The monsters within

   Dear diary,

   These past days I've been too tired to think... stressed with the registration for a big exam next summer, preparing to go to Bucharest for a degree and hand making 7 advent calendars (I finally realized people around me were right. They're too many!). Aaaaand on top of all this, counseling kids, parents and teachers every day and doing all the other things my job involves. You'd say it's easy peasy, right? Cos I love my job, but somehow, I donno how, every time I get home I'm sooo tired and worn out that I'm not even in the mood for the calendars. And there's just one week left (ouch!). No worries. I'll make it work and I'll learn. Settle for less next year:) 

   Thing is I've been observing myself this past week and I realized what I learned in school was true: our brain is truly prone to negativity... especially MINE. I had so many things going on lately and my brain chose to see only the bad parts. It was like it was trying to make a puzzle only from the things that "could go wrong", "did go wrong" or "might have gone wrong". And all this because I'm a perfectionist and I can't settle for less than 100%. So it seems that other percentages scare me. They make me think of scenarios that most probably aren't true. They make me doubt myself. 

   I'm a psychologist and I'm not perfect. I have problems, fears, things about me that I wish I could change but I can't. And that scares me the most. I'm not perfect. I'll never be. Some parents will judge me no matter how much I try to help them, kids will never be angels, there will be times when I won't be able to control everything and I'll have to depend on people, money will be scarce and in the middle of all this I need somebody to remind me life goes on and ignorance is bliss. 

   I really wish I could turn off my "caring button" from time to time. But I know that what parents instilled in us during childhood remains with us our whole life. It will be a constant battle, sometimes I'll win, other times I'll lose. I just have to remember to lift my head and go on. Even if I'm bone-tired. 

   Christmas is just around the corner. It's time to get a good night sleep and start fresh tomorrow. The awesomest month is approaching!

ZzzzZzzzz,

D.

Day 186. The lazy

   We're all lazy at some point. Lazy to do this and that: lazy to wake up, to go to classes, to work, to write the projects... lazy to learn for the exams, to go out and catch up with our friends, to go to the park and to do all the things we used to do. All this because we get to a stage where we think we deserve what we've got and that everything is going to be the same no matter if we do something to keep it alive or not. And then laziness strikes. We find reasons to stop being active, be it because we're too tired of working all day, because we just wanna lay on our comfy armchair and watch movies or because our friends will forever be our friends no matter if we use the cellphone and social networks more than face-to-face hang outs. 

   I saw my best friend today. It's been a while. I'd say our schedules are very tight, but that wouldn't be entirely true. I am tired most of the days but I guess I just got too lazy. And too lazy isn't good. How long has it been since you last saw your friends? Just to hang out and catch up, nothing fancy. Hm?

   We get self absorbed at some point. We think we write the story of our life, that we can control our friendships... but we all know it's never like that. And don't you say "I don't need them to be happy" because you know how much you actually do! You do need people to get silly with, people to laugh with and people to bond with over music and love stories. So throw away comfort and replace it with sacrifice. You'll see how much you'll enjoy seeing your friends again! I bet you'll have the time of your life and at the end of it you'll remember how much you actually missed them:)