365 days project 2: Day 15. One year

   Today it's exactly one year since Oliver and I moved in together and my feelings are 180 degrees opposite from what they were 365 days ago. 

   I was crying after my parents left. I realized I will no longer live with them, under the same roof, ever again. So even if we had phones and skype and visits, it would never be the same. I wanted this move for at least 10 years and when I finally got it I realized what it actually meant and tears formed in my eyes. Sure, we've been through highs and lows with my parents but they were always my best friends and this time I was completely on my own. Ok, maybe sharing everything with Oliver, but they weren't there to help me with absolutely everything. I wasn't afraid that I didn't know how to cook (God knows I love doing that even though years ago I saw cooking as a MUST not as a passion), or that I didn't know how to wash clothes, dishes and clean my home (my parents taught me that plenty of times) or not even that I don't know how to fix things because I knew the internet had the answers to anything and my dad was just a phone call away. I was ready to fly away from the parental nest, but the emotional side of it has never occured to me until I actually saw myself closing the door behind my parents. It hurt. But it was bittersweet, you know? Because I knew my life was just beginning and I was VERY excited to finally live it according to my own rules, without any sort of boundaries or curfews.

   And so it was. I had this apartment in front of me, this little part of Cluj that reminded me so much of my buni and my childhood years, all my giggles and games I played with my brother, and these memories gave me more enthusiasm to really make this place mine... ours. Since I always loved interior design and I had a file in my computer full of photos for inspiration for my own home I started putting into practice all those ideas I always loved. I handcrafted some decorations, I put an artistic touch all around the apartment and I realized I really loved seeing butterflies and owls everywhere and that's how the apartment became known as the Butterfly Home or rather The Owl Residence. I now have a lot of butterflies and all shapes of owls (including a candle) around and many, many candles in the big room. I can truly say that this year has helped me decorate my dream home, that place that makes me feel relaxed and in my own element every time I step inside. A vase with fresh flowers always by the entrance, the fluffy pillows on the sofa, the Klimt painting on the wall and lately the leafy curtain are everything I need to feel at HOME. Ah, home, what an amazing feeling!

   Oli and I were the best team starting day 1. We have always worked very well together and we are very good at planning dishes, parties, cleaning and washing and whatnot. We see each other mainly in the evenings and during weekends, but that's the normal standard nowadays anyway so we compensate by random love messages throughout the day. This way we keep the love and passion alive. Love, such a humble yet amazing feeling! I don't think I could have lived away from Oliver for much longer and this move has definitely turned us into husband and wife even before the actual wedding. One year later and we're still a great team, we love each other more and more (and I'm not just saying it because it sounds good, I swear!) and I'm more sure than ever that this move has been the best decision yet. I am definitely the happiest woman alive! 

 

Day 312. The ultimate gift

   There are a loooot of movies out there: the bad ones you regret having watched, the ones perfect for a boring Sunday afternoon, those that are half bad and half good and you don't know if you like them or not, the ones that are pretty good but the subject might be somewhat overused and then... there are the ones that just leave you breathless. The cornerstones. The ones that sweep you off your feet. Those that take you by the hand and by the time you realized what happened you're already living life alongside with the characters, experience intense emotions with them, laugh and cry and learn. Learn a lot of things. Learn that the mere fact of you having been born is important. 

   "The ultimate gift" is one of the cornerstones. The kind of movie you're glad you're alive to have seen it. The kind that changes your life forever and reminds you how important it is to LIVE life. Enjoy every bit of it. Leave behind all the unnecessary baggage you're dragging with you daily and finally wake up and see what's Important. The kind of movie everybody should see. So if you haven't seen it by now, just go and do it. I promise you won't regret it:)

"Neither love, nor hate thy life; but what thou livest, live well; however long or short may the heavens permit."

Day 153. One must weep

      Most people love kids, right? Well when we state that, we usually think about the cute toddlers who barely say some words and walk clumsily, are ever so curious to discover the world, love toys and still have that attractive baby face. What about the 5 or 6 year olds? They become more independent, start to question what you tell them and... learn not to obey. And sometimes that can bring hard to bear consequences... at least for the educators (like me). 

   Today I had a good day. Until I met some 5 and 6 year olds who didn't want to pay attention to me no matter how much I tried to make the activity interesting. The sad part is that it wasn't their first time showing no respect towards me. Promises of a reward no longer worked since they're used to getting something in return for their good behaviour and they say they don't need colored dots anymore so... why not do what they want? Why not disturb the class so that kids who want to pay attention couldn't? I asked them whether they didn't like me or the things I was teaching them. They said "no, we like you". "Then what is it? Why don't you pay attention?" "We don't know" they said. That's what the big ones always say. They seem to question things around them but they never really know why they don't obey the rules. Tricky. 

   So I was left in the position of being the bad teacher, the one who punishes them and makes them feel fear. I wish I didn't have to do that, but I felt it necessary. Of course a child started to cry being faced with a punishment and seeing that he couldn't do everything he wanted in class and in the end I felt bad. Bad of not knowing how to be that perfect teacher who the kids are in love with, that teacher who knows how to solve critical problems without punishing the students. I felt lonely in a crowd. I didn't know what to do next. I don't want to go to them next time and punish them even before the activity starts in order to keep them focused. I want to be a good teacher and I wish they would just listen to me. Maybe... I'm not tough enough and that has to be learned... all in due time.