365 days project 2. Day 57. Parenthood

   Parenthood - I think about this concept more and more these days because a lot of people my age are having babies around me.
   Working with kids makes me meditate upon this subject thoroughly very often. Some would say that thinking about it could be my body telling me I'm ready to have a baby myself. I don't agree. I think that choosing to be a parent is a major lifechanging decision that has to be well thought before. It involves sacrificing yourself and your time to raise a human being. And not just raising it to become a functional, healthy person but also to mould it in order to leave the world better than they found it.

   Being a parent involves being a teacher and not everybody is made to be a teacher. Kids are a gift you can't give back. Ever. It's an experience that will change you forever and that will switch your priorities. 

   Are we ready to have kids or are we still having them just because we come of age and it's expected of us? How many of the parents that have kids now are good parents, ready parents and how many of young people my age jump into it just because that's the next step after getting married? I know friends who had kids because they really wanted them and even if they were not completely ready mentally speaking (are we ever?) they learn to be good parents every day. That's an option too :) 

   I only wish that we have kids when WE choose and when we feel we are ready both financially and mentally so that those kids can have a bright future.
   I thought about it for a while and I choose to wait some more. I still need to learn.

Day 134. Mistakes

   People make mistakes. And then they learn from them. Our mistakes make us who we are at the present. They teach us good lessons like paying more attention and being more careful about planning and making decisions. They are the experience that separates us from the newbies.

   Today I took the wrong bus... for the third time in my life. I thought I had learned my lesson by now, but being impatient has its costs. This other bus led me a little farther away from home. During my walk I thought that if I had simply looked back I could have taken the right bus. A second of attention would have saved me. It could have been worse though (a fine included) so I'm happy it wasn't. I know this might have been life's way of showing me I still have to work on being patient... again and again and again until it's there, inside me and it's me who's controlling it and not the reverse. So I decide to take another step towards it and open my eyes next time. Let's see how that's gonna go.

"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." 

Kevyn Aucoin 

Day 120. No coincidences

   

   In the book I'm reading lately a police inspector said that "there is no such thing as coincidence". In the world of crimes he might be right. It's not the first time I hear this expression though. Some say that whenever we meet someone we know on the street or have the same thought as somebody... it's supposed to happen like that. I tend to agree because I believe in "everything happens for a reason". On the other hand, I know some people believe in a universe where everything's made by chance and where our decisions shape our future, but what if that very day I have to meet that very person who changes my life? Or remind me I have to do something? Or invite me to the theatre and that play changes something in my life? What if from time to time we make a big, rational decision without knowing that it's exactly the one we have to make to get to a certain spot and learn a certain lesson? What if there's a girl called Destiny who's reading us the story of our life as we live it? It might be like this: we make our own decisions but we get to the place we are destined to just like having the chance of climbing a mountain through various paths but reaching the same top no matter the path we follow:) 

   I wouldn't mind having a preset of my life because that would only organize me better. I like bringing color to it through my own ways and still going where I have to go, learn the lessons that we all have to learn and reach that final point wisely. If the destiny thing would be real, I just wonder: why is it that some people are allowed to live longer and others so little? In the end, is it our decisions that bring us our death or was it written to be like this? Maybe the answer lies somewhere in the middle. 

Day 81. About second chances

   

   Each day we have to be creative, starting with what we're eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner, what we're wearing that day, how we're going to school/work, how and when we study for the exams and so on. Today I realized that not always the first idea is also the best. Rushing only leads to facing the bad outcomes of our own decision. That's why we should take our time and ponder more often about the costs and the benefits of that idea and the decision that comes with it. If that doesn't help, second chances might.

   Luckily, in my case, it was just about decorating the Christmas tree from my office in blue, silver and white. Bad call. It looked somehow odd in the end. Pitty I was so enthuziastic about having a second Christmas tree this year that I didn't take time to think if I really liked the result. I just wanted something different and I went with the flow. In the end I had mixed feelings... On one hand, I was disappointed about my blue idea but on the other hand I was happy to have my best friend over and decorate the odd Christmas tree together:) At the end of the day, I gave myself a second chance. Second chances are good sometimes.

   So... all the blue and silver Christmas balls are history (call me perfectionist - also, the photo looks better than reality, trust me). Tomorrow is going to be a brand new day for decorating: Red and White this time:) And it's going to look gorgeous. Santa is red and white, right? He must know something^^

Day 77. Pride and prejudice

   People are different and they each have their own opinions and their own tastes. We know that already. It's the weird strong beliefs that some people have that shocked me today. 
   I announced the kids the dance class was about to start when a little girl of about 4 years old became very upset and told me she didn't want to dance because her mom thinks "dance is such a stupid thing to do" and "our Lord doesn't like us to dance". 
   Can you imagine how many times that mother had to repeat those two sentences to that little girl so that she would strongly believe in it and behave accordingly? I know how christians are. I've been there, I've done that. And I still consider myself a christian, just not a fanatic one anymore. But doing this to a child is, in my opinion, destructive. It's one thing if YOU, the adult, believe something because of your experience and the influence some people had on you and it's another thing to force your little one to believe in the same things as you do, to set boundaries so tight that he couldn't be free anymore. 
   I bet that little girl has more rules than rights and I'm honestly sorry for that. Yes, you might say: "Why does it matter if she's happy like that? Why does it matter if her parents love her and give her everything she needs to grow up and be on her own?" You know, this beautiful life God gave us each is not only about the basic needs. It's also about discovering the outer world and setting your own particular rules to guide your life around. 
   I'm amazed some people can be like that when they say they believe in a loving God. Isn't it written in the same Bible we all believe in that “I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything but I will not be mastered by anything?" (1 Corinthians 6:12) It's the purpose you set that makes it a sin. How can a little child sin while dancing? How can dance therapy be a sin or even ballet? And how can someone get to be a dancer without jumping and dancing around the room since he was so little he could barely walk? There are many people in the world who would tell you that dancing saved their life when everything else was ruined.

   But in the end, it all comes down to pride and prejudice and it's a pitty. We should think twice before acting and even three times before telling our child to stop dancing because it's a stupid thing to do. He can't make his own decisions yet so why not let him explore and know the world first and only HELP him make good decisions?

Day 73. Lovestruck

   I looked up the title in the urban dictionary. It fits perfectly for how I felt today. Not related to a person, though. It's related to the amazing, beautiful clock in the picture above. I met "him" in a hypermarket here in my town and I fell in love with it. I knew I had to get it. The price was extremely convenient as well but then... I took a minute and I started thinking: "Where would I put it? It doesn't fit with the rest of my room. It doesn't necessarely fit in my office at the kindergarten. I don't have my own place yet... It would definitely fit in a romantic kitchen with lots of plants. Nevertheless, I don't own that kitchen yet." So I eventually decided I had to break up with the idea of purchasing the clock. I had regrets and I've been thinking about it ever since I left the store... I still really want to have it. I can't explain why. I just know I do... and one day I will have it.

   This happens to us all the time. Walking around window shopping and suddenly laying our eyes on something extraordinary. That's when we know we're lovestruck. And we can't rest until we buy that amazing thing. Do we really need it right then? Of course we don't. But something inside us is yelling: "That's ME, that's exactly what I would pick if I looked for that. I want it! I want it now!" And maybe there should't be any second thoughts because it's so rear the chance when you find something as extraordinary as that. Be it shoes, accesories, clothes, books, decorations, furniture or many other things. 

   If you take the decision to follow your brain instead of your heart, just like when you fall for a person, your heart won't rest until you get what you want. So, forget the brain and follow your heart. You probably won't find that particular thing when you'll be looking for it and having the chance of finding it all of a sudden, when you least expect... that gotta be destiny:)

Day 56. Guilty angel

   It's been almost a year since it began... the treasure hunt for angels:) I've always loved them for one reason or another, be it because I believe in guardian angels or because of their special appearance and their mystical aura. 

   I've never been too much into collecting stuff though. I only remember collecting callendars but I gave up easily on that one so this decision began like a childlike game of Christmas and it still is one. Each time I find new angel decorations and I enrich my collection I get extatic just like a child... but after purchasing the angels there comes the guilt. Sometimes I think it might not be worth it since it's not a basic need. I'm human. I was raised a certain way. A way that prices the value of food and shelter. Nevertheless, inside myself there's a different part of me who screams at the top of her lungs because she wants attention. I want to listen to her too. So I allow myself to buy some angels from time to time. After a long while, today I bought some and it felt good:) 

   In the end, it's all about balance. After watching a show today and seeing how shopaholic people are, I call myself pretty healthy:) So, let the angel treasure hunt continue:) Out with the guilt:)