When I'm gone

   Dear diary,

   I had so much to chew upon these last days, but the most striking thing that still follows me like a shadow is this girl's death. She was a 26 year old blogger, a writer to a fashion magazine, a woman, a girl, a beautiful being. And it's sad to use the past when talking about her. Even if I never knew her in person and I barely discovered her blog right the night before she passed away, I put myself in her shoes from the first line I read on her blog. I identified myself with her because of how and what she used to write. And I agree with her: "I am sure life is a big fat lesson". So now I ask myself: "What if it were me instead of her?" "What if today I'm crafting my Advent calendars and tomorrow something happens and ... Boom. I'm just not here anymore." 

   You know, people keep telling us life is short, but we live like we're immortal. After this blogger's episode I feel like waking up from a long dream and realizing life IS short. Freakin' short. And if you think about it, so many people don't fully live their age. We listen to society pushing us here and there, being this way or that way, doing this or that, but who are we really? 

   Here I am, folding paper and enjoying it. I love crafting. And I love the fact that I discovered it now, while I'm 25, not married and without kids. I am well aware that when the time will be right, I won't have the free time I have now. So why does society keep pressing us to move on with the tide when we want to wait for the right tide? 

   I want to enjoy every age and dream out loud. And when I die I want to die smiling. Knowing that I did everything I could to enjoy life at its best, love people, heal people and the world around me. Life is short. Even if we get to reach 70.
  Let's fully enjoy our age and later on be happy at the memory of every step taken. Let's be thankful for every little thing we have in our life. Better yet, let's be thankful for what we don't have as well. Because everything happens for a reason and "life is a big fat lesson"...

D.

Day 344.The things we take for granted

   Today I rediscovered how awesome the things we have might seem after we lose them for a while. I'm not talking about people but about the things we're so used to in our everyday life that we take them for granted. 

   One of them is health. We don't realize how important it is until we're sick and we recover. Man, feeling healthy again seems like a blessing. Even if it was just a headache that bothered us. 

   Another one is water. We don't acknowledge how vital it is until we're really, really thirsty and we get back home and drink the best glass of water in our life. Right then water seems like the yummiest thing we ever drank.

   Electricity. We've all gone through power outage many times and we all know that if it's longer than 5 minutes we already feel bored. No Facebook, no Youtube, no Tv Shows, no movies of any kind, no games, no TV, no nothing. Not even light for reading. Yep, power is awesome! 

   And the one I experienced today... rest. We don't realize how awesome it is to just sit down and do nothing until we physically worked for many hours. Today I understood how difficult it has to be to physically work 8 hours a day and how tired you must feel when you go home. So the fact that I can work in a kindergarten seems like a  real blessing now.

   We need these experiences in order to understand that we should be thankful. I am thankful today because I am healthy, I have a happy life and I got everything I ever wished for. Minus a dog. But that's gonna happen too, I know for sure. Until then I feel my life is way awesomer now than it was yesterday:) What about yours?

Day 234. Forget-it-not

   You know I believe in finding sense and significance in everything that happens to me. So when I saw the first forget-me-not flowers of the year the same day I watched a blind child amazingly sing a song in the "Next Star" show and deaf teens do an awesome dance in "Romania is dancing", it all made sense. 

   It made me look around more carefully and observe every little detail that changed in the nature since I last visited it. It made me want to "forget-not" my day by day experiences, my time with my family, eating grilled mushrooms for the first time or the fact that my boyfriend actually gets along with my dad. 

   Every little detail counts. And, as much as it sounds like a cliché, I felt that today I should be thankful. Thankful for having peace within my family, an amazing boyfriend who's also my best friend and health to enjoy every little speck of life that's in and around me. So I choose to "forget-not" every day that passes by me, be it one that brings tears and lessons to be learned or one that brings smiles and joy. I feel like I don't want to forget anything and that's why this blog is helping me so much. I bet it sounds all cheesy and dramatic, but for me, it's the world. Having the ability to go back in my life and see how I was and what happened to me back then, it's exactly what I'm looking for. 

   So I guess I could say one of my life-purposes is not to forget the good moments, be a better person, help the others and in the end die with a smile knowing that I lived beautifully.

Day 110. A time of meditation

   

   Besides being a time of joy and pleasant surprises, for me Christmas is also a time of meditation. These last days of the year I ponder upon the year that has passed and, just like Thanksgiving day is for the Americans, Christmas is for me a time to be thankful. I don't know why and how come, but the years of my life keep getting better and better. I keep fulfilling my dreams and that's what makes me want to go on more and more powerful and full of life and hope. 

   So today, in the first day of Christmas, I layed back under my Christmas tree just like kids use to do and I started recalling my last twelve months. I arrived at the conclusion that if God wanted to take me right now, I'd do in peace. I have everything I could want at this very moment so I am at peace with myself. Nevertheless, I wouldn't wanna miss the fun that is yet to come and the beautiful life that awaits: having my own family and owning a dog. I'm looking forward to discovering new paths that God has prepared for me and solve new puzzles that will make me want to strive more and help more people. 

   Another conclusion of my today's reflections is that we have to find the thing what we're best at and then try to help the world with it be it arts, science or anything else. I believe this is our purpose in this world just like Michael Jackson said: "Make the world a better place.", spread the love and be kind to people around us. I wish we'd all stop fighting and trying to be someone we're not and instead find time to find ourselves, the real person within and then try to be the best at whatever we're good at and use our skills for the better of humanity, for the better of this world. It's important to be at peace with ourselves, to accept our fate and to give sense and significance to everything that happens to us... because you know everything happens for a reason. 

   Have you ever felt like missing something even though you still have it? It's what I feel for Christmas. I feel time flowing and I wish it'd just stop. Stop right here right now and let us enjoy all this for as much as we can. But then I remembered. We can bear Christmas within ourselves the whole year. We can be Santa for people around us any time of the year, we can enjoy the good memories Christmas brings and wait with an open heart for the presents God has prepared for each of us. So let's accept the past and the present and look forward with hope and anticipation:)

Day 100. How fragile we are

   I stayed in bed all day. Thank God for the people who invented medicine and pills. I feel way better than I did this morning. Yet, today I had plenty of time to meditate at our condition. Our fragile condition. 
   I'm not sure we value health as much as we should. I think health is like a friendship. It takes a lot of time to preserve it and we lose it so easily. That's why we should be more thankful for being healthy and start working with pleasure because we can. There are so many who can't.