Day 154. Trust issues

   Even if I'm almost 25 I still have some bits left from childhood... like the naivety of believing people are generally good. If I see someone who shows kindness and/or affection towards others, including me, I start trusting them. I trust they are good people who are here to make this world a better place. But today... I found out otherwise.

   A person I met months ago and who seemed so very warm hearted and kind, who helped me and always spoke nicely to me has been doing some illegal stuff. I was shocked when I found out. She really didn't seem like the type. Of course, saying "I'm doing VERY well" every morning when I asked her "How she was" gave me an idea something was fishy (since you can't be in a perfect condition every single morning for months) but I thought it was just me. 

   So here's how I found out I have to let go of my childhood belief of blindly trusting people around. I'm not sure I want to be cautious every time I meet a new person from now on but in these past months of working I found out people can be really mean and not worthy of my trust. So maybe trust has to be earned in time, not immediately and maybe, just maybe, people ARE born good but turn bad because they want to get rich, be powerful or feared. Who knows?

Day 153. One must weep

      Most people love kids, right? Well when we state that, we usually think about the cute toddlers who barely say some words and walk clumsily, are ever so curious to discover the world, love toys and still have that attractive baby face. What about the 5 or 6 year olds? They become more independent, start to question what you tell them and... learn not to obey. And sometimes that can bring hard to bear consequences... at least for the educators (like me). 

   Today I had a good day. Until I met some 5 and 6 year olds who didn't want to pay attention to me no matter how much I tried to make the activity interesting. The sad part is that it wasn't their first time showing no respect towards me. Promises of a reward no longer worked since they're used to getting something in return for their good behaviour and they say they don't need colored dots anymore so... why not do what they want? Why not disturb the class so that kids who want to pay attention couldn't? I asked them whether they didn't like me or the things I was teaching them. They said "no, we like you". "Then what is it? Why don't you pay attention?" "We don't know" they said. That's what the big ones always say. They seem to question things around them but they never really know why they don't obey the rules. Tricky. 

   So I was left in the position of being the bad teacher, the one who punishes them and makes them feel fear. I wish I didn't have to do that, but I felt it necessary. Of course a child started to cry being faced with a punishment and seeing that he couldn't do everything he wanted in class and in the end I felt bad. Bad of not knowing how to be that perfect teacher who the kids are in love with, that teacher who knows how to solve critical problems without punishing the students. I felt lonely in a crowd. I didn't know what to do next. I don't want to go to them next time and punish them even before the activity starts in order to keep them focused. I want to be a good teacher and I wish they would just listen to me. Maybe... I'm not tough enough and that has to be learned... all in due time.

Day 152. The lessons of a father

   Work's all right and my days pass looking very similar one to another but the things, people or messages I meet every day make my days special. 

   Today I read a girl's blog post about how she was brought up and the teachings her dad gave her along the childhood years. I was particularly impressed by the wisdom of that father who, of all things, taught his daughter the importance of being kind to the others, treat them the best and not judge people by their appearance but by their "inside". He also said that things have a life of their own and they are meant to break at some point so we shouldn't weep for the broken but accept the fact and replace them with new ones and that, in the end, people are more valuable than things. I wish I will be just as wise when I will be a mother:)

Take a look at the exact words of this amazing father:

"Porcelain dishes aren't important, people are. So, you should serve breakfast, lunch or dinner in porcelain dishes to anybody who enters your home no matter his social class or ethnicity." 

"Never take the last piece of cake from a plate. Maybe somebody didn't have the chance to take any or maybe someone else needs it more than you do." 

 "When you have two apples, give away the biggest and most beautiful of the two. And if other time you receive the small apple, don't complain. Don't have high expectations and don't be greedy."

"Give thanks for every bit of food you receive from somebody. The person who cooked that food has given you a part of her life."

"Don't judge people for their ethnicity for they are not guilty they were born this way. Don't reject people, even if the others reject them. Try to know a person first before saying that he's ugly, stupid or bad."

"Things have their own life. They all have to be replaced at some point."

"Speak to people like you'd be speaking to yourself."

"Gifts aren't meant to be an exchange. You don't have to give back the exact value of the gift you have received."

"You shouldn't choose people to be your friends by their clothes. You should choose them with your eyes closed so you couldn't see their beauty or the things they possess. Don't be ashamed to have a friend who's different." 

 You can find the whole post in Romanian, here: http://www.irinab.com/p/copilarii.html 

   Read it!:) It will change your life and make you appreciate your parents more... And we all need that:)

Day 151. Ideas worth borrowing

   You know those moments in your life when you don't know what to eat anymore and you're fed up with the food you have whenever you open the fridge? In those moments, try to reach out to your friends. You'll be surprised to find out some old recipes cooked in a new way that seem really appealing.

   A friend said he's eaten fried cheese (that sounds weird in English) and some veggies along with some garlic sauce, so I thought: why not try that myself? Yum! It was delicious!:) I can't wait to find out new recipes!

   So, whenever creativity leaves the building it's good to remember you can turn to your dear ones. Not only for advice, but also for food tips;)

Day 150. The thrill

   We're never satisfied for a long while. Even if we want something very much, after we receive it we enjoy it for some time, but then sooner or later boredom kicks in. 

   You won't settle down to wearing your whole life those jewels you just bought and you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your days watching tv shows no matter how much you want to do that now. At some point... you will be bored of it. And then you will want to feel the thrill again. You'll be looking for it in everything around you and that's going to be your next purpose in life because having everything you need doesn't necessarily involve being continuously satisfied. One day you'll want to feel the thrill again, just like me. And then you'll begin a restless journey and you won't stop until you'll find that moment, be it in doing something you haven't done for a long while or having a crush along with the characters of the book you're just reading. And after you find it you'll settle down for a while but then you'll want to begin another journey for life is a never ending series of moments when you felt the thrill. Those are the moments you'll want to share with your grandchildren. So, find the thrill and live it! Live it while you still can:)

Day 149. Revive

   I don't know about you but I've never been good at caring for houseplants. They need a lot of attention. Each of them is special in its own way and you have to be careful how much you water them and so on.

   So you can imagine how frustrated I was when one of the few houseplants that I received and LIVED has been bent down and broken by accident. I loved my little begonia and her yellow flowers... now she has just two leaves left. 

    ... I know, what an unimportant issue that seems to be while students aren't passing their exams and people are dying out there of cancer and other serious illnesses... It surprised me too. I didn't think I'd react like that, but that little begonia was like my child... and now she's almost dead. That got me from frustration to sadness. I didn't lose my hope yet, though. I'm going to take good care of her remaining two leaves and hope she'll be just like a phoenix raising from her ashes:) 

   I decided I have to be more careful since every action we do has its own consequence around us, just like a little pebble thrown away in a lake. 

    “The thing about real life is, when you do something stupid, it normally costs you. In books the heroes can make as many mistakes as they like. It doesn't matter what they do, because everything works out in the end. They'll beat the bad guys and put things right and everything ends up cool.

In real life, vacuum cleaners kill spiders. If you cross a busy road without looking, you get whacked by a car. If you fall from a tree, you break some bones.

    Real life's nasty. It's cruel. It doesn't care about heroes and happy endings and the way things should be. In real life, bad things happen. People die. Fights are lost. "  

- Darren Shan

Day 148. That awesome feeling

   ... of weekend, of time expanding and of the warm springy air all around you:) That awesome feeling when you don't have to rush anywhere because you know you've got all the time in the world to yourself! You can sleep through the morning, wake up and have brunch, read a really catchy book and then continue relaxing. How I missed this feeling:) 

       Welcome, dear weekend!:)