Christmas Past, Present and Future

   Dear diary,

   It's Christmas day again. That time of the year when I'm filled with both sadness and joy: sadness cos I can't believe a whole year has passed already and joy because I can witness the most wonderful time of the year again:) The one I was looking forward to since January, the same one that allows me to be a kid no matter the age. 

   This year's been different for me, though. The Advent calendar changed the whole equation and brought more magic in my life. I never thought something so small and humble could do such a difference:) The planning and crafting and then the daily tasks... it definitely put me in the Christmas mood! I used to be sad, bored, or worried. The Advent calendar wiped away all of that and it replaced it with enthusiasm, anticipation and joy. I'm almost on the verge of crying because I realize today's the last day of this special gift called Advent. Such a terrific thing, involving so much dedication, passion and love, more than you thought you had, more than you thought you could give away. The Advent makes you a crafter, a loving, nurturing and thoughtful being. Everybody should experience it: giving and receiving love in the most innocent way possible:)

   The past Christmases have been beautiful, as long as I was a child. Then it all turned into a must and it somehow lost its feeling while growing up. This year I feel mature enough to know how to make the difference and how to keep the spirit alive: it all comes down to letting yourself enjoy the little things. Live Christmas exactly like kids do. And that's what the Advent brought along:) I'm sure the future Christmases will be just as beautiful as this one: with love, peace, joy, family, friends and a lot of creativity (Advent included). Because in the end that's what makes the difference. Letting yourself be a kid no matter the age while celebrating the birth of the most miraculous child on Earth:) 

   I know... it didn't snow this year. But I brought snow inside:) And now, happiness is all around. In my eyes and in the eyes of everyone who gazed at my Christmas tree. What more could I wish for?

Feeling the Christmas magic,

D.

The monsters within

   Dear diary,

   These past days I've been too tired to think... stressed with the registration for a big exam next summer, preparing to go to Bucharest for a degree and hand making 7 advent calendars (I finally realized people around me were right. They're too many!). Aaaaand on top of all this, counseling kids, parents and teachers every day and doing all the other things my job involves. You'd say it's easy peasy, right? Cos I love my job, but somehow, I donno how, every time I get home I'm sooo tired and worn out that I'm not even in the mood for the calendars. And there's just one week left (ouch!). No worries. I'll make it work and I'll learn. Settle for less next year:) 

   Thing is I've been observing myself this past week and I realized what I learned in school was true: our brain is truly prone to negativity... especially MINE. I had so many things going on lately and my brain chose to see only the bad parts. It was like it was trying to make a puzzle only from the things that "could go wrong", "did go wrong" or "might have gone wrong". And all this because I'm a perfectionist and I can't settle for less than 100%. So it seems that other percentages scare me. They make me think of scenarios that most probably aren't true. They make me doubt myself. 

   I'm a psychologist and I'm not perfect. I have problems, fears, things about me that I wish I could change but I can't. And that scares me the most. I'm not perfect. I'll never be. Some parents will judge me no matter how much I try to help them, kids will never be angels, there will be times when I won't be able to control everything and I'll have to depend on people, money will be scarce and in the middle of all this I need somebody to remind me life goes on and ignorance is bliss. 

   I really wish I could turn off my "caring button" from time to time. But I know that what parents instilled in us during childhood remains with us our whole life. It will be a constant battle, sometimes I'll win, other times I'll lose. I just have to remember to lift my head and go on. Even if I'm bone-tired. 

   Christmas is just around the corner. It's time to get a good night sleep and start fresh tomorrow. The awesomest month is approaching!

ZzzzZzzzz,

D.

Advent in progress

   Dear diary,

   I know I didn't write to you when I was supposed to, but these past days I got caught in something so beautiful, amazing and creative it got all my attention. I didn't do anything else but plan and organize the Advent Calendars for 7 of my closest friends:) I can't wait to get to work! 

   The thing is that this is the first year I'm doing this. Funny how every year I stumbled upon it and I never understood its purpose but I never thought about looking it up. I guess we keep learning all our life. The beautiful thing is that it came in the right moment. You know I already started looking for Christmas decorations but that's just for me. This thingie... this is about paying the Christmas spirit forward. And making people happy. And inspiring them. I can't tell you how happy this idea made me feel when I finally understood what it meant and how enthusiastic I am now while planning it. Like I told my mom the other day, it makes me feel like competing in a terrific crafting contest:D 

   Actually I want to tell you something. I feel the need to be thankful today. First, I'm thankful for those people who planned a vacation in the middle of the semester cos this way I get to have 2 free days (Thank God!) Then I'm really thankful for the people who invented the Advent Calendar. I know it comes from Germany. God bless Germans! Third, I want to thank the awesome people who posted online so many free Advent templates that we can print, craft and decorate. Yesterday I behaved exactly like a kid on Christmas morning. I was soooo happy to discover so many beautiful ideas that I can put into practice for my friends:) I... just.. LOVE it! I love the idea of an Advent Calendar which helps you get into the Christmas spirit with those little things that can change your whole day:) ... or even your whole month:) 

   Dear diary, I donno about other people, but even though I don't particularly love winter, Christmas is DEFINITELY my time of the year and not those 3 days in particular but the whole month and a half that precedes it:) This Christmas fever makes me forget about anything that might worry me. And the Advent calendar is the best way of making Christmas gifts. Because this way, instead of getting something big that you might not like all that much, you get little pieces of a terrific Christmas to be:)

   I don't think there are enough words in the English vocabulary to describe how I feel right now. It's that feeling when you find exactly what you were looking for. The thing that completely describes you. Do you know what I mean?:) You do, don't you?

Until next time,

Advent(ian) love,

D.