Day 354. Empathy gone wrong

   Today was one of those days when you empathized with the weather more than you had planned to. You let the gloomy clouds and the heavy rain get to you, so you were cranky and bored all day and you knew nothing you do could change that. 

   You wish things could be different and you could be like other people who just see rain as mere water coming from the sky and gloomy clouds as random weather. Today you wish that more than ever. You know everything is an illusion and it's all in your head as much as you know you can't really control it. You tried it before and it was always more powerful than you. 

   It is what it is. So maybe the only option available in this case is finding something that would turn your day upside down. A reason to smile, a reason to fall in love with today:) Guess what, when you want it hard enough, that reason reveals to you and even if outside it's pouring rain the sun inside will keep shining:) At least that's what happened to me, even if it was just a little movie which totally spoke to me. It was enough to make me go to bed full of hope like any other day.

Day 271. Upside down

   It's been almost 3 weeks since my life is upside down. And the funny part is that I love it!

   I've said it before, I'm saying it now too: When you start working, your whole life changes. You marry your workplace and you start living together. At first everything seems very exciting and you're curious to discover how this or that works, but after some months everything becomes a routine. You just go to work and then you just come home. Many times you won't even have time to do something else during the day. So in the end, even if you like what you do, you get frustrated. And bored. Just like being in a very long lasting relationship that you drag with you only because you're afraid of being single. When this occurs, you need "a thrill". Something to make you feel alive again, like a teenager, like a student you used to be only a year ago. Something to keep you forever young. 

   I discovered this is one of my biggest issues. I am only 25 but I am already afraid of aging. I can't imagine myself at the age of 30, 35 or 40. It feels so scary only thinking about it: being surrounded by lots of youngsters who have some growing up to do and then you, standing still and knowing you can't transform anymore... the only difference being that you're getting uglier and less healthy. But I know this is not a good way of thinking and I remember what a wise teacher once told us: "Your purpose in life should be to age beautifully. Only that way you get to be wise at the end of your life." 

   So I am dismissing the bad thoughts and I am focusing on accepting my age and the experience and benefits that come with it. And since I found the "thrill" that turned my life upside down, I'm enjoying it every single day. My days are now brighter and happier. Only now did I realize how much I needed it. How much I needed feeling young again and how awesome the feeling really is:)