365 days project 2. Day 38. Rain on me

   Some people are afraid of rain. Not phobia - afraid, but they just don't want to go out when it rains and they dread having to walk in the rain. I used to be like them until I understood that rain is... just water :)

   We are afraid a lot. Of the smallest things. I really think that sometimes we're like elephants - afraid of mice. Do those fears help in any way? They used to protect us against predators back in the day but today they're useless. 

   Let's enjoy rain more! Let's dance in the rain more, walk in the rain and sing in the rain! So much potential, let's make rain our friend! :)

The monsters within

   Dear diary,

   These past days I've been too tired to think... stressed with the registration for a big exam next summer, preparing to go to Bucharest for a degree and hand making 7 advent calendars (I finally realized people around me were right. They're too many!). Aaaaand on top of all this, counseling kids, parents and teachers every day and doing all the other things my job involves. You'd say it's easy peasy, right? Cos I love my job, but somehow, I donno how, every time I get home I'm sooo tired and worn out that I'm not even in the mood for the calendars. And there's just one week left (ouch!). No worries. I'll make it work and I'll learn. Settle for less next year:) 

   Thing is I've been observing myself this past week and I realized what I learned in school was true: our brain is truly prone to negativity... especially MINE. I had so many things going on lately and my brain chose to see only the bad parts. It was like it was trying to make a puzzle only from the things that "could go wrong", "did go wrong" or "might have gone wrong". And all this because I'm a perfectionist and I can't settle for less than 100%. So it seems that other percentages scare me. They make me think of scenarios that most probably aren't true. They make me doubt myself. 

   I'm a psychologist and I'm not perfect. I have problems, fears, things about me that I wish I could change but I can't. And that scares me the most. I'm not perfect. I'll never be. Some parents will judge me no matter how much I try to help them, kids will never be angels, there will be times when I won't be able to control everything and I'll have to depend on people, money will be scarce and in the middle of all this I need somebody to remind me life goes on and ignorance is bliss. 

   I really wish I could turn off my "caring button" from time to time. But I know that what parents instilled in us during childhood remains with us our whole life. It will be a constant battle, sometimes I'll win, other times I'll lose. I just have to remember to lift my head and go on. Even if I'm bone-tired. 

   Christmas is just around the corner. It's time to get a good night sleep and start fresh tomorrow. The awesomest month is approaching!

ZzzzZzzzz,

D.

Day 350. Life is a movie

   Do you remember the movies that turned your life around for some minutes? The ones that made you question life, your whole existence and the purpose of being here, on this planet? 

   Do you remember the movies with magic or aliens which made you think that maybe there is something else out there, something we know nothing about because it's so tabu and hard to explore and control that it's better not to scare people with it? Or the movies with wars and freaky criminals that made you be thankful you're living a peaceful life without having to face all those atrocities?  

   These are the movies you'll always remember. The ones that make you face your deepest fears, the ones that answer questions and help you find yourself in the middle of it all. They make you look in the mirror and see reality with different eyes. The way you should have always seen it. They are glimpses of your soul, pieces of puzzle you have to stick together to encounter the real you. And you need that more than anything because

But first you must know who you are. So learn that by watching movies. Let them help you find yourself and open your eyes to all possibilities. There's more out there can you can grasp right now.