Inspired

Dear diary,

   I finally figured it out. I'm not going cuckoo, I'm not bipolar and I'm not regressing to childhood. Nope. I'm INSPIRED by autumn. It's the multitude of colors, shades and the incredible light that inspires me to create. This autumn's been milder than others and its warm, sunny days and all the colorful leaves set me into the right mood for being artsie:) As a matter of fact, I surely not intend to stop here. I'm looking forward for November and I hope it'll be as sweet as in the movie:) 

   No wise saying today. I just want to enjoy this beautiful autumn while it lasts. (You and I both know how much I can't wait to go binge shopping for Christmas balls :D Today I counted the ones I have by now. Two more weeks till Christmas will start being all over the shops. Weeeeeeeeee!)

In love (with autumn),

D.

P.S. Here's my last creation :)

The clean up

   You wake up and you look outside only to see it's cloudy again... A lot of free time on your hands. You're not in the mood to drag your body out of your bed yet so you just linger there and you start contemplating life. Yeah, unlike others, you can just sit in bed and think. You get to the conclusion that the best way to spend this Saturday is to clean up. Autumn is the perfect time for that. 

   You start with things on your phone. A lot of notes of movies you have to see, random thoughts and useless data. You have breakfast and then you start hiding your summery clothes and bringing up the autumn ones. Next. Papers on your desk. So many of them piled up over the last months. And you have no idea how that happened. You stop for a second and realize you're moving slower and slower. You're one with the gloomy weather now. 

   There's something bothering you but you can't really put your finger on it. It's like the dreadful side of autumn got under your skin and now it's controlling your body. You gently take a paper, read it and throw it next to you. You repeat the process until you're surrounded by a big pile of "leaves". You soon cleaned all the trees around you and now the leaves are down there covering the floor with memories you made along the way. Things you'll throw away because you no longer need. 

   Your trees will get new memories next spring. But you'll throw some of them next autumn and the thought of that somehow makes you sad. You'd love to keep all the memories you gathered, all the feelings you invested in. But you know life's not an endless summer. You have to focus and take decisions. What will you throw out? Will you keep things just in case you might need them sometime or will you throw out anything you didn't use in the last month? 

   If it was up to you, you'd keep all the leaves until you had a sea of them in your room. And then you'd float on your own sea of leaves until you got lost in the distance while contemplating life. You'd later wake up on your bed on a sunny autumn day and everything would be perfect again:)

   

The 3 magical days

   "Every miracle lasts only three days", they say. Some days are longer, others are shorter. But somehow miracles end and then you're all by yourself asking if that was just a dream or if it was reality. 

   You already knew that life is a never ending journey across calm seas and harsh mountains. You know the theory. But since you've been traveling on a calm sea for years, it was always hard for you to imagine that sometime you'd have to climb the Everest. And that's simply because you were used to living a comfortable life. All nice and cozy. 

   Your third magical day is now coming to a close and you can feel it. The wind is starting to blow. The sea is slowly becoming agitated and you're borrowing its state. You're starting to tremble in your summery dress and you close your eyes. Black and white gloomy images come into your mind. You will have to continue your journey up until the peak you'll be terrified about. You know you'll want to come back to the amazingly calm sea and clear water, but you also know you won't be able to. Cos the doors behind you will keep closing and you can only go forward. And then you'll want to stop and just lay down for a while and weep. Weep because you miss these carefree summery days, these times when you were just a girl. 

   When you open your eyes you realize you've aged. You're a grown up woman now. That's what autumn does every year. It takes away the innocence and gives back the same sorrows you had last year. She'll keep doing that till you get at peace with your destiny and you accept it. Ups and downs. Happiness and sadness. Sea and mountain. 

   You look away in the distance and you see the waves coming towards you. But you hold on tight and decide to live every day as it comes and enjoy every bit of happiness that's left until the great sorrow. You know the next 3 days will be mundane, cruel, ironic, anything but magical, but you remember you've been through this before and you prevailed. So you take a deep breath and shout to the waves: "Come what may, I'm ready!"

Day 365. The big day

   Today's the last day of my daily journey through my first year of adulthood, the year I started working. 

   It was a project I dived into because I wanted to fight the laziness that comes to us artists from time to time. A project to encourage me to take photos and write in spite of having little free time. It wasn't easy. I had to come up with new photos and new posts every day. Some days I had no idea what to write about because nothing special happened to me then but I still had to do my homework so I had to look deep down and find a piece of mind hidden on a forgotten shelf. Yes, a couple of days I thought about postponing or canceling the project but each time my inner voice told me I have to finish what I started. And here I am now.

   This experiment made me look at my life through a magnifying glass and find emotions and thoughts I didn't pay attention to all the time. 

   These past 365 days I had the chance to analyse myself, my reactions and my choices, my worries and my moments of happiness. It was a bildungsroman I got the chance to read while writing it.

   And like any other bildungsroman, I started with 0 work experience, a lot of theoretical information that I wasn't going to use in the kindergarten, questions, doubts and anxieties. 

I felt my hands were tied and my expectations were too high. I was down...

But I knew I loved kids more than anything.

Because when kids smile and they tell you they love you, it's all you need to move on.

I found little things that made my days beautiful and that made my inner photographer really proud.

I always did what I love. I cooked and I baked.

I read a lot. For me and for the exam I had to take this summer. There were books and movies I'll always remember. 

And a lot of movie like moments. 

I spent a lot of time in the middle of the nature. I saw sunrises, sunsets, gloomy clouds, rain and snow.

Autumn, winter, spring and summer. 

I celebrated Christmas, New Year's Eve and Easter. I finally had the Christmas tree of my dreams.

I gave and received gifts.

I spent precious time with my friends, family and my beloved boyfriend.

 I received an amazing birthday cake from my best friend, I went to my first color fight and I had my first textbook sleepover.

I made new friends. Dogs, cats and people who helped me rediscover my childhood and my adolescence. 

My feet went to a lot of places.

I was sick, sad and worried. I questioned life and existence. I complained.

But each time I fell down, I stood up and moved on stronger.

I learned I still need to work on being patient.

And accepting change.

I learned that I have to fight for what I believe in.

And always find a reason to smile.

That it's good to keep your spirit young especially if you're living an adult life.

Shoot for the stars,

And be creative. 

Love unconditionally,

Be yourself even if the world expects to see something different.

And keep close to whatever makes you happy:)

 It's been a wonderful journey. One that I'm planning to continue. Not daily but still, twice a week. On Tuesdays and Saturdays. 

Thanx for sticking around and reading my posts, supporting me and putting me on the right direction. It was all very helpful:) See you next Tuesday!:)

Day 359. Goodbye summer

   The last day of summer feels just like the last page of that wonderful book you don't want to end. It's the last spoon of your favorite cake, the last drop of coffee with your best friend, the last minute of a breathtaking sunset. 

   This day has so much emotion in it that you don't know what to do with it. It's like you're holding a jar full of bits of happiness, melancholy, longing, ecstasy, sadness and eagerness altogether. It's what you felt these past 3 months. It was the time when you were able to fulfill your dreams, the time you were looking forward to, the most time spent dating... yourself:) And now it's coming to an end just like any other beautiful thing. The good part about it though is that you stored all the memories you made. Now you can go back to them whenever you'll feel blue during those long, rainy autumn days. 

   So open the lid and take out happiness. Hold onto it. Because knowing you were happy during summer will give you enough energy to be happy during autumn as well. And remember. Autumn can be an awesome season. So don't spend time feeling melancholic for the past summer, invest it in making new memories that would make you just as happy as summer did. Smile:) An awesome, golden autumn is just around the corner:)

Day 70. Getting ready

   This morning, dear Autumn showed me she's getting ready. You know how women are. You have to wait a lot till they're ready. But I think Autumn is a nice lady and she'll be ready soon. Ready to hand over the world to her sister, Winter. 

   Oh, dear, I can't wait to meet Winter. I can't wait for Christmas to be here. Happy, happy, joy, joy, there are only 39 days left!!!:D I bought lots of decorations for my office and I can't wait to use them:) Call me crazy, but my inner child is bursting with joy:)

   

Day 65. Pay it forward

   Today I realized I want to help. More than I usually do. I don't have big plans. I just want to make a difference. Christmas is approaching and I love being Santa. I want to make people happy:) 

   I know I should start with myself first. So I decided I want to be happy. I wish to be like a tree in autumn. Leave my rotten leaves behind and move on. Be better. Shine. And change the world I'm in. I want to pay it forward and so should you. It turns around when you least expect and when you need it the most:) 

So let's help. Let's look around and give a bit of ourselves to people in need. 

Day 61. Do it differently!

   I used to like a TLC commercial very much: "Everybody is doing something in a certain way. Who says you have to be like them? Do it differently!" Today, I did it differently and it mattered. It still does. It makes my office more vibrant, more autumn-y, more me:) And I like it;)

P.S. Here are some of the wall stickers I bought for my office:) Hope you like them:

Day 42. Summery autumn

   You wouldn't say this is a sunset in the middle of autumn, would you?:) Now this is the kind of autumn I love. Lovely mornings, sun shining through the yellow leaves during the day, beautiful sunsets and all warm and cozy:)   

   I had a really great day today. Many activities, absolutely adorable kids and productive parent meetings. 
   Every day I rediscover the childhood ME through my kids and it feels like I'm living my childhood once again with them.  

Note to self: You can't solve all the problems in the kindergarten in the first months of work. You need patience, patience, patience!:)

Day 37. October canvas

   Today I found a black apple among the ones we brought from the countryside. I loved taking shots of it and then I decided to add some grapes from my "vineyard" and there you go, October canvas painted by autumn itself:) 

   I have to agree with Arghezi. We can find beauty in ugly things too. It depends how we look at them and how we portray them to take the beauty out of them:)

Day 32. Desaturate

   Willingly or not, nature's being desaturated little by little. The chill outside entered my bones and the wind reminded me I have to wear a hat. Oh, dear, it's THAT side of autumn already... I wish she wouldn't be so moody sometimes and just smile daily. That would be cozier, huh?

Day 30. Autumn is like a box of chocolates

   ... You never know what you're gonna get:) 
   Why did I replace "life" with "autumn"? Because just the other day while gathering wood for a barbeque I found this tiny pretty flower. I didn't think I'd find flowers around during autumn knowing nature is preparing to enter the long sleep, but there it was, smiling at me so I couldn't ignore it and I smiled back:) 
                               Autumn continues to amaze me each day:)

Day 25. Meet Autumn!

   This morning the bus driver didn't stop in my usual station. I don't know why. It just went by it. At first I wanted to go tell him I need to get off but then I told myself "everything happens for a reason". And so it did. I enjoyed a new path to my workplace (I got bored of the usual one anyway) and I met Autumn. She was so beautiful and eerie!:) I loved her sheer yellow earrings and her long veil all across the sidewalk. All was very lady like. In the end, she made me want to be like her, so... tomorrow I'm wearing a skirt!:) 

Day 14. 50 shades of autumn

   Last Thursday autumn showed us her bad side. It rained all day long. I know some of you love rainy days, but I don't. I'm exactly the opposite! I LOVE sunny days and I take my energy from them. So, as you can guess, rainy days make me blue and "help" me find the bad part in everything. Yeah, what a psychologist since I can't psycho bubu myself with this one... I don't know, I've always been like this. In love with the "springy" kind of weather. The one that reminds you nature is alive and kicking. Rain just melts everything and covers the beating heart of nature. 
   Don't you agree?

Day 7. At peace

Have you ever felt that you had everything you wanted and you could die in that very moment and be at peace with yourself without feeling the fear that usually comes with death? I was at peace with myself today. I cried of happiness and that doesn't happen often. I realized I understand life differently and that I'm still a child... one that's eager to learn new lessons and help new people:) I love my job!:)