365 days project 2. Day 46. Married life: expectations and reality

 

   Months before the wedding some people tell you there will be a big, wonderful change in your life once you get married, that you will be happier, more at peace and more in love with your spouse. Others tell you you'll have to start thinking about "us" instead of "me" and that that will make life harder, that you will have to overcome a lot of difficulties that before getting married you had no idea of. So here you are: a multitude of expectations that other people instill in you. After the wedding they will all want to know how you feel after the BIG CHANGE in your life. I'll tell you what I feel: 
   I am very happy that Oliver and I moved in together a year before the wedding. This way we got used to each other and to all our daily habits, we learned to work in a team, to plan and solve problems together, to do everything together. So by the time the wedding came we were already very used to the couple life. What has changed after the wedding? Nothing. Absolutely nothing We were married in our hearts ever since we moved in together. It's not waaay more wonderful or way more difficult now. It's just as amazing as it was before. Because we know we were made for each other and that our story is a fairytale we are both so thankful for. 

   Sure, if we hadn't lived together before the wedding I bet some things would have felt like they changed but things change anyhow during a life span. Things change daily. But some things are meant to always be the same. Like our love for each other and our endless happiness when we see each other in the evening after work We still cook together and have dinners on our balcony, have philosophical talks about life in the candlelight, plan our meals, watch movies together, have breakfasts together when we can, surprise each other and send each other cute messages during the day. Nothing has changed. 

   Sometimes the wedding is just the big celebration of the love story and life goes on the same At least in our case

365 days project day 45. The little details

   Today was one of those beautiful Mondays when the Universe was working together to make us feel good: amazingly wonderful weather that made it seem like a lazy Sunday, an unexpected gift from a dear person and little notes around the city telling us we're beautiful. 

   See? Happiness lays in the little details. And when we can't seem to find them, they find us :) Does that make sense?

365 days project 2. Day 44. The guide to playing with a child

   Not everybody meets kids on a daily basis. So not everybody knows how to play with them. But at some point we all meet the little ones. And then some of us freak out and don't know how to react while others seem like they have it in them to just know what to do. 

   I always found it so easy to approach a child and enter his world, play with him, understand him and make myself understood. But not everybody is like this. Some have no idea how to react in order not to harm the child or not to upset the parent. They don't know what is allowed and what isn't. So they seclude themselves in a corner where the child doesn't go and observe him attentively without interacting. And that's alright as long as the observation ends at some point and you let yourself be a child again and play with that child. 

What to do when you know nothing about kids and how to play with them?

1. Ask the parent. No, that doesn't make you look stupid. It means you want to know the child properly. 

2. Observe what the others do and do the same. It's not as difficult as it seems, I promise!

3. Let the child lead and you just follow. Do what the child does. Mirror him and he will be very happy. And when you can't understand what he's saying (and it's not a question) just say "yes, that's right" :) He wants to feel accepted and valued so this way you are doing that for him. Also maybe ask the parent what he said just to make sure you get the right meaning :)

4. Be a child again and do what you used to do when you were little. Kids are still the way they used to be :)

5. Try to guess what he wants and give him options in questions: "Do you want to play with the ball?" "Do you want to play in the sand?" The child will lead you and help you understand what he wants :)

6. It's ok to hug him or kiss him. He's not going to break. A child usually loves affection. But if you want to make sure, observe how he reacts to others being loving with him.

7. Just let go all your fears and enjoy the utter happiness playing with a child brings. It will make you forget about all your problems and help you reconnect with your inner child. It's like therapy :) Child therapy! :)

365 days project 2. Day 43. Focus

   Every day has the potential to anger you and to bring you down. It might take you by surprise and you might end up wallowing in that feeling for the longest time. That's when you'll miss the small details that could make your day more beautiful, things like drawings made by kids stuck on your bus's windows.  

   You're powerful so get out of your anger, disappointment, stress or worry. Ask yourself why you are feeling all those emotions. The answer is not in the world surrounding you but deep inside yourself. What are you thinking about? What needs have you got that don't get enough attention? What's wrong? If you ask yourself all these questions you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and you'll be able to get out of the dark sooner :)

   Focus on what makes you smile. Forgive, forget and move on! Life is wonderful! Just look around! :D

365 days project 2. Day 42. Making people happy

   I always loved making people happy. It just makes me all warm and fuzzy on the inside when I see them smile. I was born to make people happy. Not as a comedian, but maybe as a psychologist and if not that, at least as a friend :)

   It's not easy all the time. It takes practice and knowing them very well, being patient and very attentive to details. But in the end, the happiest experiences happen when it all comes from the heart, when you forget about yourself and you give yourself completely to them. 

   Sometimes people don't reply with the same enthusiasm you put in the preparation for the surprise/ activity/ lesson/ counseling session/ parent meeting. And that hurts at first, but you know what? It is always worth preparing for it with all the love and care in the world because what goes around comes around :) And maybe not everybody is going to appreciate it, but the ones who matter will :)

365 days project 2. Day 41. A good night's sleep

   You don't realize how important sleep is until you lack part of it. For days. 

   I never liked sleeping. I could do so many things in those hours when all I have to do is be asleep in bed. I could watch a very entertaining movie that I never have time for because I'm busy during the day. I could read a very interesting book. I could do research for big cases from the kindergarten, or enjoy a new hobby. Nevertheless, I have to sleep. 

   There are times when I'm pushing my luck and I only go to sleep late at night. I bet you all know that situation. And what happens next? Eeeexactly. You can't wake up the next day. And if this happens for a while then you dread waking up. It's a vicious circle. You don't want to go to sleep and then you don't want to wake up.

   Sometimes all you have to do is remind yourself that you can't control everything. That some things HAVE to be done in order to live a long and healthy life. Such is sleeping :) And when you decide to go to bed sooner the next night, then the world will seem more colorful the next morning. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?

365 days project 2. Day 40. Lessons of a kid

   On Children's Day I'd like to share some of the lessons I learnt from my kids at work in all these 4 years of meeting them daily:

1. Play. Every day. As much as you can. Any way you can. Be creative and let your imagination fly! It will save you from being bored or stressed.

2. Care about yourself first. Don't take life too seriously. Nobody cares how you dressed today. They won't remember you wore the same shirt 4 days ago.

3. Love innocently. Say "I love you" every time someone dear makes you feel special. Let them know how you feel. There's never "too much" when it comes to sharing love.

4. Ask for what you want until you get it. Use all your methods. Life will have to give it to you in the end.

5. Be a fine observer and enhance your convincing skills. Be bold and fearless. We all want to be like that, but society shuts us down somehow.

6. Always say the truth. Sometimes you have to be careful how you phrase it, but don't lie. People will eventually find out.

7. Get happiness from the smallest things. Life is full of those. We just have to allow ourselves to enjoy them.

8. Share your joy with your friends. Get together more often. Tell them what happens in your life instead of letting them find out over Facebook.

9. Ask when you don't know something. Don't assume people will think you're stupid. Asking is always better than guessing.

10. Tell people how you feel. Don't keep it inside. Tell them when you are sad and ask for help when you don't know how to surpass a situation.

11. Be full of energy. Jump, dance, sing, don't just sit down in front of the computer all day!

12. Ask for forgiveness. And mean it.