Day 158. The white flag

   Complaining should be allowed! Like totally! Why do you want me to stop emotionally ventilate AND lie myself in the process, saying that everything IS ok when it isn't? Complaining about pain and the emotional breakdown I'm going through helps me. It gets off my chest all the sorrow that's been piling up in the last days. Why call it irrational and childish when it's just a coping mechanism? I just want to be healthy, so not being that way bugs me and I start talking about it. 

   Today I hit bottom again. I finally went to see the doctor. It was an emergency since I couldn't go on without antibiotics and she had the cure. In Romania anything can happen so, instead of being treated first, I was avoided and I felt like a piece of nothing while waiting. I wanted to leave sick as I was, being disgusted of it all but mom said I should stand up for my rights and demand to be looked at. And so I did. In the end it seems like the flu I thought I had isn't that severe (really?). 

    Like I always do, I went to buy the pills the doctor prescribed and then it hit me. The intense pain of a man who ran kilometers. I felt like I walked till Zimbabwe and back (literally). You don't wanna know what an excruciating pain that is. Somehow, meanwhile feeling the most helpless and lonely being in the world, I managed to reach my block of flats but... when I had to climb the many stairs till the 4th floor where I live... I couldn't. I then burst into tears, the bitter tears of the one who accepts being defeated. "I'm done being cocky and pretend to win every battle when I'm not." Mom came and helped me climb those stairs. It was a good drama movie moment. Looking back at it I wouldn't wanna live it again so I decided not to leave the house this week for anything in the world. I am going to rest a lot and recover... or die. One of the two. Man, I'm such a good drama queen.

Day 100. How fragile we are

   I stayed in bed all day. Thank God for the people who invented medicine and pills. I feel way better than I did this morning. Yet, today I had plenty of time to meditate at our condition. Our fragile condition. 
   I'm not sure we value health as much as we should. I think health is like a friendship. It takes a lot of time to preserve it and we lose it so easily. That's why we should be more thankful for being healthy and start working with pleasure because we can. There are so many who can't. 

Day 41. Everything seems brighter...

   ... when you're fit as a fiddle again after some days of taking pills and staying in bed!:) That's how I felt today after getting off the bus:) I have to be honest, the sun was promising to shine so we got on the same page quickly, I guess:) Nevertheless, even the little details that I didn't pay attention to before were now beautiful and I felt so lucky to be able to be back on track so shortly:) Yaaay, a new day of working with the kids:D (Oh, btw, a girl came to me today and hugged me and told me she loved me. See? THAT'S why I want to work with them every single day!:) )

    So my day was awesome and I could feel it was going to be like that since I opened my book on the bus and I had a big hunger for reading again. Now that was a good sign! And then the desire to take photos, dance and eat followed quickly:) 

   Again, when there's a will there's a way:)

Day 39. And then there were pills

   This Monday a serious flu turned me upside down and made me be the person I'm usually not: not in the mood for anything, not wanting to eat anything at all even if I was in the mall's foodcourt with all kinds of food around me, that kind of feeling when you just want a bed and hot tea, that moment when you're sick as a dog (however that might be). It was dreadful, but that was just the beginning... 

Note to self: When you're that sick that you know you gotta take pills to be healthy again, take them properly, not just once in a while! 

Day 18. A good day for picking apples

   ...but a bad day for me. I'm having a cold and I hope it will pass soon because I don't want my kids from the kindergarten to be sick because of me... Pills and tea and bed time.

    On another note, I can't fall in love with Cecelia Ahern. I'm sorry, I just can't. Maybe I'm reading the wrong books but everything seems dull in comparison with Marc Levy. Is it worth it to borrow "If you could see me now"? I don't like the Romanian translation. Maybe that's why all her books are so dull...