365 days project 2: Day 14. Happy SUNday

   Every day is a miracle. It brings a new gift that can make your day beautiful. It's right there, in front of you, you just have to reach it and grab it. 

   I had the perfect Sunday, full of sun, new books, smiles, kisses, love, addictive games, new recipes and just laying in the sun and soaking it in. You don't need a lot of things to be happy. Anything will do, really. It's just a matter of opening your heart and accepting the wonder of life unfolding in front of you. 

   Happiness day, first day of spring and everything is in bloom. At last, our spring is here. Less than two months :)

I need you to need me

Dear diary,

   Life's short. We all know it. Before dying, some people like to leave behind some wise sayings they developed after an eventful life. I'm not there yet, but I found something pretty important already. After deep conversations with some friends and watching a lot of Breaking Bad lately, I realized that what we all really need in life is not money or any kind of earthly possesions but to be needed, appreciated, loved and valued just the way we are, without future alterations. Nobody wants to be borrowed, rented or stolen and then given back, sold or left on a forgotten shelf somewhere. We're not objects. We're human beings. We have a soul and needs. And the most important one is that we all need to be needed. We lose our grounds when somebody makes us feel replaceable, insignificant, not enough. When we don't match the expectations. And that's what breaks us all. Not being enough. 

   It's so easy to fall down and remain there for the rest of our life. So easy to keep finding reasons to not believe in ourselves when we could be looking for reasons to stand up and go on. Our brain is too complicated to comprehend. I gave up trying after I found out evolution plays a huge part of it. 

   Even though, no matter what happens, we'll always try to be a part of something, of someone's life. We're social beings, so don't blame us, it's in our nature. But what should we do when we feel we're not enough? I think we should take our time, as much as we need, licking our wounds in that deep, dark pit and when we're ready, stand up and try to give this weird, complicated maze a meaning. Find something that keeps us alive and a ball of yarn to unfold and play with while we're discovering the meaning of it all. Learn from our past mistakes and never give up even if we feel like doing it. Never stop playing the game even if it feels too hard to solve. We're here to grow wise, not to die mediocre. 

   We can do so much more than we think we can. We're so powerful and yet, we don't know it. Because we're afraid to see our true self. If we just stepped out of the shades and into the sun letting it fill us with its warmth, we'd see life in a whole different light. So why lay in the shades for the rest of our life? Why be afraid when there's so much more to experience out there? And so many reasons to love ourselves in the first place. Because, just like the old saying goes, if you like yourself the others will like you too. And don't we all like to be liked? :)

Hopeful,

D.

Walking on sunshine

Dear diary,

   Today I remembered how awesome it feels to be high on serotonin. I've been born again once I went out and saw the sun shining over the trees, breathed in the crisp air, listened to the birds chirp and rode the bus on French jazzy notes. 

   I felt like a tourist. The city looked completely different in that beautiful afternoon light, so beautiful that I decided to leave my book aside for some minutes and just enjoy the view. I kept smiling. I smiled at buildings, at a little girl who smiled back at me, at the dog in the bus station while petting him, at my mom who greeted me:) I kept smiling for the rest of the day while cooking for my family and I'm smiling even now while the sun is sound asleep.

   I missed the sun. So much. It made me realize that every day that's not sunny is  yet another day in which we gotta keep holding on until the sun is out. I don't know about others, but the whole world seems different to me when my sunny friend is out for a walk. 

   I missed walking carefreely, looking up and saying "Spring is in the air!" so now I'm happier than ever! Future looks bright already. Can't wait to see what's next!

Still smiling,

D.

   

The twisted labyrinth

   Dear diary,

   My life is a twisted labyrinth. I'll never understand myself completely and it's been a while since we're hanging together. You'd say ups and downs are natural but I don't know if at this rate. 

   After getting on Worry Lane I turned left and fell in a dark pit. It feels lonely down here. I recognize this weird place and I remember managing to get out of it. I just don't feel strong enough to get out just yet. It's that place where you fall every time you remember you're a healer and you give yourself completely to others every day but you receive just a little back. You feel emotionally drained. Unloved. And burdens coming all over you. Then you wake up and feel like you're all alone. So you try to shut it off and stop giving so much but you can't. You just can't be something else than what you were born to be. So you go on being your true self. Because that's what you know best. You close your eyes, shed a tear or two and keep on giving knowing that one day the sun will shine again. 

   Dear diary, I'm looking forward to seeing the sun. Maybe this way I'll climb on a ray and get out of this pit. Who knows what's gonna be next? Hopefully a cheerful street.

All by myself,

D.

Day 313. Count your blessings

   Our brain is prone to seeing the negative side of life first. Because this way it finds problems to solve. But somehow that's our biggest enemy: that we start counting the troubles first and just rarely remember the good things in our life. Indeed, the good ones don't need fixing, but if we don't acknowledge them, be thankful for them or work to preserve them, it will be a matter of time until they turn into some of our troubles. 

   Each evening I sit on my balcony and watch the sunset. The interesting part is that every single day, no matter how gloomy or moody the weather is until 8 o'clock PM, the sun always shines again an hour before setting. And it offers me amazing sunsets and terrific photographic material. Each evening I feel more and more blessed:)

   So, don't forget. No matter how many problems your brain might find during the day, at the end of it:

Day 307. Of beautiful experiences

   Life teaches us lessons but it also gives us opportunities. It's up to us if we want to take them or leave them but some of them might never be "on sale" again:) So why not take every opportunity we have and, for example, transform studying at home into studying in a wonderful place that feels like heaven? 

   My family and I had an amazing day today:) We went back to a place that we totally forgot about and enjoyed it like we did the first time: taking a good bath, relaxing in the sun and gathering positive energy from the spectacular scenery:) At some point rain chased us home but we didn't leave disappointed. Better yet, we said we'd come back here the following days. It was just too good to be true and not being taken advantage of:) Yuuuum!

Day 298. I've got sand in my shoes

   You know those moments when you wanna go places and enjoy life but your daily routine always occurs and you don't? Today I beat that. I got out of the loop and went to a place I used to visit back when I was in second year of faculty, studying for my exams. 

   Oh, this afternoon was perfect! The golden sand, the mild sun, the flowing river, the willow moving in the wind, the feeling of peace that embraced you while you were laying barefoot on the sand. And then there was him. The reason I smile, the reason I love, the reason I am myself and I'm not afraid of it. It felt like time stood still and I just entered another loop. The one where I'm perpetually happy and at peace with myself and the world. I need to go back there again. It's one of those places where I belong:) 

Day 296. Rain aftermath

   Isn't life a continuous sequence of sun and rain? Interestingly, the sun always shines after the rain. No matter how furious the storm, how many problems it causes or how many problems you cause yourself. 

   Story of my life:

   So the storm and I mingled today and we elaborated more problems than we should have. 

   And now that the sun rose I'm trying to figure out which are the real ones and which I have invented and after I'll be done with it the night will come and tomorrow will be another perfect day for making up other problems. It's what I'm best at... And I hate it.

   I wish it would just stop and I could turn off my emotions whenever I feel like. Can I do that? Pleaaaaase?

Day 276. My special game

   I will never forget the 6^th grade when our head teacher proposed a game. She told us to close our eyes and focus on all the sounds we heard around us that we usually ignored. Acknowledge their presence and then try to understand where they came from. The point of the game was to realize that we’re never alone and that a lot of things are always happening around us.

   Today I read on my balcony bathing in the sunset light and I played the game again. I heard kids playing with a ball, a baby crying, a parent trying to soothe him, birds chirping, my dad yawning, the wind gently blowing and I realized one thing: Summer is here!

   The past days I've been upset by the constant in and out rain but… It’s June so that’s normal. All natural for the young, rebellious Summer girl who’s sitting on the other green armchair on my balcony. She’s winking at me and playing with her long, blond hair while the sun is caressing her by sending some mild rays on her fragile body. She’s taking a comfortable position and all of a sudden she seems lost, looking in the distance. Just like trying to figure out if she’s here to stay or she should shake the dust again. She smells like poppies and hay, fresh rain and late summer nights by the lake. She’s a girl and a woman altogether. And she knows it. I don’t dare ask her anything being afraid I might ruin her magic moment so I just lounge on my green armchair and I smile with my eyes closed, bathing in the same sun as her. And when I open my eyes she’s already gone. “See you tomorrow evening, Summer. Same place, same hour. Maybe tomorrow we’ll start talking” :) 

Day 259. Beyond the rain

   It's been raining on and off these days. And it wouldn't even be as annoying if it wasn't for the gloomy clouds and the sleepy mood everyone seems to be into. If it's sunny now, it will rain again in less than an hour. So it seems that Spring is back to being bipolar. And today we match. Actually, we're all like her. All the time. 

   We're fragile little beings that bend according to the wind. A simple word said at the wrong time or in the wrong way can shatter our whole world and yet, another one, can make us raise from the ashes. 

   Words mean everything to us. We're emotional beings and what we say is influenced by our thoughts and emotions. Our whole life is an EKG. Going up and down as the others talk to us and as we do our talking. And we're so influenced by the rain that our whole body goes to sleep wanting to avoid it. And the saddest part is that we're incapable of seeing beyond the rain. I, for one, no matter how much I try to make myself smile while rain is coming over me, I just can't. It's wrapping me in its gloom and it's telling me the saddest story I've ever heard. 

   So here I am, longing for the sun, for better times, for someone to teach me see beyond the rain:)

Day 240. Heaven is a place on Earth

   There are places in this world that make you feel like heaven is a place on Earth. Valea Draganului is precisely one of them. 

   You know, they don't even have to be very special and wow. For me, it's enough if there are different shades of green in spring, leftover pine cones and mountains covered in snow in the distance, the smell of fir trees and a lot of birds singing, just like it was today. 

   Let me tell you what happened. Usually my parents take me to a place in the middle of the nature during the weekends. And sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and watch a movie instead. Today was just like that, but now, at the end of the day, I am thankful for it because we discovered this beauuutiful, new place very close to the Dragan dam where we always go. We were amazed by the fact that in all these years it was right under our nose and we didn't see it. It was so beautiful and I loved it so much there that I decided this was one of the best days of this year! Discovering it filled me with energy that will least for weeks and the joy of having seen a magnificent place God blessed us with.

   The sun was shining and I loved laying on my back and watch the clouds pass and then walk around and enjoy the beautiful scenery while taking pictures. All in all, being there was very relaxing and meditation appropriate. So much that I realized perfection is much less than we think of it. It's not a utopia as long as we believe. And I believe today I reached perfection. Actually the place did:)

   You know, people usually expect to see waterscapes or landscapes in Malaysia, Hawaii or the Alps to call them "pieces of heaven", but you really don't need that to be amazed by nature and by the power of God. It's enough if you go where I went today and see what I saw. Because I'm sure you'd be as amazed and as happy as I was at the end of the day:) 

   So let's try to visit our own country first and be open minded to discovering such little pieces of heaven just like Valea Draganului:) 

Day 226. 10 reasons

  Today was the first time my family and I went for a picnic this year. It was very relaxing and soothing (as always). I even slept like a baby in my chair while laying in the warm sun. The funny part is that I don't remember having done that ever before. There's a first for everything, huh?

  So here's my day in 10 reasons why I love spring:

1. Chilly mornings bathed in a peach sunrise

2. Picnics with family/friends

3. Trees blooming everywhere
4. Fresh green shades (grass and leaves)
5. Easy to bear temperatures (Jeans and T-shirt FTW!)
6. Longer days
7. Butterflies
8. More sun!
9. Tulips and daffodils
10. Less clothes, more feminine! Plus, people think you lost weight!:P

What about you?

Day 194. Like a phoenix

   Today it rained. Then the sun came out. And then it rained some more. It's like Spring herself was crying over a break up and then she was smiling between tears. 

   I know it's hard to be at the bottom of the mountain and try to climb it back again, but if you've got someone to make you smile between tears, then you're the happiest person alive. 

   In the end, we all need help from time to time. It's only a matter of wanting to accept it or not:) And spring took it. I did as well. And now we're both raising from our ashes like a phoenix. 

Day 184. The sun within

   Sometimes we cloud our mind with useless fears. It's like we set a storm free willingly. And then we wonder where the sun is. 

   We all know the sun is always behind the storm, but first we gotta understand that our irrational fears might bring storms that can get out of control. Moreover, they will drag our loved ones in and everything's gonna turn into a big, ugly hurricane. 

   Do you love hurricanes? What about storms? Then why do you start them willingly? Stop and breathe. You're not gonna be better if you worry or if you're afraid. Understand your fears and then work with them. Only then you'll be better.

Day 179. Go with the wind

   Today a furious wind took over the city. Even if the sun was trying to shine and make everything look brighter, the wind would always be one step ahead. 

   I changed my coat today. Took a lighter one. And the wind took me by surprise. This made me think of the times when we're taken by surprise and we go with the wind that steal us away from ourselves. Would you let yourself be bent and broken by the wind? Or would you stand still and fight? Would you start complaining or would you do something about it? Sometimes it's ok to go with the wind because it's like going with the flow, but in most cases doing this can only cause you more trouble. 

    So, less going with the wind and more fighting. Become a warrior. Stand still and always remember who you are and what you want. Never let them set boundaries that harm your personality, your real self. Be yourself no matter the weather! Be strong! 

Day 178. It's all about the journey

   ... not the destination, they say:) Today my family and I made a new step in our family tradition journey:) We went in the search of spring. And we found her:)

   We chose a different spot this time. One that we visited 4 years ago. Interestingly, we remembered details that helped us arrive exactly where Spring was laying in the woods. But today we took a new road, different than last time. Are you afraid of the new? I am, too. But I trust my dad. He has a good spatial orientation:) So our team began its walk towards the lonely woods, towards patches of snow and mild wind. When entering the forest an intense feeling of peace and joy caught me completely. I felt I was there and then. And nothing else mattered. 

   We continued our journey while gazing around and enjoying the sun embracing us through the trees. In the end we arrived at the destination. Snowdrops were peaking at us from everywhere. They were here and there, in the valley and on the little hill. But they were shy. Still not prepared to fully blossom. We carefully picked some and then we took some photos of us. I promised I'd frame one of them because we should forever remember today. This perfect spring day that God bestowed upon us:) 

   The road home made me smile once more because I realized all this journey helped me find myself, the same feeling I have after visiting a church. I really felt I connected with everything around me. I breathed spring, I let her come around me and enter my lungs, my heart, my everything. I feel complete. Right here, right now.

Day 173. Daughter of the sun

   These days I'm reading a book about the King of Summer and the Queen of Winter, a teenage fiction that makes me daydream about the beautiful summer days, the lazy afternoons and the amazing sunsets, the smell in the air after a summer rain and all the benefits of a warm season. That's why every sunny day that leaves winter behind fills me up with happiness and steals away any dark thought.

   Today the walk back home was more pleasant than ever. You don't usually notice the birds, but today they they were chirping so happily that I couldn't help myself not smile all the way. The sun made me feel more powerful than ever. That's how I realized. I am a daughter of the sun, a fairy of the King of Summer. Give me the sun and you'll make me the happiest person alive:)

Day 172. Happy coincidences

   Sometimes I'm really happy I can write my memories in here. There are some days which totally sweep you off your feet... those remarkable days that you'll want to remember. Today was one of them:)

   The morning rain was announcing a terrible day, but that was actually just the wrapping of the present. It scared me, but as the day passed and I opened my present I realized sometimes a beautiful thing can be wrapped in plain paper that turns you off. If you, however, have the patience to unwrap the present, the real beauty will come to light. 

   Out of nowhere my schedule cleared and a bright sun started to shine through the trees outside my office window. It was too good to be true:) I felt like reading in the park but I remembered the park wasn't green yet so I let that idea aside. By the time I decided to go home I found out my boyfriend had free time and he wanted to go walk in the park as well:) Sometimes things connect and you don't even have to move a finger. So this is how I ended up in the park with my loved one bathing in the warm sun and enjoying the life of a student... that careless life when you feel free to do anything you want and responsibility isn't written in your dictionary yet. I missed feeling like a student:) Working can limit you to behaving like an adult and forgetting to enjoy the little opportunities life gives you. But today I said "yes" and it felt sooo good:) 

   As I was putting the wrapping away I realized there was something else in the box. "Life of Pi". I knew it was supposed to be a good movie but for some reason I kept avoiding it. Until today. My whole family watched it. We laughed, we stared in amazement, we waited and then we sighed. It was one of those movies that exceed your expectations. Wow. Just wow. And here's the thing that impressed me the most:

"In the end the whole life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye."

   Today I was drunk with happiness, sunshine and freedom. I want to feel this again:) The feeling of youth makes you young again. And who doesn't want to be young?

Day 170. Let it spring

Dear diary,

   

    Today I was eagerly waiting to go meet her. I wasn't sure she would be waiting for me, but she sent me some signs these past days so I kept my hopes up:) The city is not hers yet so I went to the forest and started looking for her between the trees, through the dead leaves, in the air, everywhere. I was patient enough and after some time I did. I found her. She was very shy, well hidden and barely wanting to be discovered, but there she was: in the snowdrop buds showing up through the leaves, in the sun shining warmly, in the smiles of relaxed people. 

   Winter's gone. Or at least she has her luggage done. So I took Spring by the hand and I welcomed her. I hugged her dearly and I told her I'm going to take care of her from now on. Try to keep her happy. We all like sunny days, don't we? 

   I even had a room make-over at home. I put away all the wintery stuff and made place for touches of spring. And snowdrops are now my most precious jewelry. There they stand as I'm writing to you:) They're smiling at me because we both know I'll be born again this spring. 

   I can't wait for her arrival in the city, to walk with her and catch up just like old friends do:) ... I feel like a teenager... Maybe that's the effect she has on me and I'm willing to accept it as a part of who I am because every time she's around I'm being myself again:) So let it spring!:)

Love,

D.

Day 147. Can you feel it?

   Today one of the four sisters, Spring, revealed to me some of her blessings. She sent the sun to shine the whole day on a clear sky, birds to sing in the trees and snow to melt here and there:) It was beauuutiful:) Laying in the sun warmed you up and if you closed your eyes you could have sworn it was spring already. 

   Today I was told that I'm silly for taking photos to everything around me and not just to new cities I'm visiting and that photographers in general are rather nuts:P I can't but disagree and call myself a mere dreamer who seeks reasons of happiness everywhere around me. Wouldn't you if you wanted to be happy? Would you rather wait for the big things in your life to let yourself smile? I know I wouldn't:)