Day 203. Sickness all around

   Today I woke up with a dreadful feeling that something was off. I wanted to sleep some more, turn down my meeting with a difficult mom and draw the curtains so I wouldn't have to see another cityscape full of snow that would melt in some hours only to be back on track in the evening. 

   But I didn't do all those. Instead, I got up grumpily, put on some clothes and left to work. A terrible headache accompanied me for the whole day and between meeting with worried parents and talking to problematic kids, all I could see was sickness. Sickness all around me. And it's all so weird because at the beginning of the school year I was so happy and lively and played with healthy kids all day long and now all I seem to do is watch the problematic kids and try to make them behave or talk to the parents who don't seem to listen either way because they think their kid is always a victim, never an instigator. 

   I'm sick and tired of all this sickness. Of all the problems kindergarten kids have. You'd believe they're perfectly fine at this age, lacking a little bit of self regulation and that's all, but no. Sometimes I really feel like I'm surrounded by little animals who roar around me. Little animals who don't understand rules and whose only purpose is playing... which is natural. So I guess I have some issues too or maybe it's just the illusion of working with solving problems all day long. In the end psychologists are some sort of doctors too. And doctors cure. But before curing you need sickness. So in the end sickness is a natural state of being. I only wish our "pills" would have everlasting effects like doctors' do:)

Day 166. Yin and yang

   Isn't life a continuous sequence of ups and downs, yins and yangs mingling everywhere around us? Today I had them both.

   My roller coaster took a steep descend in a hole where family doctors don't do their job properly. That usually happens everywhere in Romania. People are too tired of waiting and doctors are too impatient to go home. And this is how you never know your diagnosis or how to take your pills. 

   However, the upside part is that I've been told I look fine (let's hope my doctor's right) and that can mean just one thing: Everything is ending well. It was a rough war and my sickness won a few battles, but I seem to have won the war:) No more staying in bed, no more pain of any sorts, no more pills. 

   I can't wait to read this post in a couple of months and laugh about how much of a drama queen I've let myself be these days, but maybe all this happened because I needed to feel people close to me. And I did. I know there are people out there who really care about me so I'm moving on with a smile on my lips:) Let's lead the roller coaster upwards!:) It's time for some happiness!:D

Day 165. One step at a time

   You know, whenever life takes you by surprise and gives you lemons when you were expecting roses, you take a step back and enter the negativity stage: "This can't be happening to me" you say. Well guess what. It is. And after a week of taking pills and fighting with this weird sickness that seems to have a will and a condition of her own (bipolar personality) for coming and going whenever she pleases, I'm not impressed anymore. Just like getting used to a moody boss, I got used to her. I'm still cautious, but I'm trying to take it one step at a time and see how things evolve. I never plan things for more than the present day so it's safe to say I'm "carpe diem". 

   The bad thing about being sick is that you get to have too much free time and no ideas how to use it or even worse, you lose your interest in your old habits. And this is how you end up watching some cheap TV programs and news that talk about teens killing each other and stuff like that. I'm sick and tired of everything TV means (life without TLC is shitty) so I spend more time with my ever patient mother who likes to listen to all my complaints and wishes. She's the best! She's taking it one step at a time with me and it feels good not be alone on the road cos nothing hurts more than loneliness. 

   

   So come what it may, I'm ready! Bring it on!

Day 160. A blessing in disguise

   Many times when misfortune strikes we start pitying ourselves and we expect to receive kind words that will help us move on. But if we have the power to close our eyes and breathe, stand back and see the whole situation from a different perspective, we find out that misfortunes are really blessings in disguise.

   Haven't I frequently told myself that I need a break and that I want to spend time with myself? Well today I realized my sickness gave me just that. I wanted to go to work by all means but sometimes we just gotta follow the signs and accept the road life leads us onto. It's not easy to do that while in denial or being blinded by sorrow, but after some time we get the chance to see the real meaning behind it all. I am now relaxing and gathering my forces to help kids understand that life isn't how they want it all the time... and maybe I should learn that lesson myself:)