Do you remember how when we're little we desperately want to grow up and when we're grown ups we desperately want to go back to being children? Yeah, I'm there. In the second part of that phrase. I'm so tired of being stressed about everything since nothing really matters. It's all going to get lost in oblivion sooner or later anyhow so I have no idea why my brain wants to worry... to make everything so perfect. Maybe I didn't receive enough attention as a kid so I wanna gain it now through everything I do. Or my father is a perfectionist and he raised me to be the same... One of the two...
I see kids around me every day, so joyful and full of energy, with no care in the world and all the love to give. They make me wish I was built differently. I wish I could just close my eyes and say "Fuck it, it's gonna be okay" from the first time when I feel worry walking around me like a sly fox. But unfortunately I swim in stormy waters before getting there cos that's what I do.
It's funny to see how being a psychologist doesn't heal the wounds. It just makes you be aware of them and have to live with them daily without being able to cure yourself really.
So I thought about this: when I'll have my own kids you bet I'll make their childhood and teenage period worth living so that there wouldn't be ONE single moment when they will say "I wish I would just grow up already". No you don't, kid, you really don't...
Pondering,
D.
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