Dreamers

   Dear diary,

      Will we ever learn? Or will we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? 

   Will we ever choose the important over the urgent? The need over the want? Tomorrow over now? Will we choose right? 

   I'm back to square one because I chose now over tomorrow (again). And things might get out of control. But I'm telling myself they don't have to go exactly how I planned them. That I can always change, twist and bend to make it okay in the end and that my friends and family can help when everything else fails. Yep. I should remember that. I donno why they keep teaching us to succeed by ourselves. We're never alone, like they say. Not when we're born, nor when we die. 

   In the end, I guess we're dreamers who enjoy breaking the rules. Ones who know tomorrow might never come. Isn't life short anyhow? So why not take advantage of it while we still can? Why not make mistakes and challenge ourselves to fix them afterwards?:) It can be a useful process. 

With love,

The one who thinks she has everything under control 

and is always mistaken

P.S. I decided to stop making a schedule about when to write. I'll try to make it once a week, but nothing's final. I want my memories to be powerful, not just any random thing that happens. So, I guess you understand.

Day 354. Empathy gone wrong

   Today was one of those days when you empathized with the weather more than you had planned to. You let the gloomy clouds and the heavy rain get to you, so you were cranky and bored all day and you knew nothing you do could change that. 

   You wish things could be different and you could be like other people who just see rain as mere water coming from the sky and gloomy clouds as random weather. Today you wish that more than ever. You know everything is an illusion and it's all in your head as much as you know you can't really control it. You tried it before and it was always more powerful than you. 

   It is what it is. So maybe the only option available in this case is finding something that would turn your day upside down. A reason to smile, a reason to fall in love with today:) Guess what, when you want it hard enough, that reason reveals to you and even if outside it's pouring rain the sun inside will keep shining:) At least that's what happened to me, even if it was just a little movie which totally spoke to me. It was enough to make me go to bed full of hope like any other day.

Day 346. That special feeling

   From time to time you get that special feeling of being in love with the world. It's that unexplainable thing that makes you be high on happiness, that feeling of "I wouldn't change anything about how my life looks right now." You forget about anything that needs to be solved, anything that's not perfect and you just wear that dumb smile on your face and you feel like you'd hug everybody. 

   That feeling usually comes on a perfect summer evening. You just lay down in the sunset light, close your eyes and realize you finished solving the puzzle, that every piece is now put in its right place and you're proud to have figured things out. You open your eyes and you're still smiling. Because you're looking forward to solving the next puzzle life has prepared for you. And because you know that if you were able to finish all the ones you were given until now, you're trained enough to finish the ones to come too. And that gives you strength and peace. The peace of knowing you're in control. What better feeling do you need?:)

Day 331. Fearless

   It's funny how we're built up to be the strongest and the weakest version of ourselves all in the same person. It all depends on how we interpret things, our past experiences and if others seem weaker than us. Then we embrace the strong version of ourselves and we want to lift that person up. And somehow the next day we will be the weak one needing to be lifted up too. Interesting... 

   Everything starts and ends with the brain:) As much as you'd like to think that events around you influence what you feel, it's never like that. And one of the reasons that brings up the worst in us is thinking about the future and the fact that we can't control it. Then panicking happens. I'm asking you though:

   Funny how that comes from the person who usually worries about stuff. See? Today I'm the strong one. For two of my best friends needed to be lifted up. We do worry because we take into consideration the possibility that it won't be ok. And then we ask ourselves: "What am I going to do then? What if I lose everything and I will be alone? How am I going to cope with that?" But in those fearful times we forget to remember that:

   Yes, you might lose your friends but then you have your family. You might lose your family but then you have your friends. And if you lose your boyfriend/girlfriend, there's always best friends and they never go away:) That's why they're best friends. And even IF you lose everything, believe me, you WILL find the power to go on and everything will be ok. Just fight for what you want and never give up. Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end:) Simple as that.

Day 223. Young and blooming

    Today while watching students pass by on the street as I was riding the bus home I remembered how I used to be when I was like them and I smiled. 

   It's so interesting to see how much we evolve in just a couple of years after we graduate... even if we keep our inner child with us. In the end, I think it evolves with us, too. 

   When we're teenagers and students we think we control the world, that we can change it and bend it the way we want so that we always end up being happy. We feel so powerful and willing to do so many things and that's exactly when we should do them. Because later on, as we start working and have serious thoughts about settling down we realize it has always been the reverse. The world is controlling us and WE are the ones who have to bend in order to be accepted in the society we live in. We realize that many times our choices as teens were the wrong ones, but we can still make it if we learn to be flexible. Attending that university could be a wrong choice because you might not find a workplace in that field quickly but if you're willing to learn something else, you will succeed. Or maybe you'll want a job in that field so hard that you'll get it no matter how much you'll have to fight for it. 

   In the end I think we should always be young and blooming in our thoughts, feel able and willing to change the world. Otherwise we'd only feel like slaves who work for others not for ourselves. And maybe we can control the world. Maybe not the whole world, but a small part for sure. And that's enough if it helps us be happy:)