I just saw a powerful movie. The lovely bones. It messed me up completely. Now anything I see on Facebook seems so mundane, random and useless. Because it was about a 14 year old girl who was murdered and kept in between the worlds the whole movie. I know, it sounds rather cliche but it was so painful to watch the reaction of her family. A beautiful, perfect family who didn't deserve this. How do you get over something like this? How can you continue to live your life and cope with such an intense pain? And how can a serial killer not get caught after more than 7 similar acts?
The ending messed me up more than anything: "I was here and now I'm not. Have a long and happy life". I connected to that more than anything because I once had a dream where I was murdered myself. And in the dream, after I realized what had just happened, my voice narrated: "This was my life: short and unfulfilled." Yep. I was here and now I'm not. I had my whole life ahead of me and now I don't anymore. That freaks me out. Death freaks me out.
My high school psychology teacher used to say that we'd be nuts not to be afraid of dying. So I guess it's all natural. I don't wanna go though. I wanna get old and bored of living before going. I don't wanna see dear people die. I couldn't bear it. Death is such a frightening concept. And we keep living life avoiding it as much as we can with the illusion of immortality imprinted in us. Because how else could we step over the lovely bones of all the painful experiences we've been through? We close our eyes and step in the unknown. And hope for the best.
