Day 339. That weird feeling

   Today I had that weird feeling again. Supermarkets are ready for school so they're promoting school supplies now. So every time I go in a supermarket these days I run into them. 

  The weird feeling comes from seeing the amazing variety of schoolbags, notebooks, pencil cases and other things pupils need for school. They all make me melancholic. Back in my time we didn't have all these amazing school supplies. Many times we didn't even have cool options to choose from so I kinda envy pupils and it makes me miss being in school. But then I remember I had a happy childhood and a happy adolescence still, even without having so many cool things. So I guess that's what counts in the end: traveling through life in a constant state of happiness and looking ahead with hope knowing you made peace with your past. And how does that happen?

Day 327. Another day to remember

   This is the day. The day when all studying ends and we try to convince other people that we know what psychology is about. We let them come into our world and hope they will like it enough to give us a high mark and let us enjoy the next year of our life in a good workplace. 

   That's what teachers do. They take an exam each year and hope for the best. They get ready for it for months, so that's how friends and family forget how they look like. They all can't wait for it to be over. And one day, today, the loop ends. Anxiety is coming to the surface and worrying thoughts swim across the mind. Teachers don't know what lays ahead of them, they just hope for the best. And then something happens. Something that changes their day.

 

   I wasn't nervous this morning. Not because I studied hard and I was confident or because I received the opportunity to work in the same kindergarten next year... but because of her. The wise music teacher. One of the examination supervisors. One that knew psychology better than we did and that had to lose it all to reach wisdom and be able to teach others how to cool down and laugh their stress away before a big exam. One that gave us a life lesson. 

   We had to wait for a whole hour before the exam and in that time she took our minds off of it. We were no longer in a foreign class, in a foreign school, waiting for the exam subjects to be delivered to us. We were attending an awesome course about happiness. She told us that the key to happiness isn't getting attached to the people around us. Happiness is loving and setting them free. Free to be themselves, not the ones we expect them to be. And, among others, she reminded me that when we want something, we should believe in getting it and ask for it with all our heart. And it shall be given to us because of our faith:) 

   So when the subjects came in, I bet all of us asked to have an easy exam and get a high mark:) It's funny how we needed to meet this woman to psychologically prepare us for an exam on psychology:)  And it's awesome that we did. Cos in the end when the subjects came in we were all confident that we could be the best version of ourselves right there, on that paper, and I donno about the others, but I enjoyed that exam. Some interesting ideas popped in my mind, some that might pleasantly impress the teacher reading my paper, the same ones that made me smile during the exam because that teacher changed my life and I needed her there. I needed her to tell me that attachment is not love and that love is setting people free from our expectations:) I was already in that battle with myself lately and her verbalizing it meant I took the right decision.

   Everything does happen for a reason:)

Day 301. All by myself

   We fly in flocks and we're born to do it, but in some cases there comes a moment when we need to figure out if we chose the right flock. Because lately the birds aren't flying next to us, but next to any other bird in the flock. And we're the ones being left behind, the ones who try to understand how that happened and always find an unrealistic explanation for it. Then is when we need to figure it out: was that flock the right one for us or did we just want to belong to it more than we actually did? 

   We all know we shouldn't change for others so we just have to admit that it's the wrong time and the wrong place for us to be. In the end all that's left is understanding that...

   Moving on solo until we find the right flock. That's right. The one that will want us there as much as we want it. Until then, breathe in, breathe out and hope. 

Day 222. Missing

   Today I tried to calm the waters I'm floating on and bring the sun in my boat. It rained instead. Then, someone held a helping hand and I took it. But in all this process, I was thinking about one thing: "How would it be if we wouldn't feel emotions anymore? If we could turn them down. How would life be then? Would it be better or worse? Would we get over bad situations more easily or would we transform into robots? What if it's both? How would it be?" 

   In my case believing in some abstract things helps me find a sense in everything that's happening, but sometimes those abstract things are just like that... abstract. And when I wake up and bump into the here and now reality I am frustrated, sad, hopeless and I am asking myself: "Do those abstract things matter anymore?... They do, because that's what gets me going. Hope. Pandora's little secret."

Day 196. Where to?

   When we're little we think about the toys we want to play with, our friends from the kindergarten or the cartoons we're going to watch when we get home. When we grow up we start thinking about our future. At first, it's the immediate future: the high school or university we want to attend, the friends we want to have and that ideal relationship that we want to last forever. When we're working we inevitably think about the distant future: a family, a place of our own, a kid. 

   It's interesting how things evolve over time. And it's a bit scary when you have to plan your whole life ahead and know you have to take the best decisions, choose the best option when everything seems so insecure. But that's why we have the internet and friends for. To ask them what they think and start from there. And then hope for the best and learn to be flexible. Change plans whenever they seem not to work anymore. And never lose hope. Believe everything is going to be ok, no matter how twisted the labyrinth might be. 

   And in the end everything comes true. And we'll see "where to?" was just a question that made us start a whole new chapter in our life: the best one:) 

Day 169. Hope

   Hope is what keeps us going. Hope for a better world, a better future, a life just like we want it. Or maybe hope that everything is going to be OK in the end, even if we know there's still a long way full of surprises until we reach the final destination.

   I found out my time in the kindergarten I'm working now could be limited to... only 4 more months. Due to some bureaucratic stuff, I might have to choose a different workplace sometime in August and it might hurt cos I really thought I was going to stay longer and I also got attached to the place and the people. Still, there is the option of staying here if I get a high enough grade at the exam and choose this place again. So I end up hoping Someone up there will help me just like He did last year when every little detail helped me get here because it had to be this way. It was a miracle and I still believe in it. I believe in myself. And I hope. Never end up hoping:) And if the dream comes to an end, I will write new stories and I will try to save new lives wherever I am. In my own, little way.

Day 66. Fix you

   We're all broken one way or another. Problems, worries and disappointments, they all break us up. But it's up to us to fix ourselves to be able to smile again. 

   We need to focus on the things that we DO have and be thankful for them instead of worrying about the ones we don't, we need to stop the gloomy thoughts and start trusting life again because she wants to embrace us and we should let her. 

Let's be creative and make the best out of what we have now:)