Lost and found

   Dear diary,

   We're losing ourselves daily in the midst of this beautiful journey. I learned that we often get lost trying to solve the big puzzle instead of starting with smaller ones. 

   We want to help, but we end up needing help ourselves. 

   We lose so much and find so little but somehow everything's okay in the end. 

   We get annoyed, frustrated, sad, broken. We lose. We find. 

   We open shiny doors and then we close them. By the time we visit them again they become ancient. Doors that didn't have a key but now they do. I learned that usually the good key is the last. That's why we always have to  be patient. 

   We get lost in the labyrinth we each created for ourselves. But isn't getting lost such a great adventure? All that adrenaline rushing and that slight fear of being forever lost that boosts us into trying to find the exit and in the same time gives us the reassuring feeling that there's still time. We wander around dark streets, closing our eyes and thinking nobody sees us, we breathe in, breathe out and then we smile. It's the best feeling in the world... Getting lost and then finding ourselves again. 

   

Forever lost... and found,

D.

The Game

Dear present self,

We’re all born in the middle of a Game. The difficulty level is chosen beforehand but it doesn’t even matter because we all play the same levels.

Whenever you think you’re strong, the Game proves you just how weak you can be. And then you have to play those levels over and over again until you learn the right lessons and you become strong again. But strength doesn’t come alone. You need to keep those lessons tight because you’ll need them again in the next levels.

Some levels are a piece of cake. They seem too easy to be real, and yet they’re awesome. In the end you learn to enjoy them but after a while you get bored and you wonder where the dragon is hiding. You miss fighting the dragon but then, when you actually meet him two stages later you freak out and fail.

Failure is natural. It’s a game after all. The important thing is to learn those lessons and move on wiser, be always prepared for the unexpected and embrace whatever comes with peace. You can go to the next level more easily if you try to solve the previous with a cold mind: “What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? How can you solve it?”

And then, when you least expect, the Game sends you a little clue. Take that clue and use it wisely to pass to the next level. Never give up until you finish the Game. Stay strong and keep playing!

With love,

Yourself

Welcome to the new age

Dear diary,

   2013 was a great year for me. I went places, I met dear people, I had all sorts of first experiences that made me feel so good:) I learned things about myself. Things that hurt me at first but then prepared me for the future. I began to bloom and get ready to spread my wings and fly. 

   Now it's already 2014 and I'm thinking that while being a teenager I believed in the "New year, new person" thing. I thought you could just change your whole being if you wanted to. Then I grew up and I hated that statement. Now I don't hate it anymore. I just know that changing your whole personality is not an option, but changing your attitude is. 

   So this year I will make a change that will bring a whole new perspective in my life. That thing I was looking to since forever but for some reasons I was afraid to accept and show it. It doesn't mean I'll be releasing my demons, it just means I won't be afraid to be who I really am. With ups and downs, light and darkness, every time true to myself. 

   I don't know about others, but I always tried to be the best person in the world and I often failed. And then guess what happened. I felt guilty. And responsible. Well this year, I'm done with being extra cautious. This year I'm learning from my past mistakes but I'm also thinking about me instead of putting the others first every single time. I'm going to buy what I feel like buying, spend time how I feel like and do whatever feels right. Out with the guilt, in with the inner peace. 

  

"Everything is right as long as it makes you happy and you're not hurting the others." 

   I feel it already. The new age, the new attitude, the awesome adventures waiting to be lived with full intensity:) Can't wait!

Forever young,

D.

Christmas Past, Present and Future

   Dear diary,

   It's Christmas day again. That time of the year when I'm filled with both sadness and joy: sadness cos I can't believe a whole year has passed already and joy because I can witness the most wonderful time of the year again:) The one I was looking forward to since January, the same one that allows me to be a kid no matter the age. 

   This year's been different for me, though. The Advent calendar changed the whole equation and brought more magic in my life. I never thought something so small and humble could do such a difference:) The planning and crafting and then the daily tasks... it definitely put me in the Christmas mood! I used to be sad, bored, or worried. The Advent calendar wiped away all of that and it replaced it with enthusiasm, anticipation and joy. I'm almost on the verge of crying because I realize today's the last day of this special gift called Advent. Such a terrific thing, involving so much dedication, passion and love, more than you thought you had, more than you thought you could give away. The Advent makes you a crafter, a loving, nurturing and thoughtful being. Everybody should experience it: giving and receiving love in the most innocent way possible:)

   The past Christmases have been beautiful, as long as I was a child. Then it all turned into a must and it somehow lost its feeling while growing up. This year I feel mature enough to know how to make the difference and how to keep the spirit alive: it all comes down to letting yourself enjoy the little things. Live Christmas exactly like kids do. And that's what the Advent brought along:) I'm sure the future Christmases will be just as beautiful as this one: with love, peace, joy, family, friends and a lot of creativity (Advent included). Because in the end that's what makes the difference. Letting yourself be a kid no matter the age while celebrating the birth of the most miraculous child on Earth:) 

   I know... it didn't snow this year. But I brought snow inside:) And now, happiness is all around. In my eyes and in the eyes of everyone who gazed at my Christmas tree. What more could I wish for?

Feeling the Christmas magic,

D.

My December

   Dear diary,

   My December's been crazy so far: Advent calendars to open, tasks to accomplish, work in the kindergarten, prepare for an exam and a long trip to Bucharest. I felt taken away in a fast carousel that I could barely keep up with. I had moments (still do) when I wished I could have paused time so that I could have enjoyed every day left till Christmas because each year I get the feeling that time passes too fast in December. 

    So I went to Bucharest:) It's been a trip that came at the perfect moment cos I've never seen it in December. Never seen its lights, its fairs, its gifts and treasures. And you know how much I love Christmas and traveling.

   At first I had to solve the exam thingie. So I took my friend and tried to find an address in a huge city I didn't know. What did I do? I asked around. Cos Google maps drops my phone battery like crazy. The exam experience was way better than I anticipated. Those people really liked what I was telling them. They were smiling and enjoying it and we had such a pleasant conversation. You know how oral exams are. You go out and people ask you: "How was it?" and then you say "Okay, I guess." I told them "It was GREAT!" while grinning. How many people do that?

   Then, after checking the Must Do thing in the big city, there came visiting my dear friends and a planned journey to see the Christmas lights. But somewhere among all those I got time to observe and think. Bucharest seems to have a completely different culture than Cluj. They have a funny accent, they react and behave differently, they are... a different species. And as much as I loved riding the subway it was sooo weird to get confused every time I had to change it. No worries, Bucharest people looked just as confused. How weird is that? So I decided. I wouldn't move to the capital even if I got a big, fat salary. I love my dear city. It's easy, comfy and it has everything I need in it. Including family, friends, boyfriend, dream job and everything else. 

   On the other hand, Bucharest had awesome things as well: wonderful friends, amazing Christmas lights, yummy fairs and a lot of experiences waiting to be lived. I bought the cheapest books, the cutest decorations and I received the best Advent calendar! Not to mention the happy tears of listening to a friend playing the piano on notes of Debussy or singing Adele. 

   It was a perfect experience: the sound of the train, scary people, cute people, warm people, helpful people, crowds everywhere, lights, lights, lights, mulled wine, comfy dizziness, Advent, happy tears, life stories on the train. It was my December or at least the first half of it:) 

In or out

   No, this won't be another post about the Advent Calendar. Everything is working just fine with it, everybody's happy and we all feel Christmas more close to our hearts than ever. Today I want to talk about discovering both the bliss of feeling detached and the utter discomfort of feeling too involved in a situation. 

   Life often takes us by surprise and we have no idea where that is gonna go but what's important is knowing that we weren't born ready. We learned it on the way. And if we don't know how to detach ourselves from the problem, we need to keep going until we do. It's not going to be a revelation and many times it feels like it's impossible, but with the help of rational friends, movies and books it can be done. 

   These days I saw a lot of worried people around me, people who got so involved in a little thing that it began to grow and grow that in the end it affected everybody around them. I was detached. And it felt good. But then, even though I was proud of feeling detached in that situation, I got so involved in a little, unimportant thing... until I realized it happened and it made me think. We often believe we can control everything. Thing is... we don't! Not everything. So we should just let it be and not judge it when it happens. Go with the flow and see where it leads us. Learn to detach ourselves from unimportant things and only involve in the big ones. And even then, learn where we can help and step back when we can't.

   This isn't the "ignorance is bliss" thingie, it's about knowing when to step in and out. Knowing there's a bigger picture we have to see and train ourselves to see that instead of focusing on one tiny detail on the map.
   So, are you in or out?

My little Advent game

   4 weeks, 27 days, 7 Advent calendars, 175 individual things. It was all a blast, sometimes a pain in the ass, but nevertheless, the awesomest crafting project I took in.

   Like I previously said, I saw chocolate Advent calendars in shops but never really understood the rules and its purpose. This year I researched it and plunged into not one, but 7 handmade Advent calendars. I made a list of the people I thought would want to take part into this beautiful idea, this little game that makes us feel Christmas for 24 days, before it's even here. Luckily they all accepted to craft and share an Advent calendar. 

   And so the Advent adventure began... this game that brings happiness on people's face, the game that makes you feel loved, appreciated, taken into consideration. The game that makes you feel like a kid again. One that can't wait for tomorrow's task or treat, one that knows how to enjoy the Advent calendar at its best. 

   Stage one after deciding I want to do this was RESEARCH all the possible ideas of crafting such calendars. I found amazing printables that people were so kind to share for free. I found wonderful ideas of tasks that are meant to make you sweep in the Christmas mood all month long:)

   Stage two was ENTHUSIASM. I was sooo thrilled about finding a different Advent calendar idea for each of my recipients and about coming up with special tasks that I knew would make people happy. I could already see their happy face when they would each receive their special Advent calendar carefully made with such love and passion:) I was in the 9th cloud all along the first 2 weeks. Work... craft... work... craft! And I loved it all!

   Stage three was FRUSTRATION. And all this because I had some difficulties in crafting one of the ideas... for my boyfriend! It wouldn't turn out the way I wanted it to be and I would be so frustrated each time I had to work on it. But thank God, it all ended and it was all okay.

   Stage four was FATIGUE. After two weeks and 4 calendars down (including a frustrating one) I began to feel knocked down. I needed to finish all the 7 calendars and 7 handmade Christmas cards by December 1st so my nights became white and my days became sleepy. I had days when I went to sleep at 9 PM and days when I wasn't in the mood for crafting. Even so, every time I looked at the final products a big grin could be seen on my face:)

   Stage five and the last one was PRIDE. Why? Because I did it. It's December 1st and all my calendars are done, the Christmas cards included:) I already gave away 4 of them, 3 more to go:) Can't wait to see my friends smile and can't wait to hear their joyful feedback on each day of the Calendar. 

   All in all, the Advent calendar is such an amazing opportunity for all those Christmas lovers out there! It's the wonderful gesture of thinking about others and involving all your attention in a little, tiny game of love:)

   

It's December already and I can't believe it. Let the Advent adventure truly begin! Let's do tasks and enjoy treats! Let's feel Christmas all around us! <3

P.S. Here are the final results for my 7 Advent calendars (and how my desk looked like for the whole month):