Day 359. Goodbye summer

   The last day of summer feels just like the last page of that wonderful book you don't want to end. It's the last spoon of your favorite cake, the last drop of coffee with your best friend, the last minute of a breathtaking sunset. 

   This day has so much emotion in it that you don't know what to do with it. It's like you're holding a jar full of bits of happiness, melancholy, longing, ecstasy, sadness and eagerness altogether. It's what you felt these past 3 months. It was the time when you were able to fulfill your dreams, the time you were looking forward to, the most time spent dating... yourself:) And now it's coming to an end just like any other beautiful thing. The good part about it though is that you stored all the memories you made. Now you can go back to them whenever you'll feel blue during those long, rainy autumn days. 

   So open the lid and take out happiness. Hold onto it. Because knowing you were happy during summer will give you enough energy to be happy during autumn as well. And remember. Autumn can be an awesome season. So don't spend time feeling melancholic for the past summer, invest it in making new memories that would make you just as happy as summer did. Smile:) An awesome, golden autumn is just around the corner:)

Day 357 & Day 358. Textbook sleepover

   Yaaaay, time for this year's sleepover at my best friend's place <3 This time we wanted to make it textbook. So I planned some activities that teenagers do at a sleepover. It's one of those things you wanna do right, you know?:) Like in the movies. 

   We had a looot of fun with the Friendship test where we both succeeded to get a really high score out of 37 questions! Our 10 year friendship was productive:) Then we cooked and sang and danced while cooking and we ate some yummy food (seems like we cook best when we're together:D) and started watching a movie. When... I got all sleepy cos I woke up early. 

   Today we watched some more movies, had a Truth or Truth (cos we didn't need dares:)) ) game and an awesome pillow fight. 

   At the end of the day the whole list was checked:) And boy, did we have a good time! We decided to continue this habit every year no matter where we are. Get together and spend 2 awesome days while going crazy, young and beautiful. Because life has to be lived and friendships have to be celebrated!:)

   When I got home I felt like I was gone in a trip in a different city:) I had my bonding time, my relaxation time, the awesome time I needed before summer comes to an end. So now I am ready. Let there be autumn!:)

Day 356. The lovely bones

   I just saw a powerful movie. The lovely bones. It messed me up completely. Now anything I see on Facebook seems so mundane, random and useless. Because it was about a 14 year old girl who was murdered and kept in between the worlds the whole movie. I know, it sounds rather cliche but it was so painful to watch the reaction of her family. A beautiful, perfect family who didn't deserve this. How do you get over something like this? How can you continue to live your life and cope with such an intense pain? And how can a serial killer not get caught after more than 7 similar acts?

   The ending messed me up more than anything: "I was here and now I'm not. Have a long and happy life". I connected to that more than anything because I once had a dream where I was murdered myself. And in the dream, after I realized what had just happened, my voice narrated: "This was my life: short and unfulfilled." Yep. I was here and now I'm not. I had my whole life ahead of me and now I don't anymore. That freaks me out. Death freaks me out. 

   My high school psychology teacher used to say that we'd be nuts not to be afraid of dying. So I guess it's all natural. I don't wanna go though. I wanna get old and bored of living before going. I don't wanna see dear people die. I couldn't bear it. Death is such a frightening concept. And we keep living life avoiding it as much as we can with the illusion of immortality imprinted in us. Because how else could we step over the lovely bones of all the painful experiences we've been through? We close our eyes and step in the unknown. And hope for the best.

Day 355. Forever ago

   Today I accidentally plunged in my past and I noticed it didn't hurt so I decided to swim deeper and deeper. It made me realize how much I miss a dear friend I lost contact with, how much things have changed around during the past 5 years and I ended up asking myself if I had changed as well. 

   So I called my best friend over to take a look at our life then (during high school teenage years when we were desk mates) and now (when we're already employed emerging adults). It was kinda difficult for me to remember past experiences so way back because once I closed that book and forgot it on a shelf in the attic I only remembered closer experiences from university. So I had to go back to the attic and dig for the lost book. Then I started comparing. Then and Now. Now and Then. 

   You'd say the result is expected. Kinda like textbook development. I still like the same general things, just that now I know exactly which ones and how I like them to be. Take psychology for example. Back in high school I started being interested in the field and I knew I wanted to become a psychologist because I loved listening to people. Now I am practicing it but I'm a school psychologist not a clinical therapist because I realized I love kids more than anything and that therapy is way more complicated than it seemed back then:) 

   You could say my search has been refined and now not only than I know exactly who I am and what I'm looking for, but I'm also in a stable relationship for 4 years. So THEN was all about exploring options and NOW is all about a single road I chose to follow. I love photography, writing, English and people. That's who I am and that's who I'm always gonna be:) I didn't change, I just evolved. I got out of my cocoon and now I'm flying around as a beautiful butterfly:) 

Day 354. Empathy gone wrong

   Today was one of those days when you empathized with the weather more than you had planned to. You let the gloomy clouds and the heavy rain get to you, so you were cranky and bored all day and you knew nothing you do could change that. 

   You wish things could be different and you could be like other people who just see rain as mere water coming from the sky and gloomy clouds as random weather. Today you wish that more than ever. You know everything is an illusion and it's all in your head as much as you know you can't really control it. You tried it before and it was always more powerful than you. 

   It is what it is. So maybe the only option available in this case is finding something that would turn your day upside down. A reason to smile, a reason to fall in love with today:) Guess what, when you want it hard enough, that reason reveals to you and even if outside it's pouring rain the sun inside will keep shining:) At least that's what happened to me, even if it was just a little movie which totally spoke to me. It was enough to make me go to bed full of hope like any other day.

Day 353. It's funny

   It's funny how we can place our trust more easily in the hands of others rather than in our own hands. I guess it's easier to accept others than accept ourselves. Because we know ourselves better than anyone and we can see our flaws when the others can't. I guess they are the ones that stop us from embracing and loving ourselves the way the others love us. 

   It's funny how we can't believe it when people tell us we're beautiful or amazing. Maybe because we truly believe others are better. Why do we want to be perfect? Is it because of the society we live in? Because of the competition that is instilled in us since kindergarten?

   It's funny how we worry so easily and we over analyse every little reaction of a person we want to be accepted by. And it's even funnier that, without acknowledging it, that person feels the same about a different person he/she wants to be accepted by. It's a never ending circle of confusion and worry. 

   It's funny how often we say "I don't know what to do" when the answer lays right within us. Why would we rather ask people for solutions to our problems when all we have to do is close our eyes and listen? 

   It's funny how the social networks teach us to show off who we want to be rather than who we are. And so we post photos, we check in and we write statuses that show people how perfect we are and how awesome our life is when we're only doing it because we long for validation and appreciation and then we break so easily if they don't show the interest we're expecting.

   It's funny how we're all so messed up in our own way. It's sad that we don't accept ourselves for who we truly are and that we always try to be More in order to be liked when all we have to do is find the people who are just as messed up as we are:) But no, we want to be liked by everybody. Weird brain:) That's never gonna happen and at some point we gotta accept that. 

   So yeah, you're weird and you worry too much and you wanna be awesome but just stop for a sec and realize that you are perfect just the way you are right now. You just have to love yourself too:) The important people already do:)

Day 352. When you dream out loud

   I always dare to dream out loud. And I keep dreaming till I reach the stars, I grab one and I fulfill my dream.

   This last one didn't seem too big for me, even if all the people around me said I should let go of it. I knew I wanted to climb this mountain no matter what it took. It was difficult and it involved a lot of sweat and tears, mostly self inflicted, but here I am today, standing on its peak and enjoying the view. Today I fulfilled my dream. Even if the mountain is just metaphorical, the feeling is the same.

   I expected the road to be much longer because I know that clouds usually hide the peak of the mountain, but sometimes life gives you a chocolate from that well known box when you least expect. And boy did I enjoy that chocolate:) 

   I expected the arrival to be awkward because the vision of the destination is never the same with the actual experience, but again, I was surprised to see that I prepared well. I grew to love my road up there and it seemed like the road got used to me too. So in the end we were two old pals who were to meet at the top of the mountain:) The beautiful thing is that we can still go on together. Because this one was just the first peak in the many to be reached:) So let the journey continue!