I know. I've been talking about change so much lately. About wanting to change and needing a change and why change is good. I even told you change doesn't happen in a day, but I forgot how it actually feels when you have a habit ingrained deep inside you that comes out when you least expect.
I loooove calm people. I see them every morning when I go to work. Those people who walk slowly no matter where they go like they're floating on the pavement and they take their time to breathe in the surroundings. Those people who speak slooowly and they make you feel understood and cared for. I want to be like them. I always did. But my personality is not helping me a lot.
I want to be calmer, more carefree and all that, but sometimes I forget that wanting something is not exactly the same as doing it. When you want to change a bad habit you first have to go to war with yourself and keep fighting and fighting until your new behavior prevails. You have to consciously remind yourself why you need this change and why reacting like before is bad, take deep breaths and work on it a lot. Every single day for a month. Then and only then your new behavior is going to become a habit. Most of us fail after day one. We have too many sweet reasons to fall back into the old habit and there we are again. Back at square one. And man that hurts a lot when you decide you'll be more careful next time. And still, if you trust yourself and know you CAN do more things than you think you can, you'll climb Mount Everest. Don't you wanna see how the world looks like from up there? Oh, I know, I would :)
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