my time we didn't have all these amazing school supplies. Many times we didn't even have cool options to choose from so I kinda envy pupils and it makes me miss being in school. But then I remember I had a happy childhood and a happy adolescence still, even without having so many cool things. So I guess that's what counts in the end: traveling through life in a constant state of happiness and looking ahead with hope knowing you made peace with your past. And how does that happen?

Day 250. Left behind

   These days I've been running around like a headless chicken. It's the registration period for the teachers' annual exam and just like every year, nobody seems to know exactly what documents we need in the file we register with. So we all run around and try to solve this issue the best we can. 

   I guess it's a general trait for Romania. You thought the US is the country of all possibilities, huh? Well guess what! Romania surely surpasses the US! Here you never really know what lies ahead of you. Nobody tells you how to study during school, if the university you want to attend is useful or not and which are the odds of being hired after graduating. Nobody tells you how to search for a job or how to do your job, they just want it done by the deadline. Of course, they say you can ask and you shall been given answers, but we weren't raised like this. 

   The system teaches us to swallow a lot of information that teachers give us and take it for granted, so when we graduate highschool we feel like we're left behind. No critical thinking, no perspectives, no nothing. So that's when we wake up from the childhood dream and we realize we're grown up chicks that have to fly. But where to? And then we start asking around, just like socials being we are. And answers are given. 

Day 185. Lost and found

   Remember when weeks ago I said I wanted my child memories back? That I wanted to find something to remind of of how I was as a child? I did!!! 

   My uncle gave me this cassette I totally forgot about. I was recorded at the age of 4, 5 and 9 while reciting poems:) I had such a cute voice my heart melted:) My brother was barely learning to talk, my dad was trying to make him say "mom", "dad", "oops" and cute stuff like that:) My dear, dear grandma was around too. I almost burst into tears. It brought back the good, old times when everything was ok, when we were all together, when life was barely beginning. Now, we've grown up, life is uncertain and many of the good people have gone. 

   Sometimes I miss being a child, you know? I always find myself loving the craft work my kids do at the kindergarten and I just want to sit down with them and do whatever they're doing, play with them and listen to awesome lessons, live life all over again from the beginning. It's not that adult life is frightening, it's just that we forget how awesome that time was because "when we're little we want to grow up and when we've grown up we want to be little". 

   Still, being able to live again a small part of my childhood was awesome:) And the good part is that... memories are always alive! And they should be preserved. Today I learned that videos are better than photos. Unless we're in Harry Potter and we have moving photos:) 

Note to self: Make a very organized plan about preserving your kids' childhood:) 

Day 154. Trust issues

   Even if I'm almost 25 I still have some bits left from childhood... like the naivety of believing people are generally good. If I see someone who shows kindness and/or affection towards others, including me, I start trusting them. I trust they are good people who are here to make this world a better place. But today... I found out otherwise.

   A person I met months ago and who seemed so very warm hearted and kind, who helped me and always spoke nicely to me has been doing some illegal stuff. I was shocked when I found out. She really didn't seem like the type. Of course, saying "I'm doing VERY well" every morning when I asked her "How she was" gave me an idea something was fishy (since you can't be in a perfect condition every single morning for months) but I thought it was just me. 

   So here's how I found out I have to let go of my childhood belief of blindly trusting people around. I'm not sure I want to be cautious every time I meet a new person from now on but in these past months of working I found out people can be really mean and not worthy of my trust. So maybe trust has to be earned in time, not immediately and maybe, just maybe, people ARE born good but turn bad because they want to get rich, be powerful or feared. Who knows?

Day 143. Le Petit Prince

     Today was a special day because ... I met The Little Prince:)

   I knew the story before, but I never read it. It seemed way too complicated for me so I just abandoned it for other stories that I could comprehend more easily. This night I had the awesome opportunity to listen to the story on vinyl. I swear, it was the most beautiful experience I had in months:) Laying on a cozy armchair, being surrounded by friends and diving into childhood was exactly what I needed:) That trembling voice, those innocent lines and the whole message caught me completely. Time passed and it felt like a second. I loved it! I embraced it with all my heart. I put it in a special corner of my mind and then decided to keep it there as long as I shall live. 

   I was meant to meet him today. He had to teach me a lesson. The lesson of being responsible for what we tame, the lesson of loving and caring, of how fragile love can be and of how innocent we all are deep down. 

   Returning to innocence can make you feel like you've slept a good night's sleep and then you feel rested, full of life, willing to embrace whatever comes and learn... learn as much as you can, just like The Little Prince. 

Day 107. The city of lights

   Today most of the people began getting their homes ready for Christmas. I did that too. We cleaned our cozy home and I can't wait to bake cookies tomorrow! 

   My city is ready for Christmas as well:) It's full of lights that just make it seem magical. That's what Christmas is all about! Magic and childhood. So let's nurture the child inside us and enjoy these holidays as innocently as a child would:) 

   P.S.: Here's some proof of how amazing my city looks like around Christmas:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdjo5vfzmaA&feature=youtu.be

Day 40. Bed sweet bed

   Tuesday, second day of flu hell. Things just got serious. It was about time I started using a more serious pill because I really wanted to go back to work the other day (I know how silly that sounds). 

  It was all about bed, bed and some more bed for me on Tuesday. I wasn't used to having fever anymore. I didn't have a fever since childhood, but yet, it was never to late to meet her again. And I was happy. Because that meant my body was fighting:)

  At the end of the day I was proud to have succeeded going to work and having had a beautiful class with some kids in my ex highschool. 

    

   TIP of the day: when there's a will, there's a way!

Day 17. Buried treasures

   

   Most of us have good memories from childhood regarding our time spent to the countryside with our grandparents. In my case, a new visit revived the feeling of freedom, the smell of green grass in spring, the wind through my hair while chasing butterflies, the smell of fresh cheese cake made by grandma. I had simple grandparents. Simple, yet humble and good people. Now it's all deserted back there. It's like time has buried all these treasures somewhere down deep and now it's a whole new land. A deserted one. One that tells you life has come to an end there. I miss my grandparents...

Day 11. The bond

   I know, I've talked about childhood before, but working with kids and being among them has its effects on me. I've seen a mother pick up her child in kindergarten today and she was so affectionate with her little daughter. There was surely a strong bond between the two. The girl said she liked it there and she'd come tomorrow too and her mother kissed her proudly. Then, I say: What can be more beautiful than being a mother and having a beautiful child who will light up your days? I think I'm getting old for saying this (I wouldn't have thought about it some years ago) but I bet I'll actually enjoy the adulthood we want to achieve when being little and the one grown up people say you want to avoid:) Can't wait to have my own family and my own kids!<3

Day 1. Childhood

    I wish I had a bee of any type so I could easily represent my first workplace, but unfortunately, the only bee I had was on the earrings I made for myself and then gave away to a dear friend, so I searched in my room for another item that reminds me of childhood and kids. Why? Because I am going to work with them the following year. 

    Today I found out I'm going to be a psychologist at a kindergarten in my town named "The Little Bee" (hence, the bee I needed for my photo). In the end I laid my eyes on a little smiling star that always makes me smile and a cute pencil with a teddy bear on the top. 
    I think this photo suits the day. The day I found out shooting for the stars is good because you always get where you want in the end. 

                                      And for me... it's just the beginning :)