Hang in there!

Dear diary,

   I probably told you this before, but now and then I keep having a deep sense of helplessness when I'm at work. I realized that my first year in the kindergarten was very different to this one (the third). Back then I was full of desire, hope and will to change the world/the kindergarten into a better place and help all the needy kids. Now I know I can actually change only 1% of what I wanted back then and that makes me feel really useless sometimes. 

   It's hard to see yourself willing to help but facing the resistance of the parents who don't want to cooperate or are absolutely convinced that their kids are perfectly fine. Just as tough is to see how many kids have permissive parents who let them have everything they want without any rule or boundary. So then, when they come to the kindergarten we face really difficult kids who don't want to obey you at all and who always do the opposite of what they're told. I know, you might say we don't know how to act properly, but believe me, we've tried EVERYTHING and sometimes, in days like this you just collapse. 

   And little by little, I started resembling some of my fellow coworkers' way of thinking. They left the educational system in favor of opening their own private practice because they realized that working in a kindergarten or school doesn't bring you the satisfaction you wished for at first. I don't seriously consider leaving the system yet, but it's funny how in the first year I wouldn't understand them, and now I feel exactly the same. It's very, very tough to be a psychologist that isn't listened to and even harder to be a teacher. It takes all the patience you have and a great deal of work done with yourself in lowering your expectations regarding the kids and their families. 

    But then again, there are days like TODAY, when everything went smoothly. I had great activities with the kids, they were all very involved, willing to cooperate and full of love and for a second there I thought that I might not be changing the whole world, but 1% is a good start.

   So, there you have it. My huge smile today from morning to evening, everywhere I went. I really had a great day and I needed to remind myself that I should hang in there because life has its ups and downs and we all have good days and bad days and I should just keep doing what I love without expecting so much from myself or... the world :)

   By the way, Oliver and I are moving in together this weekend and I've been packing my stuff for a month now. I never believed I own SO MANY THINGS and SO MANY BOOKS. It's all very exciting and I can't wait to tell you all about the move and what comes after :)

Still smiling,

D.