Dreamers

   Dear diary,

      Will we ever learn? Or will we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? 

   Will we ever choose the important over the urgent? The need over the want? Tomorrow over now? Will we choose right? 

   I'm back to square one because I chose now over tomorrow (again). And things might get out of control. But I'm telling myself they don't have to go exactly how I planned them. That I can always change, twist and bend to make it okay in the end and that my friends and family can help when everything else fails. Yep. I should remember that. I donno why they keep teaching us to succeed by ourselves. We're never alone, like they say. Not when we're born, nor when we die. 

   In the end, I guess we're dreamers who enjoy breaking the rules. Ones who know tomorrow might never come. Isn't life short anyhow? So why not take advantage of it while we still can? Why not make mistakes and challenge ourselves to fix them afterwards?:) It can be a useful process. 

With love,

The one who thinks she has everything under control 

and is always mistaken

P.S. I decided to stop making a schedule about when to write. I'll try to make it once a week, but nothing's final. I want my memories to be powerful, not just any random thing that happens. So, I guess you understand.

Day 343. Stay positive

   We read motivational quotes every day on Facebook. Either because our friends share them or because we stumble upon them on different pages. We feel they're true but we only think about them at a metaphorical level and that's where they stay. We don't remember them in everyday life like we do with the 9gag posts or memes. Nevertheless, we keep liking them because we somehow want to be guided by them. "Live a happy life, don't care about the others, go on your own path, stop pretending to be someone else, enjoy life while it lasts" and so on. 

   Today I remembered one of those many quotes precisely because I saw it happening in real life. And then I understood its whole meaning. 

   Sounds pretty cliché, right? But what does that really mean? Why should we surround ourselves with Positive people and not just People in general? Why so much hippie attitude? I'm gonna tell you what I discovered and then maybe you wanna learn from it too. 

   I've been spending some days with some dear friends lately. Some awesome people, full of optimism, good vibe and energy. Artists or generally people who understand art. I've enjoyed myself so much and looking back I know those are the kind of people I want to be surrounded by all the time. Because they bring out the best in me. They make me accept myself just like I am even if I make mistakes. They're not the kind of people to criticize every wrong step. Instead, they help you get back on track while making you smile or they ignore your mistake knowing that you'll learn from it either way. They see life as a gift and they enjoy every little thing that could brighten their day, be it a yummy soup, a good concert or drinking a beer while you're sitting on the pavement. Surely, they have reasons to be unhappy. The society we live in is not perfect, but they know that they shouldn't pay attention to that if they want to live a happy life.  

   And then I came home. Here I have different type of people surrounding me. The kind of people who call themselves "realistic". The ones who think about every little thing that could go wrong before starting an action, the ones who criticize and judge people around them. The same ones who think that life is a burden and it would be better if we moved to a different country in order to live a decent life. They make me feel uncomfortable and indirectly they make me think like they do even if that's not who I wanna be. But they are the ones who surround me every day, so it's hard to think differently. I'm not happy when I'm around them and I feel I'm not accepted so I have moments when I can't wait to get away from them. 

   So here it is. Here's how positive and negative people can make you feel and this is why you should choose to be surrounded only by positive people. I know, sometimes you have to live with the negative ones cos they're family, but try to accept them and still be you. Listen to their opinions but live life your own way. In the end that's why it's called YOUR life:) 

Day 324. The rough change

   From time to time we face our three fears: the fear of our haunting past, the fear of our uncertain present and the fear of our lonely and unfulfilled future. 

     The meeting is always rough and it hurts like hell but at some point we must look them in the eye and start chatting like old buddies for they are the ones that stop us from moving on with a smile on our face knowing that everything will be ok. 

   Sure, we hate the mistakes we've made in the past, but they made us better. We have no idea if our present friends are the real ones we'll have our whole life but sometimes we gotta let them go and see if they come back. We can't predict the future on the long term. We don't even know what tomorrow brings, but we gotta remember "today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday" and that we figured it out after all.

   So, let's accept our past mistakes cos we didn't know better, let some  of our friends go and see if they come back and stop worrying about tomorrow. Everything WILL be ok, no matter how many friends, money or things we will have. It's the inner peace we need. So we gotta stop and make a change of thought. 

  

Day 288. Happy end

  During all my childhood I loved fairy tales because they all had their happy ending no matter how difficult the journey was. Well, today I got my happy ending too.

   It was my last day of work in this school year. It's been a full one. Ups and downs and then ups again. I remember that last September I started my first year of work being full of excitement. And then I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to handle some unpredictable situations. But slowly I learned all that and much more. 

   At first I thought I'd be a mini god with so much power to use. But as the months passed I realized I had unrealistic expectations:) Only 10% of what I learned in university would help me in practice. Oh the joy of discovering that!

   But all in all, after making mistakes and learning from them, after so many activities with the kids, today I stepped in a class for the last time this year and the kids all gathered around me hugging me. They were sooo cute especially because they wouldn't normally do that so I wanted to make sure. I asked them what that meant and they said "We love you!!!" So, if this is how my first year of work ended, I'd say it's definitely a Happy End. 

   To many more happy endings!:)

Day 134. Mistakes

   People make mistakes. And then they learn from them. Our mistakes make us who we are at the present. They teach us good lessons like paying more attention and being more careful about planning and making decisions. They are the experience that separates us from the newbies.

   Today I took the wrong bus... for the third time in my life. I thought I had learned my lesson by now, but being impatient has its costs. This other bus led me a little farther away from home. During my walk I thought that if I had simply looked back I could have taken the right bus. A second of attention would have saved me. It could have been worse though (a fine included) so I'm happy it wasn't. I know this might have been life's way of showing me I still have to work on being patient... again and again and again until it's there, inside me and it's me who's controlling it and not the reverse. So I decide to take another step towards it and open my eyes next time. Let's see how that's gonna go.

"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." 

Kevyn Aucoin