Looking back to 2014

Dear diary,

   2014 was one of the most beautiful years of my life, definitely the peak of my journey until now.
   At the beginning of it, I said:

   "I don't know about others, but I always tried to be the best person in the world and I often failed. And then guess what happened. I felt guilty. And responsible. Well this year, I'm done with being extra cautious. This year I'm learning from my past mistakes but I'm also thinking about me instead of putting the others first every single time. I'm going to buy what I feel like buying, spend time how I feel like and do whatever feels right. Out with the guilt, in with the inner peace."

   Unlike other years, in 2014 I did what I planned, but like any other year, it had its ups and downs. It was difficult precisely because a change doesn't come all of a sudden, and when you're used to always think about others thinking about YOURSELF feels selfish. I took an extreme decision, a life changing one that I never thought I would have to take. It was difficult, but I knew I had to do it. And after I did it I knew I had to go straight ahead and never look back. Of course that's kind of impossible. And here's where the guilt came in. I looked back and I felt bad for leaving broken stuff behind, but somehow I understood that this was MY journey and I kept going and going and going. And this is how I found Wonderland. The land of lifelong dreams coming true, the land of thousands of new experiences, of not only "beginning to bloom" but being in full bloom. 

   2014 was definitely the year when I knew for sure I became a woman. 

   One that knows what she wants and fights for it without regrets. One that not only thinks about others, but who considers her long term happiness too. One that keeps her inner child nourished and who protects it against anybody who thinks you're immature if you're childlike. This past year I surprised myself and the others. I went the extra mile. But I kept being the happy-go-lucky kind of girl everybody knows. 

   I was blessed to meet the love of my life. The one who completes me perfectly. The male improved version of me. He's my role model, my best friend, my rock, my reason to smile and dream and love, my fairy tale, my everything. It seems improbable that a love story like ours would happen. But I know for sure, we both know, that we're made for each other.

... and that's why we got engaged. When you find the One, you just feel it. So you don't need a lot of time to discover each other. You just know :)

   With my fiancé came a whole new world that I discovered step by step in 2014. The world of cooking as a passion, of opening a restaurant, of meeting a lot of wonderful people and trying out a multitude of new dishes (like I always wanted). Everything was so new to me and yet, so exciting.

   I was a camp teacher for the first time in my life during summer camp and I absolutely LOVED it!!! Will do it again this year. It was such an intense and emotional experience for me. I'll never ever forget it :)

    I had my first big exam teachers have and I passed it. Yay!

   I traveled around the country and to France and Switzerland for the first time. It was enriching, empowering, breathtaking. I also flew for the first time.

   I read more than I planned to. And I love that. I want to keep discovering amazing authors, to fall in love with new books.

   I overcame my fear related to Quilling and I started it as a new hobby. I now love to quill a birthday card or a special event card for my friends and family.

   I made 9 Advent calendars. More than last year. It was hard, but I loved every step.

   I went caroling with my family again after a lot of years.

   ... and I had the Christmas tree of my dreams. Again.

I spent New Year's Eve in a wonderful rush at Off the Wall. 

2014... I LOVED IT ALL!

In 2015 I want to be right here, right now and enjoy the journey that goes on.

With love and excitement,

D.

My merry little Christmas

Dear diary,

   This year's Christmas was wonderful. I was always surrounded by family, friends and loved ones, we went caroling, we walked and picked mistletoe, we shared delicious food and we caught up, we played games, we watched movies, I saw people I haven't seen in a long time, I did things I used to do when I was a little girl. It felt really good to go back to the basics and to feel so much love around me. I didn't do all this because I HAD TO, I didn't eat too much, I didn't do stuff everybody does, I did things that would bring me happiness and that would make the ones around me happy as well. 

   I'm still in the Christmas mood, there are still friends to visit, stories to share and laughter and games and another week of holiday. And then, we're slowly entering the new wonderful year of 2015, the year when I move out, when I will meet my future in laws, when I'll travel to Canada (and hopefully to the Czech Republic) and so much more. There's a wedding to plan and a whole beautiful adventure in between. 

   I'm really looking forward to the new year! But until then, I'm still enjoying the holiday.

Relaxed,

D.

P.S. I'll write the 2014 review when the time is right ;)

P.P.S. This year's Christmas tree accomplished every dream I've ever had *very very happy and proud*

Christmas Past, Present and Future

   Dear diary,

   It's Christmas day again. That time of the year when I'm filled with both sadness and joy: sadness cos I can't believe a whole year has passed already and joy because I can witness the most wonderful time of the year again:) The one I was looking forward to since January, the same one that allows me to be a kid no matter the age. 

   This year's been different for me, though. The Advent calendar changed the whole equation and brought more magic in my life. I never thought something so small and humble could do such a difference:) The planning and crafting and then the daily tasks... it definitely put me in the Christmas mood! I used to be sad, bored, or worried. The Advent calendar wiped away all of that and it replaced it with enthusiasm, anticipation and joy. I'm almost on the verge of crying because I realize today's the last day of this special gift called Advent. Such a terrific thing, involving so much dedication, passion and love, more than you thought you had, more than you thought you could give away. The Advent makes you a crafter, a loving, nurturing and thoughtful being. Everybody should experience it: giving and receiving love in the most innocent way possible:)

   The past Christmases have been beautiful, as long as I was a child. Then it all turned into a must and it somehow lost its feeling while growing up. This year I feel mature enough to know how to make the difference and how to keep the spirit alive: it all comes down to letting yourself enjoy the little things. Live Christmas exactly like kids do. And that's what the Advent brought along:) I'm sure the future Christmases will be just as beautiful as this one: with love, peace, joy, family, friends and a lot of creativity (Advent included). Because in the end that's what makes the difference. Letting yourself be a kid no matter the age while celebrating the birth of the most miraculous child on Earth:) 

   I know... it didn't snow this year. But I brought snow inside:) And now, happiness is all around. In my eyes and in the eyes of everyone who gazed at my Christmas tree. What more could I wish for?

Feeling the Christmas magic,

D.

My December

   Dear diary,

   My December's been crazy so far: Advent calendars to open, tasks to accomplish, work in the kindergarten, prepare for an exam and a long trip to Bucharest. I felt taken away in a fast carousel that I could barely keep up with. I had moments (still do) when I wished I could have paused time so that I could have enjoyed every day left till Christmas because each year I get the feeling that time passes too fast in December. 

    So I went to Bucharest:) It's been a trip that came at the perfect moment cos I've never seen it in December. Never seen its lights, its fairs, its gifts and treasures. And you know how much I love Christmas and traveling.

   At first I had to solve the exam thingie. So I took my friend and tried to find an address in a huge city I didn't know. What did I do? I asked around. Cos Google maps drops my phone battery like crazy. The exam experience was way better than I anticipated. Those people really liked what I was telling them. They were smiling and enjoying it and we had such a pleasant conversation. You know how oral exams are. You go out and people ask you: "How was it?" and then you say "Okay, I guess." I told them "It was GREAT!" while grinning. How many people do that?

   Then, after checking the Must Do thing in the big city, there came visiting my dear friends and a planned journey to see the Christmas lights. But somewhere among all those I got time to observe and think. Bucharest seems to have a completely different culture than Cluj. They have a funny accent, they react and behave differently, they are... a different species. And as much as I loved riding the subway it was sooo weird to get confused every time I had to change it. No worries, Bucharest people looked just as confused. How weird is that? So I decided. I wouldn't move to the capital even if I got a big, fat salary. I love my dear city. It's easy, comfy and it has everything I need in it. Including family, friends, boyfriend, dream job and everything else. 

   On the other hand, Bucharest had awesome things as well: wonderful friends, amazing Christmas lights, yummy fairs and a lot of experiences waiting to be lived. I bought the cheapest books, the cutest decorations and I received the best Advent calendar! Not to mention the happy tears of listening to a friend playing the piano on notes of Debussy or singing Adele. 

   It was a perfect experience: the sound of the train, scary people, cute people, warm people, helpful people, crowds everywhere, lights, lights, lights, mulled wine, comfy dizziness, Advent, happy tears, life stories on the train. It was my December or at least the first half of it:) 

My little Advent game

   4 weeks, 27 days, 7 Advent calendars, 175 individual things. It was all a blast, sometimes a pain in the ass, but nevertheless, the awesomest crafting project I took in.

   Like I previously said, I saw chocolate Advent calendars in shops but never really understood the rules and its purpose. This year I researched it and plunged into not one, but 7 handmade Advent calendars. I made a list of the people I thought would want to take part into this beautiful idea, this little game that makes us feel Christmas for 24 days, before it's even here. Luckily they all accepted to craft and share an Advent calendar. 

   And so the Advent adventure began... this game that brings happiness on people's face, the game that makes you feel loved, appreciated, taken into consideration. The game that makes you feel like a kid again. One that can't wait for tomorrow's task or treat, one that knows how to enjoy the Advent calendar at its best. 

   Stage one after deciding I want to do this was RESEARCH all the possible ideas of crafting such calendars. I found amazing printables that people were so kind to share for free. I found wonderful ideas of tasks that are meant to make you sweep in the Christmas mood all month long:)

   Stage two was ENTHUSIASM. I was sooo thrilled about finding a different Advent calendar idea for each of my recipients and about coming up with special tasks that I knew would make people happy. I could already see their happy face when they would each receive their special Advent calendar carefully made with such love and passion:) I was in the 9th cloud all along the first 2 weeks. Work... craft... work... craft! And I loved it all!

   Stage three was FRUSTRATION. And all this because I had some difficulties in crafting one of the ideas... for my boyfriend! It wouldn't turn out the way I wanted it to be and I would be so frustrated each time I had to work on it. But thank God, it all ended and it was all okay.

   Stage four was FATIGUE. After two weeks and 4 calendars down (including a frustrating one) I began to feel knocked down. I needed to finish all the 7 calendars and 7 handmade Christmas cards by December 1st so my nights became white and my days became sleepy. I had days when I went to sleep at 9 PM and days when I wasn't in the mood for crafting. Even so, every time I looked at the final products a big grin could be seen on my face:)

   Stage five and the last one was PRIDE. Why? Because I did it. It's December 1st and all my calendars are done, the Christmas cards included:) I already gave away 4 of them, 3 more to go:) Can't wait to see my friends smile and can't wait to hear their joyful feedback on each day of the Calendar. 

   All in all, the Advent calendar is such an amazing opportunity for all those Christmas lovers out there! It's the wonderful gesture of thinking about others and involving all your attention in a little, tiny game of love:)

   

It's December already and I can't believe it. Let the Advent adventure truly begin! Let's do tasks and enjoy treats! Let's feel Christmas all around us! <3

P.S. Here are the final results for my 7 Advent calendars (and how my desk looked like for the whole month):

Advent in progress

   Dear diary,

   I know I didn't write to you when I was supposed to, but these past days I got caught in something so beautiful, amazing and creative it got all my attention. I didn't do anything else but plan and organize the Advent Calendars for 7 of my closest friends:) I can't wait to get to work! 

   The thing is that this is the first year I'm doing this. Funny how every year I stumbled upon it and I never understood its purpose but I never thought about looking it up. I guess we keep learning all our life. The beautiful thing is that it came in the right moment. You know I already started looking for Christmas decorations but that's just for me. This thingie... this is about paying the Christmas spirit forward. And making people happy. And inspiring them. I can't tell you how happy this idea made me feel when I finally understood what it meant and how enthusiastic I am now while planning it. Like I told my mom the other day, it makes me feel like competing in a terrific crafting contest:D 

   Actually I want to tell you something. I feel the need to be thankful today. First, I'm thankful for those people who planned a vacation in the middle of the semester cos this way I get to have 2 free days (Thank God!) Then I'm really thankful for the people who invented the Advent Calendar. I know it comes from Germany. God bless Germans! Third, I want to thank the awesome people who posted online so many free Advent templates that we can print, craft and decorate. Yesterday I behaved exactly like a kid on Christmas morning. I was soooo happy to discover so many beautiful ideas that I can put into practice for my friends:) I... just.. LOVE it! I love the idea of an Advent Calendar which helps you get into the Christmas spirit with those little things that can change your whole day:) ... or even your whole month:) 

   Dear diary, I donno about other people, but even though I don't particularly love winter, Christmas is DEFINITELY my time of the year and not those 3 days in particular but the whole month and a half that precedes it:) This Christmas fever makes me forget about anything that might worry me. And the Advent calendar is the best way of making Christmas gifts. Because this way, instead of getting something big that you might not like all that much, you get little pieces of a terrific Christmas to be:)

   I don't think there are enough words in the English vocabulary to describe how I feel right now. It's that feeling when you find exactly what you were looking for. The thing that completely describes you. Do you know what I mean?:) You do, don't you?

Until next time,

Advent(ian) love,

D.

Day 365. The big day

   Today's the last day of my daily journey through my first year of adulthood, the year I started working. 

   It was a project I dived into because I wanted to fight the laziness that comes to us artists from time to time. A project to encourage me to take photos and write in spite of having little free time. It wasn't easy. I had to come up with new photos and new posts every day. Some days I had no idea what to write about because nothing special happened to me then but I still had to do my homework so I had to look deep down and find a piece of mind hidden on a forgotten shelf. Yes, a couple of days I thought about postponing or canceling the project but each time my inner voice told me I have to finish what I started. And here I am now.

   This experiment made me look at my life through a magnifying glass and find emotions and thoughts I didn't pay attention to all the time. 

   These past 365 days I had the chance to analyse myself, my reactions and my choices, my worries and my moments of happiness. It was a bildungsroman I got the chance to read while writing it.

   And like any other bildungsroman, I started with 0 work experience, a lot of theoretical information that I wasn't going to use in the kindergarten, questions, doubts and anxieties. 

I felt my hands were tied and my expectations were too high. I was down...

But I knew I loved kids more than anything.

Because when kids smile and they tell you they love you, it's all you need to move on.

I found little things that made my days beautiful and that made my inner photographer really proud.

I always did what I love. I cooked and I baked.

I read a lot. For me and for the exam I had to take this summer. There were books and movies I'll always remember. 

And a lot of movie like moments. 

I spent a lot of time in the middle of the nature. I saw sunrises, sunsets, gloomy clouds, rain and snow.

Autumn, winter, spring and summer. 

I celebrated Christmas, New Year's Eve and Easter. I finally had the Christmas tree of my dreams.

I gave and received gifts.

I spent precious time with my friends, family and my beloved boyfriend.

 I received an amazing birthday cake from my best friend, I went to my first color fight and I had my first textbook sleepover.

I made new friends. Dogs, cats and people who helped me rediscover my childhood and my adolescence. 

My feet went to a lot of places.

I was sick, sad and worried. I questioned life and existence. I complained.

But each time I fell down, I stood up and moved on stronger.

I learned I still need to work on being patient.

And accepting change.

I learned that I have to fight for what I believe in.

And always find a reason to smile.

That it's good to keep your spirit young especially if you're living an adult life.

Shoot for the stars,

And be creative. 

Love unconditionally,

Be yourself even if the world expects to see something different.

And keep close to whatever makes you happy:)

 It's been a wonderful journey. One that I'm planning to continue. Not daily but still, twice a week. On Tuesdays and Saturdays. 

Thanx for sticking around and reading my posts, supporting me and putting me on the right direction. It was all very helpful:) See you next Tuesday!:)