Day 156. Hitting bottom

   You know, when you're excited about something you stop thinking about its negative aspects. You might try to foresee what might go wrong but you're too optimistic to care. You want to GET THERE and that's the only thing you see ahead. And that's how it should stay. Cos if we let our negative brain do his job, we'll lose the fun of looking forward and then we'd live in fear. 

   I was sooo looking forward to working with preschool kids last summer that I didn't even think about the downside of it. I never thought that something could go wrong. Ok, we all know there are spoiled kids and aggressive ones, but usually kids are like candy: easy on the eyes. Little did I know that with preschool kids come a lot of viruses that weaken the immune system of the newbie teachers. And since I'm a newbie... Oh well. This time (third) the flu kicked hard. So hard that it made me doubt wanting to work with the little ones again. Wrong. I know. But the pain I am going through has no words to describe it. So intense that you think killing yourself to get rid of it could be an option. I am aware how crazy that sounds. And yet, when you're sick you're not rational anymore. I hit bottom today. I felt like going crazy. All I wanted to do was scream and cry because of how helpless I felt. My parents said I was acting worse than a baby and I tend to agree but when you're stuck in a bed without any power, it's hard to accept you just gotta give up from time to time.

   I didn't sleep at all last night because of the burning fever and today it seems to carry on with me. And I'm missing a birthday party. Yay. 

  Thank God for good friends who care about you and bring you tangerines. Seeing that someone cares and doesn't judge you for complaining about how much it hurts helps a lot. I miss seeing my friends.